"How beautifully leaves grow old! How full of light and color are their last days!"
- John Burroughs

"Hey, Lucas?" Gus asked.

They were hanging out in Lucas's room, waiting for Nora's and Hex's shifts to end. Lucas was writing music, and Gus was sketching, like always. It had been three weeks since the conversation with Jeff, but Gus hadn't mentioned anything about it yet. Jeff had gone back to the ranch, but he still called Gus and the shop at least once a day to check up on things.

"Yeah?" Lucas said, hoping for some resolution or at least acknowledgment of what Jeff had told him. But typical of Gus, he went in a completely unexpected direction.

"How did you know Nora is, like, the one for you?"

Lucas paused and thought about it.

"Well... it's always been us. We've always been together. Since we were babies. I loved her before I knew what love was. We fought, sure, but we always came back to each other. I know soulmates are a stupid concept, but I don't know how else to explain it. I just knew, always, that she was the only girl for me."

"Well I think Hex is the only girl for me. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me."

"You haven't been dating that long," Lucas said.

"So?"

"So... I don't want you to get bulldozed if she isn't the right girl."

Gus sighed. "You don't know her like I do."

He went back to sketching, this time a little harder. Lucas could hear the pencil grating against the thick paper. The lead snapped.

"Motherfuc- Dammit!" he said, wiggling the dangling lead on the end of the pencil like it was a loose tooth. Then he threw it at the trashcan. It missed, making a snapping sound as it hit the wall.

"You okay?" Lucas asked.

"Fine," Gus sighed, digging in his backpack for another.

"I mean have you been okay lately?"

"Yeah."

"Any... um... new nightmares recently?"

Gus abandoned his pencil search and looked at him with a sharp eye. "How do you know about this?"

"What?"

"You know what. Cut the bullshit."

Lucas took a deep breath. "Hex was worried. We went to Jeff."

"Yeah you coulda fuckin' told me!" Gus snapped.

"We just wanted to help you."

"Nobody but Jeff can help me. 'Till he gets back I'll just handle this shit on my own," Gus said.

"Well you have to find a healthy way. Jeff won't be back for six months..."

"Hex is my way. She's amazing! She's the love of my life! She's my reason to stay clean. I love her, and that's why I'm marrying her," Gus said stubbornly.

"Look, it's your life. Do whatever you want. All I'm saying is you still have those nightmares with her in the room, so she's not gonna fix what's wrong in your head."

Gus went silent for a long time, staring at his sketchbook. Lucas went back to his music, trying out a few new riffs to see how they sounded outside of his head.

"I wish I never found out," he said after awhile, softly.

Lucas looked up. "I'm sorry, man."

Gus sighed and put his head back against the wall. "It's just that... I was thinkin' bout findin' my mom now that I'm clean and stuff. I wanted to know her."

"That whore doesn't even deserve to hear your name," Lucas said.

"Well if I saw that bitch now I'd spit on her. Fuckin' sick, low-life cunt. I wish I'd never found out. I didn't need to know that disgusting shit. I been fine my whole life not knowin'."

"It was coming to the surface. You know that," Lucas said.

"You're lucky you have a great mom. I'll never know what it's like now. You know what? I've always just had this 'it is what it is' attitude 'bout my life, never felt sorry for myself or nothin', but lately I've just been fuckin' pissed off!"

"Don't blame you."

"Yeah well, me, Hex, Adam, Ember and Jesse never bitched about our lives before. Never cared that much. We knew others had it better than us, but it wasn't, like, a thing. You know?"

"I guess so."

"People who have it rough their whole life usually don't complain or get mad about it. They're too busy just surviving," Gus said thoughtfully.

"Well maybe now that you can rest and relax a little, it's making you realize what all you missed," Lucas suggested carefully.

"Yeah. That's it," Gus said, nodding. "I have time to care. I'm not surviving right now. And all I can think is why the FUCK didn't anybody ever want me? Am I that fuckin' bad, Lucas? Am I that much of a piece of shit? Why? What did I do to God or the world that's so fuckin' bad to deserve all this shit? God watched me screamin' and starvin' in that crib and rollin' in my own shit and all he did was shrug his shoulders like it wasn't his problem. Couldn't be bothered to even kill me so I could at least escape! It's all so fucked up!"

"It is fucked up," Lucas agreed. "I wish I knew why some people get dealt such a shitty hand, but I do know it had nothing to do with anything you did. We all love being around you, Gus. You're a good person. The world doesn't deserve you. And as for that whore who gave birth to you, you don't need her, Gus. We're your family."

Gus laughed. "Sure."

"No, really. We're family. I promise. We're brothers, you and me," Lucas said. "I'm not trying to get all cheesy, but we are."

"For life," Gus said eventually, nodding. "And death."

———————

That weekend, all four of them took the night off to go to Navy Pier and ride the famous Ferris wheel and carousel, something they had been meaning to do all summer. The breeze was soft, wet and cool. Late summer sun beams were still sliding through the metal frame of the massive wheel while the lights on the carousel and the booths and shop signs were switching on.

"Okay, not riding that," Nora said, pointing at the Ferris wheel.

"It's glassed in," Gus said.

He and Hex were walking in front of her and Lucas. Hex was wearing a short black sequined dress. Nora had on a red and black strapless number that hugged all of her curves and made Lucas unable to look away from her. They were planning on checking out some of the night clubs along the way, at least the ones they could get into at eighteen.

"Okay fine. But I still hate heights," Nora replied.

"I never been on it neither. Too pricey. This place is tourist shit. But I got some money in my pocket for me and my girl tonight, and we're gonna blow it all!"

Gus wrapped both arms around Hex as they walked side by side, and Hex laughed and shoved him off.

"Get the hell off me, Mouse!" she said.

"See? She called me Mouse," Gus said to Lucas. "I told you it was my nickname."

"Why? Because you scare people and eat everything?" Lucas asked.

"No, dick muppet. It's 'cause I'm small and quick. Look, ice cream!"

Just like that, he darted away from them, leaving all three of them laughing.

"God, he is such a fucking squirrel. That should be his new name," Hex said, shaking her head.

They all stopped walking to wait for Gus.

"Speaking of names, is Hex your real name?" Lucas asked curiously.

"Nope."

"So what is it?"

"I don't give out my government name. Haven't since I ran away," Hex said flatly.

"Why do all the street people have these names?" Lucas asked.

Hex shrugged. "Anonymity. Most of us were minors trying to get away from our parents or the foster system. Grown people do it because they might've done something in the past, like kill someone, and they're in hiding. Those are the simple reasons, but it could just be that it's something that's yours and yours alone."

"What's that got to do with it?"

Hex opened her small black purse and took out a clamshell mirror and a tube of pink lipgloss and started re-applying it to her lips. When she was finished and satisfied with her reflection, she snapped the mirror closed, looked at Lucas and said,

"You get on the streets, everything gets stripped from you. You get your shoes stole right off your feet, your clothes, money, food and drugs. You might get raped, get your dignity or virginity stolen. You might get your face cut or your hair cut off by some gang. Everyone's always robbing everyone else. But your name, your real name, is yours. You can put it inside yourself and know it'll be safe. That's kinda nice."

"Makes sense. So why Hex?" Nora asked.

"Because I put spells and curses on people."

"Seriously? Are you into that stuff?"

Hex threw her head back and laughed. "You really believed me! No, I'm not into anything like that! That's just what people think. I guess I look like a witch 'cause I got this crazy-ass red hair and everyone knows not to fuck with me 'cause I'll slice your jugular open."

Just then Gus came back with two huge ice cream cones. He handed one to Hex.

"Thank you, Squirrel," Hex said, grinning.

"Squirrel? What the fuck?" Gus asked.

"What'd you get?" Nora asked him.

"Mint chocolate chip," Gus said. "The best."

"Wrong. This one's the best. Cookie dough," Hex said, eating hers in big bites.

On the way to the wheel, they stopped at one of the night clubs lining the busy street. They were able to get into this one as 18-year-olds but had to wear a stamp on their hands that kept them from buying drinks. The music was pulsating. Well-dressed guys pushed past Lucas with women in skimpy dresses hanging on their arms like accessories. The flashing lights painted their faces pink and blue.

"What are we supposed to do here?" Lucas yelled at Hex over the music.

"Dance! Duh!" she called back to him.

Lucas was nervous. He had never danced before, and he didn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of all these people. Nora glanced back at him with wide eyes, and he could tell she was uncomfortable too. On the other hand, Gus and Hex seemed like naturals, both of them laughing and having so much fun.

They were already in their own world. Hex turned so her back was against Gus's chest as they danced, and he kissed her neck, one arm around her middle and the other on her chest.

"I've never been to a club! How do you even learn to dance like this?" Lucas shouted over the music.

Hex laughed as she bent down low and snaked her way back up.

"Different guys used to get me into all the clubs so I could make money, and I'd give them a tip at the end of the night," she said simply.

"So you were a stripper?" Lucas asked.

Nora nudged him in the ribs, but he was clueless as to why. Hex's face twisted with rage.

"OF COURSE NOT! How fucking DARE you think I would do something like that!" she shouted, pointing her finger in his face.

Lucas was burning hot with embarrassment. "Oh, sorry... didn't mean to offend you... I just..."

"I was NOT A STRIPPER, you jerk! I have some DECENCY AND CLASS, and I did back then too!"

"Yeah, yeah, totally! I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

"Which is EXACTLY WHY... I was a whore!" she said, and she started laughing hysterically at the expression on Lucas's face.

Gus and Nora started laughing too while Lucas rolled his eyes.

"You guys fucking suck," he said.

"I tried to warn you! Who even asks a question like that? Oh you're a stripper?" Nora repeated sarcastically, laughing again.

"Okay! It's over! Get over it!" Lucas said, waving his arms around. "I still can't fucking dance, which was the entire point of the original conversation!"

"Well, it was the same for me too. I learned to dance in clubs when I was turnin' tricks," Gus said. "There's nothin' to it. Just move to the music and watch everyone else."

"Here, I'll show you," Hex said, grabbing Nora's hands.

Lucas couldn't help smiling as he watched Nora dancing awkwardly with Hex. After a minute or so she seemed to relax and flow with the music, and Lucas reached for her hand.

"Okay, give her back," he said.

"Wait! I was gonna teach her how to twerk!"

"Oh, well then, by all means-" Lucas said, pushing Nora back towards Hex.

"You suck!" she mouthed.

"Payback for the stripper comment," Lucas said with a smirk.

"How can I twerk when I have no ass?" Nora grumbled.

"Even if all you had was a spine you could probably still pull off a good twerk! It's a lot more back than butt!" Hex said. "Assume the position!"

Both girls squatted down.

"Now, relax those lower back muscles completely. Then, POP!" Hex said as she pulled off a magnificent twerk.

"Pop what?" Nora yelled, arching and stretching back and forth like a convulsing cat.

Lucas, Gus and Hex were all dying laughing.

"Pop your ASS, white girl!" Hex shouted. "Even Ember twerks better!"

"Oh damn," Gus said behind his hand.

Nora was laughing as she looked back at Lucas. She was so beautiful, and she seemed so radiant and fragile in that moment, like a paper lantern. He loved her with his whole self, and he couldn't help feeling incredibly lucky to have her back by his side.

——————

After the club they continued walking to the carousel, which was lit up bright and obnoxious. Nora took pictures of everything; all of them acting silly on their stationary horses and unicorns, kicking each other across and behind, trying to make contact, Hex leaning against the golden pole and posing like a model with one leg in the air, low, sexy eyes and pouting lips.

As their energy was wearing thin they finally got in line for the Ferris Wheel to see the night city from up high. The carts were like glass boxes, and Lucas wished he could feel the breeze. He was hot and sweaty from so much running around.

On the slow ride up, Nora took more pictures; Gus and Hex kissing, Lucas staring thoughtfully out the window, a selfie of herself, and then a selfie of the two of them smiling happily at the camera, Lucas's head on her shoulder.

"I think this is the happiest I've ever felt," Gus said, staring out at the glittering city.

"Me too," Lucas said.

The girls echoed the same thing.

"I don't ever wanna get outta here," he said.

They were at the very top now staring down at the buildings, cloaked in night. It felt surreal to see the city they walked through every day all spread out around them like that.

By the time they got off the ride, a storm was moving in, and there was a chill in the air that hadn't been there before. Everyone was quiet as they walked home. Lucas felt the sudden change to darkness, the first autumnal stirrings of winter.