Live or Let Go (Chapters 1 - 5) by Electricbluriots

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

----------------------

Overview: Live or Let Go is a thrilling mystery story about Tryna Wilkinson, a high school student whose life gets turned upside down when she is framed for the murder of Parker Carter, a high schooler in the neighboring town. With the help of her closest friends and crush/emerging love interest Aaron Maloley, Tryna works to clear her name and hopefully get to the bottom of what's really going on in town.

Structure: The first five chapters of the story are written in the POV of main character Tryna. However, looking ahead,I see that the POV switches to Aaron for a few chapters. Because the story is currently being edited, the first few chapters are written in third person past tense, while the later chapters switch to first person present tense. I like the effect of the first person present tense writing because I feel a stronger connection to Tryna through this POV. However, I think third person may work better for this type of mystery story to allow more smooth transitions between different characters' view points, letting the reader get a wider view on the events of the story. It allows a bit more flexibility with the storytelling.

Grammar: The author informed me before I began reading that the story is currently under revision, so I will be brief with this section, since I believe the majority of the grammatical errors are a result of the revision process and will be caught. (For example, tense shifts and switching between third and first person narration.)

The one recurring grammatical error I noticed that I wanted to point out was punctuation around dialog tags. A dialog tag is anything that comes before or after dialog and indicates speaking, for example "he said" or "I asked." When a dialog tag follows a piece of dialog, the dialog should end in a comma, and then the first word of the tag should be lowercase (unless it is a proper noun.) If the dialog ends in an exclamation point or question mark, a comma is not used, but the first word of the tag should still be lowercase. For example, in chapter one:

"Tryna, you should have seen your face!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands as she got out of the car.

Should be punctuated:

"Tryna, you should have seen your face!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands as she got out of the car.

Another example from chapter one:

"Lame. You almost killed me." Tryna said.

Should be punctuated:

"Lame. You almost killed me," Tryna said.

An alternative to using dialog tags is using action beats to indicate the speaker. When an action beat is used, the dialog should end in a period and then the first word of the next sentence should be capitalized. For example (this was punctuated correctly in chapter one):

"You just had one a week back!" Mahogany rolled her eyes.

I noticed that dialog tags were used very frequently throughout the chapters. Using a few more action beats in place of tags might be a way to increase the variety within the story and develop the scenes a bit more actively.

Pace: The pace of individual scenes in Live or Let Go was very well done. The balance between character actions, setting description, and character thoughts developed scenes that were easy to picture and that read at a real-time pace.

The pace of the plot development was a bit slow in the first chapter, leading to the beginning of the story not being quite as hooking as it could have been. The first chapter begins by providing a lot of characterization about Tryna, showing her going about her morning and including flashbacks to dinner the previous day. She then goes to lunch with her friends. They chat for a little while, and then a murder that happened in the next town over is brought up. While the character development in this chapter is well done and important, trimming it down slightly and perhaps pushing the flashback to a later chapter or including the information presented in it elsewhere could help to push the pace a little bit. The reader needs to know about the main character, but they don't necessarily need to know quite so much about her in just the first chapter. Similarly, while the conversation between Tryna and her friends is very realistic, the part that actually hooks the reader (the discussion of the murder) takes a bit too long to be reached. Trimming some of their conversation down slightly could help push the pace some more to get to that first hook.

After the first chapter, the pace of the plot development increases nicely, although there seems to be a lack of focus on the plot throughout some of the chapters. I will provide more of my thoughts on this in the "plot" section of this review.

Another small concern I had with the pace of the story was with regard to scene transitions. I occasionally found myself slightly lost about how much time had passed between scenes, and how characters got from one place to another. For example, at the beginning of chapter two, Tryna goes from being in the parking lot to in the hallway with no mention of her going there. I found it slightly jarring, and might suggest including just one sentence about her moving from one location to the next.

The other transition that seemed jarring to me was in chapter four. Here, a scene leaves off with Tryna running into her school building, and the next scene picks up with her getting out of her car outside of the police department. There seems to be a bit of blank here about what happened at school. Did she stay at school all day and go to the police station after it ended, or did she sneak out earlier? I think somehow incorporating a bit of information about what happened during her school day into the first paragraph of this scene shift could make it flow smoothly and easily.

Character Development: The character development in Live or Let Go was very strong. Since Tryna is by far the main character of these five chapters, I'll primarily focus on her characterization in this review.

By showing the life and thoughts of Tryna in great detail, her personality came across clearly. Specific details were used to develop her character in an interesting and fun way. For example, I really liked the detail about how she changed her phone case each day to match her mood or outfit. I also found the details about her obsessing over celebrity Cameron enduring. She felt like a genuine high school student.

Unfortunately, personally I did not find Tryna's character relatable or highly likable. However, I do think she is a well developed character. She is certainly believable, and her personality comes across not only in what she says and does, but also in the style of narration. It is clear that Tryna is fairly materialistic, so the narration places a strong focus on what characters are wearing and what sort of car they are driving. This is a nice subtle way to show what Tryna values.

Another important thing in Tryna's life is social media. She seems to be very attached to her Instagram, for example. Some of this I really liked, for example when she got upset by a user named "CameronDxllas" liking her picture and she thought for a second it was actuallythe celebrity himself. However, at times her obsession with social media is a bit dull and distracts from the plot. For example, when she and her friend meet in "Point Z" at school, they all are looking at there phones for a bit, and the suspense dies down about the murder mystery going on, causing the story to drag slightly.

My main concern with Tryna's character is that she may be a difficult character for many readers to like. She comes across as shallow in a lot of ways, particularly when she attends the funeral of the boy in the next town over. She doesn't seem genuinely moved by the funeral, and almost more concerned about what she'll wear. Including a bit more of an emotional reaction, or showing that she is actually moved when she sees the family grieving could make her seem like a more genuine and sympathetic character.

My favorite chapter for Tryna's character was chapter four. In this chapter, I felt a strong connection to her because her fear and nervousness was well conveyed. I felt concerned and frightened for her when she found the strange cloth of hair in her car. I felt for her because I could tell it had a strong effect on her. Then, when she is in the police station later that chapter, her nervousness about being a suspect comes across clearly, making me feel for her even more.

However, in chapter five, I lost the sense of nervousness from her as she is sitting in the police station to perhaps be put in jail until trial. She seemed more bored and concerned that they will take her phone away from her then about being accused of murder. I think showing her as a bit more nervous or genuinely concerned in this situation would make her a more likable and easier to get behind character.

Description: The descriptions in Live or Let Go where one of my favorite parts of the story. I was impressed from the very first scene of the first chapter. The descriptions of Tryna painting are beautiful to read, and they craft the scene in perfect detail. The descriptions of what "Point Z" was like at the beginning of chapter three was another one that really impressed me. The level of detail was impressive! I loved the fact that the girls had brought in chairs from the kindergarten class, but had to get cushions from IKEA because the chairs weren't big enough. I was able to picture their hideout/hangout perfectly like I was right there with them.

Plot: The main plot of the story seems to be that murders are occurring around the town where Tryna and her friends live, and Tryna is being framed for at least one of them. However, throughout the chapters I read (particularly the first three) the plot seemed to be a bit of an afterthought to the character development. Each chapter did progress the plot, but I think a bit stronger of a focus on it could make for a more hooking open to the story.

In chapter one, the reader is shown Tryna's morning in great detail. It isn't until the very end of the chapter that the murder is mentioned. In addition to what I suggested about pacing for this chapter, I would have loved a bit more emphasis placed on the discussion of the murder to give it a bit more of an eerie feeling. Using some more descriptions, perhaps describing Tryna having a physical reaction such as getting chills when the murder is discussed could make it seem more ominous.

In chapter two, the main plot point is Tryna finding a small silver envelope in her locker. I love this plot element and think it has so much potential to be chilling! However, it seems like the introduction to Tryna finding it in her locker was accidentally skipped, so the fact that she found it is very downplayed. I also think some great suspense could be built if she wondered about it a bit while she was sitting in class before opening it.

While chapter three does have some good plot development with the girls going to the funeral, I felt like there were some missed opportunities for building suspense here. I would have loved a bit more emphasis on the spookiness of the murders around town while the girls are discussing them in "Point Z." Maybe incorporating something a bit eerie going on in the surroundings like noises or lights flickering could add an ominous feel here. (Even if it's just pipes banging or something completely unrelated.)

In chapter four, the plottakes center stage. I thought the scene where Tryna found the strange piece of fabric in her car containing hair was super spooky! I could tell that Tryna was freaking out. This scene pulled me in and made me want to know who had put it there, how they had put it there, and most importantly why. From there, Tryna goes down to the police station to report what she found, but the tables are turned on her and she becomes a suspect in the murder investigation. I definitely didn't see this plot twist coming, and it works really well to hook me and make me want to find out what will happen to Tryna.

I felt like there were a few oddities about Tryna's arrest. Smoothing these out could make the plot a bit more cohesive. For example, if the police thought Tryna was a suspect, why didn't they look for her at her house or school instead of doing nothing for three days and then letting her show up at the station herself? I think explaining this a bit could make the plot more realistic. Additionally, it seems like the police don't have probable cause to make an arrest simply because Tryna was on the street where the murder happened. I've been informed by the author that they have some more evidence on her then is revealed in chapter five. Hinting to this fact (but not necessarily giving away what the evidence is) could make the plot feel more realistic, I think.

Overall, I think the plot has a lot of potential and seems to be building well. Placing a stronger focus on it and trimming out a few of the details that are a bit distracting could really help it shine fully!

Summary: Live or Let Go really starts heating up in the first five chapters. Featuring a cast of highly realistic high schoolers and a mysterious string of murders, this thriller pulls the reader in, leaving them eager to find out more about what's really going on in this town.