Fright School Book 1 (Prologue - 1) by kacquah

Reviewed by ESHurricane

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Overview

Fright School is an interesting romp into the paranormal that drew me in with promises of action and intrigue, and even in the first few parts, it delivers. The characters introduced are interesting and the worldbuilding fantastical action in the Prologue set up a hooking premise.

Cover/Title

The title definitely hooks me in! Who wouldn't be intrigued by Fright School? It definitely gives a vibe of creepiness while also making me ask questions, such as Is it a school for monsters? Or Is it a haunted school? Or Does this have anything to do with a school at all? All of these things made me want to open this book.

The cover, however, left a little to be desired for me. I like the picture of the eerie forest, but I feel like it's far too small to be effective, especially on web where I can't zoom in and see more. The band of black on the top and bottom is a nice stylistic choice for a paperback but I feel like it just falls flat on web. If the graphic was a little more punchy and high contrast it might work better for me, but I feel like the details are lost because it's too small. However, I do like the simplistic font and how most of the focus is just on the title. Thumbs up for that!

Summary/Description

The summary is a punch in the face, and I mean that in the best possible way. It's a fourth wall breaker that's telling me directly that this book is going to mess with me, and I adore that. It's such a fun way to immerse a reader and upon reading it I knew I was in for a fun ride. The second half of the description accurately summarizes what's going to happen with these characters, giving just enough to set up the story but not so much that I feel like I'm reading a mini-novel.

Hook

I'm not usually a huge fan of the 'thousands of years ago blah blah' info dump type of opening to a book, and at first glance that's the beginning of Fright School. BUT it kills. The first sentence: There existed before time a presence of utmost power, an incarnate of pure evil, said to wander the earth for over a millennium. I mean, it had me leaning forward in my chair for sure. How can I ignore that? I can't, that's how.

The first little paragraph is a fantastic flash fiction of good vs. evil, and while it's maybe not at all necessary to the understanding of the story, I enjoyed it. I felt that it really set a tone for the book, a dark mysterious vibe that follows throughout the prologue.

Grammar/Structure

So, the first thing I'd like to touch on is dialogue tags. I noticed a few instances where they were used incorrectly, so I'll just go over quick uses here.

If a tag denotes speaking (said, asked) then it's a proper tag and the dialogue needs to be connected to it like this (which was correct in the story):

"Hey, you okay?" the boy asked, confused.

Even though there is a question mark at the end of the dialogue, the tag begins with a lowercase because it denotes speaking with asked. Also, if there is no exclamation mark or question mark at the end, a comma is needed. For example:

"Yes," came the response.

If the tag doesn't denote speaking then it's actually called an action beat, and needs to be separate from the dialogue. For example:

"Forgive me but I need you." He pointed his stick at the cat [...]

Another thing I noticed was some capitalization and punctuation inconsistencies. I'd suggest when editing that the author keep a close eye on capitalizing sentences and action beats, and make sure to use correct punctuation in and out of dialogue. There were quite a few places that could have used a comma. For example:

An hour later Joseph opened his hotel room door.

I would add a comma after later, to break up the sentence where there would be a natural breath. I like to read my prose out loud when editing to make sure that I have punctuation in all the right spots.

Structurally, I like most of the line breaks. What I'm not sure about, is the odd breakup of chapters. The prologue is split into A and B, and the first chapter is split into A, B, and C. I'm not sure if this is because the author was serializing it at one point and wanted to be putting out content, but the sections would flow seamlessly together if they were put in their own parts together. The prologue especially I think would have a lot more impact if it wasn't split into two.

Characters

I didn't get to know the characters too well from these snippets of their lives, and I'm not one hundred percent sure who the main character is (though the story hints strongly that it's Joseph). There is a fair bit of exposition insinuating his wealth and power but also his aloofness. I like the mystery surrounding his meeting with Jessica and the hooded ones that he goes on to meet in the second chapter.

I think my favourite character, however, was the man from the prologue. His banter with the kid was amusing while everything is going to shit and this cat is chasing them around the city he's just chill in a taxi. I enjoyed that a lot.

Narrative

The action bits are SO good. After the little paragraph on good vs. evil the whole prologue with the man jumping in a cab and the driver thinking he's hallucinating, all of those bits were just fantastic. I especially loved the description of the bird that swooped down to save the day. A lot of very visceral descriptions.

What threw me a bit though was trying to figure out what POV I was in. My gut tells me third omni was what was happening there, but then a lot of Joseph's chapter held insight into what was happening in his head, so third limited? But with the prologue it's not exactly limited. I think maybe the POV needs to pull back a bit and be a little bit and not get too into the heads of the characters. I think a book like this that's being set up to host a whole cast of characters could benefit from omni a lot. But I could be totally off the mark, and reading more chapters might shape that opinion differently.

Plot/Pacing

I really enjoyed the Prologue, as I said, the action was fantastic and well described and plotted. It drew me into the story right away and gave me a sense of urgency. When things calmed down it flowed well into chapter one with Joseph chilling in Egypt getting ready for some mysterious going ons. I found the pacing really nice here, coming in with a bang and then evening out to continue raising questions and building mystery. A lot of hooks!

Closing Comments

All in all, I can see the gem that this story is, just waiting to be polished. I think with the chapters condensed into their full forms and the punctuation and dialogue tightened up that this story could really pop. It's got a great start and a great idea that looks like it just keeps building up and up. I would recommend this story to anyone looking for a high octane supernatural ride.