Fright School Book 1 (Chapters 2-3) by kacquah

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ 

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Overview: Frights School Book 1 is an adventure story about a group of teens who are brought together at a school for magical monsters. Chapters two and three focus on two main characters: a mummy names Allen, and a vampire named Vincent. Both come from wealthy and influential families, but both teens are rebellious in nature. There will certainly be some exciting adventure and challenges awaiting them once they arrive at Fright School!

Structure: The two chapters of this story that I read for this review were written in the 1st person POV for two different characters. Because I read the chapters leading up as well for context, I am aware that the Prologue is in the 3rd omniscient POV, while the first chapter is in the 3rd person limited POV.

Switching POV between chapters is a great way of showing multiple story lines within the same piece. It works well for Fright School because the story focuses on multiple students that are attending the school, as well as other outside forces, events, and characters. By switching between characters, the reader gets an in-depth look into each of their heads. It allows the story to have multiple leading characters, rather than one main character through which the others are viewed. I think this was a good choice for the narration.

However, something I would be cautious of, especially with the switched 1st person POV, is to make sure the voices of each character are distinguished from each other. As is, it seems like both Allan and Vincent have similar styles of narration. To develop a more varied cast, it might help to develop a distinct style in each of their voices to set them apart. As is, both seem to rely on a style of narration where they break the fourth wall to explain parts of their life to the reader, and then return back to the main story with a statement like "now back to the main story." While this makes for an interesting and fun bit of narration, the fact that both characters do it takes away from the unique personality it develops. I think that varying the styles of narration could help set these two characters apart and bring them to life just a bit more.

Grammar: In general, the grammar in Fright School is decent. There are a few typos, comma splices, oddly worded sentences, and tense changes throughout the chapters. However, the grammar errors do not make it difficult to follow the story.

The one grammar error that stood out as a reoccurring error rather than simply a typo/mistake was punctuation around dialog. Frequently, dialog was written within quotes followed by a dialog tag, but without a comma at the end of the dialog to separate it. For example, in the first part of chapter 2:

"Just what I needed" I said as I stretched my arm and the bird flapped to me.

This sentence requires a comma after "needed" because it is followed by a dialog tag:

"Just what I needed," I said as I stretched my arm, and the bird flapped to me.

Additionally, when there is a bit of dialog but it is followed by an action rather than a dialog tag, the dialog should end with a period (or exclamation point/question mark.) For example, in the first part of chapter two:

"No, no, no" I shook my head as I left the horror scene... this was too much.

Should be punctuated:

"No, no, no." I shook my head as I left the horror scene... this was too much.

When a bit of dialog follows an action, the action should end with a period and the beginning of the dialog should be capitalized. I also noticed that occasionally paragraphs were not broken when there was a change in speaker. To make it easy for the reader to follow dialog, there should be a paragraph break every time the speaker changes. For example, in chapter 3 pt. 2:

I looked at her "more important than family?" I said grimly and before my mother could reply I stood up and forced a smile though I could tell she knew it wasn't real. "I should set off now and save time, where are my siblings?" mother sighed and stood up "they are waiting outside" she replied.

Should be punctuated:

I looked at her. "More important than family?" I asked grimly. Before my mother could reply, I stood up and forced a smile, though I could tell she knew it wasn't real. "I should set off now and save time. Where are my siblings?"

Mother sighed and stood up. "They are waiting outside," she replied.

(I also corrected some comma placement, as well as broke up a few sentences that were a bit long and confusing in this example.)

Pace: So far, the pacing of the story has been a bit slow. I have been struggling to figure out what the main plot of the story is. Based on the description and title, I gather that it will be a story about a group of teens attending "Fright School," a school for magical creatures/monsters. However, the description at the beginning of the story does not provide much information about what challenges they will face, only that they will face challenges. I think being a bit more specific in the summary/description could make the story more appealing and enticing to a prospective reader.

Chapter two is composed of three parts. In general, the action within the chapter is well paced. It is easy to visualize the action and characters moving through the scene in real time. It works wonderfully to engage the reader. However, by the end of the chapter, the purpose of Allan's adventure is still a bit vague. I think pushing the pace with regard to plot development here might benefit the story. I presume that after this chapter, Allan will be sent to Fright School by his father. However, the chapter leaves off with Allan angry about getting in trouble for his mischief and thinking about the festival that will be happening tomorrow rather than anything to do with the school. I think if there were a stronger hint, or even if the father would actually say that he is sending his son away to the school, my interest level at the end of the chapter would have been much higher, because I would have seen that the events of the chapter were playing into the overarching story a bit more.

I enjoyed the pacing in chapter three. While it was still a bit slow, I felt invested in the character from beginning to end. I knew Vince was getting sent to the school, so the chapter kept me on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what happened to him when he got there. My only concern with pacing of this chapter is that the first part of the chapter and the very beginning of the second part of the chapter fell into a lot of telling without much showing. Vince, the narrator, spent a good deal of time explaining what the mansion that he lived at with his family was like, as well as the situation with what his father did there. It is interesting information, however I think it might be better delivered within the action of the chapter rather than piled on the front.

The descriptions throughout chapter three are excellent, and I got a great idea of the look and feel of the mansion where Vince and his family lived simply watching Vince walk through it and interact with his family. I believe that if the beginning section of this chapter was omitted, any of the important information within it could be worked into the action of the chapter fairly smoothly, and the pacing would be improved, keeping the reader more invested in the plot!

Character Development: The two main characters that have been introduced in chapters two and three are Allan the mummy and Vincent the vampire. I'll provide my thoughts on each of them.

ALLAN: I enjoyed Allan's narration. I thought the way he talked directly to the reader was fun and entertaining. It provided a lot of humor and kept me engaged in the story.

At first, I was a bit confused on how old Allan was meant to be. Based on the way he thought about his father and his actions, I could have placed him as a kid around the age of 12-14, or as an adult in his early twenties that was still a bit childish. I think it might be beneficial to the reader to provide a hint or even a direct reference to his age a bit earlier in the chapter.

Allan seems to be a kid with a good heart. His dislike of the way the city run by his father is split up into upper and lower classes is very prevalent. This makes for a strong and admirable character trait, because he has a good sense of right and wrong. He realizes things going on in the city aren't just, and shows desire to do something about them.

However, this is where his flaws come in. Although Allan has the best intentions, the way he acts on them seems reckless and childish. He makes a huge mess in the city, disrupting a trade by releasing wild animals on a crowd. This action endangers not only himself and the trader he seems to view in a negative light, but also any innocent bystanders. Not to mention the monetary damage the disruption causes. Although I believe his actions are childish and reckless, I think the way the scene is shown conveys his character well. He has grown up as royalty and under strict control of his father, so it is likely he does not entirely understand the consequences of his actions and the impact they have on the system as a whole.

The scene where the father reprimands Allan was well shown. It is clear the father is disappointed in him, but is kind of unsure what else to do. Perhaps he realizes a lot of it is his own fault for keeping Allan under such strict watch.

The relationship between Allan and his friend Hub was refreshing to see. I liked their comradery and thought it added a lot to the chapter. Showing the way Allan interacted with a close friend helped to develop his character further.

VINCENT: Vincent makes a nice brooding teenage vampire. It is clear he has a lot of resent for his family, particularly his father. He doesn't feel like his father values him as much as his siblings. It is upsetting to see that he feels dejected by his own family.

The flashback where Boris was telling Vincent about his own son was well placed and shown. It was heartwarming to see that Boris cared about Vincent enough to share something so personal with him. However, it was also saddening to see that Boris had such a rough past with his own son.

I particularly liked the way flashbacks were used throughout Vincent's chapter to show his character. I enjoyed the flashback where he and his younger siblings went into town. His siblings wanted to kill a human simply because they thought it would be fun and easy to get away with. Vincent, being the older brother and more sensible, prevented them from causing trouble with this. This was a great way of showing how Vincent is a responsible teenager. It also makes me wonder what the dynamic between him and the more reckless Allan will be like once they undoubtably meet at school.

My concern with Vincent's character is that the style of narration and narrative voice is fairly similar to Allan's. I have already gone over my recommendations with regards to this in the "Structure" section of this review, so I will not rehash here.

Description/World Building: The descriptions and world building in Fright School were some of my favorite parts of the story. I particularly enjoyed the set up of the city where Allan lived. I loved the concept of the city being connected by bridges like an enormous web. I also really liked the way the city was shown as having different sections—the royal section and the lower-class section. This developed the way the city appeared and the political and social aspects of the city. It gave it a lot of depth.

I enjoyed the descriptions of the buildings and roads as being constructed entirely of gold. I thought it was interesting that the city would either be that rich, or that gold would be a common place material there. However, I thought that it might be worth considering rephrasing to have the gold be accent embellishments or plating on another material. The structural properties of gold (specifically that it is a very soft metal) might make it difficult to construct buildings or roads entirely of it.

I also enjoyed how the setting where Vincent lived was developed through the use of flashbacks (particularly the flashback where he and his siblings went into the town.) I also enjoyed the way the mansion was shown as Vincent moved through it. However, as I mentioned in the "Pacing" section of this review, I thought the beginning of chapter three where Vincent explained to the reader what the place where he lived was like could have been more smoothly presented within the action of the chapter.

Plot: So far, the plot of Fright School is fairly spread out. The prologue and first chapter presented a fair bit of mystery, as well as a few potential sources of conflict that might cause problems for the main characters. However, because of the mysterious and ambiguous nature of the prologue and first chapter, it was difficult to discern too much from them.

The second chapter was engaging and entertaining to read. However, the scene didn't seem to hold much relevance to an overarching plot. It works well as an introduction to the character, but unless the trader Moab becomes important to the plot later on, character development might be the main value of this chapter. The end of the chapter leaves off with Allan and his best friend Hub discussing an upcoming festival, as well as the mention of a mysterious murderer who will be present at the festival. This was an intriguing way to leave off the chapter! I was interested to find out more about the festival and the murderer. However, I was still unsure about how the plot of this chapter tied in with the rest. I'm sure as the story progresses they will begin to pull together!

I thought the plot development in chapter three was very strong. I could clearly see how Vincent's story was converging on arriving at Fright School. There was a fair bit of development about his family life before he was sent to the school, but it was important character development. I particularly enjoyed watching Vincent make the journey to the school. It built the suspense and made me eager to find out what would happen once he finally arrived there!

Summary: Fright School is a fun and engaging paranormal adventure! Featuring and interesting and diverse cast of characters, it pulled me in and made me wonder what was going to happen right from the beginning. I'd be interested to see what happens once the characters finally arrive at the school, and find out what challenges they will face!