"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
– Khalil Gibran

It was exhausting how often Lucas had to think about sobriety. The smallest thing could go wrong and he was back to the cravings. They weren't physical anymore. The physical pain, once his biggest fear, had turned out to be the easiest to handle. It was the random bursts of desire that tormented him the most. He would see something on TV or online, and it would remind him of those days and that high, and how good it felt.

"It won't always be this hard," Jeff told him.

Lucas and Gus were both hanging out at the tattoo shop, where they spent a lot of their time. Gus, because he worked there, and Lucas because it kept his mind off things.

"How long will it suck?" Lucas asked, rubbing his face.

"A year or so. It's really hard for the first few months to a year. Then it gradually fades, but it never goes away entirely."

"You still crave dope?"

Jeff shrugged, "Sometimes. Yeah. I'll admit that."

"You won't do it though, right?" Gus asked anxiously.

"Don't worry, Gus. You think I'd risk losing all this?" Jeff asked, waving his hand around at the shop. "My entire life revolves around sobriety. My job at the ranch, the shop... all of it."

"It was so easy to be clean at the ranch," Lucas said.

"Yeah, that's because you had all the support in the world, and relapse wasn't possible," Jeff said.

"Did you ever relapse?" Lucas asked.

"About a million times. Most addicts do. It's weird to hear a story about someone who didn't."

"Do you think I'll relapse?" he asked softly.

Jeff shook his head. "Don't think about the future. Think about today. Each day, one at a time. If you do that every day, telling yourself you'll make it through just that day, that's how you win. Those days build up until you have a whole lifetime clean behind you."

"One day at a time? That saying is so fuckin' cringey," Gus said, and Lucas laughed.

"It might be cringey but it's actually true," Jeff said. "You can word it differently if you want, but the concept is real, and it works. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a client waiting. Gus, watch the lobby. You know what to do."

A few minutes later the door opened, and Lucas looked over his shoulder to see three familiar faces. One belonged to his mother, one belonged to baby Sam, and the other belonged to Nora.

The moment didn't feel real.

For a brief fraction of a second, Lucas looked at Nora, and she looked at him. Her eyes were unreadable, but he could sense her guilt and nervousness. This couldn't be real... She couldn't really be here.

Seeing her again made Lucas feel panicky, weak and shaky, like being dopesick. His anger began to stir inside him. He wanted to hurt her, and the only way he could right now was to ignore her completely like she didn't exist.

"Mom!" Lucas exclaimed, looking away from Nora. He crossed the space between them and gave Sarah a hug. "Why are you here?"

"We wanted to surprise you!" Sarah said, laughing. "I had some PTO saved up. Hope it's okay! Marcus told us about the shop. We went there first and he said you'd be here, so that's where we went! We're staying for a few days!"

"NORA!" Gus yelled, jumping up as he realized who had just walked in.

Gus ran and threw his arms around her. "YOU CAME! YOU'RE HERE!" he shouted happily, jumping up and down like a little kid.

Nora, who'd almost fallen over from the impact, laughed and hugged him.

"Hi, sweetie," she said.

"Sorry I almost knocked you over, but I'm SO HAPPY you're here!" Gus said.

It was then that Lucas acknowledged her for the first time.

"Hey," he said.

"H-hi," Nora stammered nervously.

Lucas turned away from her without saying anything else. Only Gus didn't seem to feel the tension in the air.

"Mom, this is Gus. He's my friend from the ranch," Lucas said, nodding at Gus.

"Hi, Lucas's mom," Gus said.

"Call me Sarah, honey."

Sarah gave Gus a one armed hug. His eyes were wide with surprise as he hugged her back. Then he cautiously reached a hand toward the baby.

"Could I hold him? I never held a baby," he asked.

"Sure. My arms could use the break!" Sarah said, handing Sam over.

Gus took the baby and gently bounced him up and down. Sam reached for a fistful of Gus's hair, making both of them laugh.

"You want my hair, huh? Maybe that's 'cause you don't got much yet, little dude," Gus said.

"He likes you," Sarah said.

"Kids and animals always do," Gus replied with a shrug.

He was making funny faces at Sam, whose little baby giggles mingled with the buzz of tattoo guns. The two sounds were odd together, like a song in the wrong key.

"Lucas, why don't I stay with Sam and Gus? You and Nora can catch up," Sarah suggested meaningfully.

Lucas led Nora into the alley behind Jeff's shop. It was warm, but the sun's rays didn't reach back here. He couldn't quite look at her, and she couldn't look at him. Both of them stared at the brick wall on either side of their faces.

"Hi, Lucas," Nora said softly to the brick next to his head. There was a piece of gum stuck to it.

"Hey," he said to her brick, which had a crack going down the middle that made it uneven.

"Lucas, I know you must be mad at me. Funny how the tables have turned."

"Yeah. Hilarious," Lucas said flatly.

"I've decided to get my GED, and I'd like to stay here... with you. I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner that I was coming..."

"You should have told me ANYTHING! Anything at all!" Lucas snapped.

Nora looked down. "That's fair."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "So what do you want?"

"You, baby," Nora said, reaching her hands out to him. "In my arms. Like it used to be."

"Seriously? You put me through hell these last few months."

"I know..."

"No, you don't. You really fucking don't. I've been completely on my own in this city trying to stay clean and sober. Gus didn't even get here 'till a couple months ago. Nobody to talk to except strangers at NA. You think that was fun for me?"

"So that's it? You wanna break up?" Nora asked softly, her arms falling down at her sides.

"I don't know what the fuck I want," Lucas mumbled with a sigh. "You already broke up with me. What the hell else was I supposed to think?"

"I needed a break. You hurt me too. I went to bed beside you and I woke up the next day and you were gone. No goodbye. Just a stupid note."

"A break? So now that your break is over you think you can waltz back in and find me faithfully waiting for you and ready to pick up where we left off?"

"I hoped we could. I hoped maybe you'd matured a little."

"Matured!" Lucas shouted. "You're the one who threw away our ENTIRE relationship so you could play some kinda fucked up middle school silent game! I'm done with that shit, Nora. We aren't kids anymore. Grow the hell up."

Lucas left her standing there in the alley and stormed back into the tattoo shop. Gus was introducing Sam to Moon, who had basically become the shop mascot. That cat went everywhere Gus went and laid in the sun next to the windows while he worked.

"Mom, me and Nora are done," Lucas said, trembling with anger. "Seriously. I don't wanna see her again. We can hang out all you want, but not with her around."

Sarah sighed. "Honey, try to understand."

"She didn't try to understand me when I left," Lucas said.

"People make mistakes."

"Yeah, people do. And then they fix them. They don't ignore them for months and months just to get revenge."

"That's not exactly what happened."

"If she didn't care about my side of the situation, I don't care about hers."

Gus was looking between Sarah and Lucas as the conversation went back and forth. He held Moon in his arms, trying (but failing) not to look interested.

"Well if you change your mind, here's the address and room number of our hotel," Sarah said, quickly typing it into a text and sending it to him. "Gus, it was very nice to meet you, sweetheart. Lucas needs good friends like you."

Gus grinned mischievously at Lucas. "What can I say? I'm a good influence."

"Come and have dinner with us one of these nights," Sarah said.

"Seriously? Hell yeah! Nice to meet you too. Say 'bye', Moon!" He lifted Moon's paw and mimed waving at them.

After everyone left, Gus plopped down on the black leather couch that was there for customers, but things were quiet in the shop now.

"I take it that talk with Nora didn't go so well," he said.

Lucas scoffed. "No shit. She's acting like we can just pick up where we left off."

"And you can't?"

"I'm fucking pissed at her. She's so oblivious to what she put me through! She knew exactly what would get to me the most, knew exactly how to hurt me. And now she wants me to just forget all that!"

"At least you got Nora throwing herself at you. Hex won't ever look at me like that, despite my best efforts, which have been pretty extreme lately," Gus said bitterly. "Moon's my only girl."

He smiled and scratched Moon behind the ears. Lucas swiveled slowly on one of Jeff's tattooing stools, staring at the ceiling.

"You're gonna regret this, Lucas," Gus said with certainty.

"No, I'm not," Lucas said.

"I know how much you love that girl. I've listened to you whine about her for months. What would Jeff say?"

"I know exactly what he'd say. He'd say I'm doing the right thing because I shouldn't be with another addict. I should be with some shallow idiot who doesn't know shit about what we've been through."

Gus laughed. He was laying on the couch now, feet crossed on the armrest, Moon curled up on his stomach.

"What would I say now? Gus, get your damn feet off my furniture!" said a deep voice.

It was Jeff, who'd just finished with his client. Gus sat up with a salute while Lucas started explaining everything that had just happened.

"Wow. Big step there. You ready for it?" Jeff asked as he finished running the customer's credit card on his iPad.

Lucas shrugged. "Now or never. It's time for me to find someone else."

"Speaking of which, please tell me these fine-ass lookin' women are comin' in here," Gus said, pointing at the window where two blonds were walking down the sidewalk.

As if reading his mind, the blonds turned and came inside the shop, the familiar bell dinging.

"I got this, Jeff," Gus said hurriedly, smoothing his messy hair.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Now all the sudden you like customer service."

"Depends on the customer," Gus said, smirking.

One of the girls glanced at Lucas and whispered something in her friend's ear, both of them giggling. Jeff snapped his fingers in front of Lucas's face.

"Wasn't done talking," he said.

"Sorry," Lucas said, looking away from the girls.

"I know what I said about you two, Lucas, but I also know how much Nora means to you, and ending it like this doesn't feel right."

"It was already over," Lucas mumbled bitterly.

Jeff said a few other things, but Lucas didn't really listen. Gus was still flirting with the girls at the counter, and that's where his attention was now.

"Really? You think that'd be cute?" one of the girls asked skeptically.

"Oh yeah," Gus said. He came around the counter and crouched down beside the girl's leg. "May I?"

"Sure," she said.

Gus ran two fingers across the side of her tan thigh right beneath the hem of her jean shorts. "Like right here. Mermaid. It'd be gorgeous, but you know what would make it prettier?"

"What?" the girl asked, wide-eyed.

"The fact that you'd be wearing it," he said, and both girls began to giggle again.

Lucas rolled his eyes.

"So you can do it for me?" she asked.

Gus stood up, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well... uh... I'm sort of an apprentice, but I can draw the sketch and have Ethan do it. He's my boss."

"Okay, it's a deal," the girl said, then squealed with nerves and shoved her friend in the shoulder. "I'm doing it! I'm really doing it, Bella!"

"You'll need to fill this out," Gus said, handing her a clipboard with the medical release that everyone was required to complete and sign.

He read her name upside down as she wrote it. "Bree. Pretty name," he said.

"What's yours?" she asked.

"I'm Gus."

"Gus? Oh my god, that's so adorable! Like a Disney character! Gus, Gus, Gus. I just like saying it! Sorry, I'm weird!"

"And this is Moon," Gus said as Moon hopped up on the counter and walked right between him and the girl.

Bree tried to pet her, but Moon hissed at her.

"Moon gets jealous," Gus said. "Don't get any ideas now, Moon. She's just a very beautiful girl with a pretty name who will soon have something I've drawn on her skin for all eternity. Definitely nothin' to see here."

Bree laughed. "This sounds serious. I'd better get your number before we go through with it. Gus. Gus, Gus, Gus- there I go again! You're just too cute."

Gus laughed and told Bree his cell phone number while she typed it into her phone. Then he took her back to meet Ethan. Lucas was left alone with the other girl, who was equally beautiful but less annoying, and she was looking right at him.

"I might get something too. You work here?" she asked.

"Nah. Just hanging out with Gus," Lucas said.

"Damn. I was hoping I could reserve you... and your hands... for the next three hours."

Lucas blushed. "Well... not sure you'd want me to tattoo you. That's not really my specialty."

"What is your specialty?"

"I play guitar."

"Shoulda known. I'm a sucker for musicians."

The girl walked over. She was wearing jean shorts and a cropped Metallica t-shirt.

"My first favorite band. What's your favorite album?" Lucas asked, nodding at it. "Mine's Ride the Lightning."

"Oh, you mean this band," she said, looking down. "I just liked the shirt."

"Oh."

"I'm Isabella. What's your name?"

"Lucas."

Isabella smiled. "Nice to meet you, Lucas. Wanna go somewhere we can get to know each other? Bree's tattoo will take at least an hour."

Lucas hesitated. Isabella was beautiful, with long blond hair and hazel eyes. She smelled like jasmine. But he had never been with anyone but Nora.

It was over with Nora.

He shook off his hesitation. "Sure. Let's go exploring."