"And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time."
- Death Cab For Cutie, "What Sarah Said"

"Jeff, I'm goin' out!" Gus called as he walked down the hallway, pulling a t-shirt over his head.

Jeff leaned out of his bedroom doorway. "Hanging out with Hex again?"

Gus nodded. He felt his face warm and realized he was blushing.

"This is becoming an every day thing huh?"

"I don't know," Gus said. "I guess it is. She's lonely. Doesn't have anyone but me and Ember."

"Are you being careful?" Jeff asked.

Gus rolled his eyes. He wasn't used to being asked all these questions. He was used to answering to no one but himself and running around as he pleased. As annoying as it was, though, it was also kind of nice to know he was cared about.

"I told you! She has a year clean! Longer than me! We never even talk about drugs!" he said defensively.

"Yeah that's... not the only thing I'm talking about," Jeff said slowly.

"What else do I have to be careful about?" Gus asked impatiently.

Jeff raised an eyebrow, and it hit him like a semi-truck.

"Oh wait- you think... me and Hex? No way, man." Gus turned and picked at an old nail hole in the wall. Now he was really blushing. "It's like this... she's beautiful, and I've had a crush on her forever, but I don't stand a chance with someone like her."

"Don't sell yourself short," Jeff said.

"Huh?" Gus asked. He didn't get why Jeff had to bring his height, or lack of it, into the conversation.

Jeff chuckled. "It's a saying."

"That I'm short? Yeah I fuckin' know, dude. Don't be a dick about it, damn."

But Jeff laughed again, harder this time. "No, Gus! No! It's a saying that means you should think more positively about yourself, because maybe she really likes you."

"Oh."

Gus felt stunned. After a pause he shook his head and said,

"Pshh... Doubt it. Either way, she gotta make the first move 'cause I ain't about to make myself look like a jackass."

—————

Gus could hear Ember's apartment even before he rounded the last corner of the stairwell. A kid was screaming and crying, and he could already tell it was Cricket. He knocked on the door, and his suspicions were confirmed as soon as Hex opened it.

"Thank God! Get me the fuck outta here," Hex said impatiently.

Behind her, Gus could see Ember and West trying to coax Cricket into eating a spoonful of peas. The kid's lips were pressed together so tightly they were white, and he shook his head every time they got close to his mouth with the spoon. His little hand swatted at it, and peas went flying. Ember looked annoyed and exhausted, and Gus assumed West was wearing the same facial expression, but his back was turned.

"Hey, Ember!" Gus called, waving a hand.

"Hey, Gus," Ember replied flatly, not looking over at him.

"Like I said," Hex repeated quietly. "Get me the hell out of here."

"No problem," Gus said with a smile.

As they walked out into the warm evening, Gus stole a glance at Hex.

"Rough day?" He asked.

Hex sighed, shaking her head. "I have no idea how Ember does it. I would never have the patience for it."

"For what?"

"Parenting."

"You don't want kids?"

"Hell no! Not anymore anyway," Hex said, mumbling the last part.

"Did Cricket change your mind or was it something else?" Gus asked, because he was genuinely curious.

"Something else. Motherhood just isn't for me. The universe gave me a sign loud and clear. Some people aren't supposed to be parents."

"What sign?"

Hex shrugged, ignoring the question. "Ember also has more problems than the typical parent. Cricket has a lot of issues."

"He does?"

"Yeah. He's sweet, but he's more prone to tantrums than a normal toddler, and normal toddlers are bad enough so just imagine. He lets loose and starts throwing shit, screaming and hitting. It gets bad, but I don't say a damn word to Ember about it. She already feels bad enough."

"Why does she feel bad?" Gus asked.

"Because it's her fault. I mean, that sounds bad, but... he was a dope baby. She used when she was pregnant. This is what happens. That's why when I-"

Hex stopped herself mid-sentence. Gus thought something had distracted her, so he looked over, but she was still just walking beside him with her eyes on the concrete.

"That's why what?"

"That's why if I got pregnant I'd abort it," she said.

Gus thought there were a lot of things not-quite-right with that reply, but the main one was that she wasn't using now, so it shouldn't have mattered. He wondered for a bit if maybe she had lied to him and was on drugs again, but he knew almost instantly how dumb that thought was. It was obvious she was clean. He knew the signs as well as he knew the high, and Hex was experiencing neither.

"Where do you want to go?" Gus asked her.

"I could eat," she said.

They picked up McDonald's, and Hex took the lead after that. Gus could sense where she wanted to go. It was the same place she always wanted to go, and he simply followed. It was as if an invisible cord stretched between her and Adam's bridge, and every now and then Adam's ghost would tug the cord, begin wrapping it around his wrist, slowly pulling her there.

It was a quiet place, and the sun was setting behind the concrete side of the bridge where they sat, so the leftover light spilled all around them and pooled in the ravine below. In its orange glow, Gus could see the dust-like cloud of insects that hovered over the leaves.

They ate in silence, each comfortable enough with their own thoughts that they didn't feel the need to speak. Gus could hear the sound of crickets humming from the grassy patch of earth next to the bridge.

"I like the sound of crickets," Hex said after awhile.

"Why?" Gus asked curiously.

"Adam used to tell me they're like a warning system. If the crickets stop chirping something is really wrong. Someone or something bad is there. If you ever hear them go silent, get away fast. That's what he used to tell me. He was talking about his stupid ghosts and shit, but it's true about real threats too. I found that out in prison. The sound of them means everything is safe."

"I never noticed," Gus said softly.

"Yeah well..." Hex shrugged. "Adam knew some cool things. He just believed in weird shit too. But you had to take him as he was. Accept him as he was."

"Do you think you would still be together if he was alive?" Gus asked.

Hex was quiet, and Gus saw her playing with the ring around her finger, grabbing the gem with her pinky and flipping it under, then making a fist to conceal it in her palm. When she opened her hand, he could see the imprint of the jewel in her flesh, with the four prongs that held it in place like a constellation of stars.

"We were supposed to be," she said. "That was the plan."

"It was?"

Gus hadn't known that Adam had asked Hex to marry him, and there was a tight feeling in his chest that made breathing hard.

"There were a lot of plans," she said, nodding slowly. "Plans, plans, plans."

Plans that had not included Gus.

"What are your new plans?" he asked in a soft voice.

Hex raised her eyes to look at him. "Nothing. I don't have any. No expectations. No hopes. No disappointments that way."

"I thought you might be looking to move out of Ember's, get your own place."

"I do plan to, but I like being there for now. Cricket's not too bad. They might have to take him to a specialist soon anyway, so that'll help," she said.

Gus chewed and swallowed before speaking again, which was something he was having to practice now that he lived with Jeff. No one had ever taught him about table manners before, and he wanted Hex to see how grown up he was now.

"Why?" he asked.

"He's starting preschool this fall. He can't go like this! What if he freaks out there? He'll get kicked out," Hex said, rolling her eyes. "Makes me nervous for him."

"You care about him a lot," Gus said.

Hex shrugged. "I care about Ember, which means I care about Cricket. Even though he's Jesse's spawn, I try not to think about that. Ember never wants to talk about the past, so we don't even say his name. That's why I like hanging out with you. You talk about the past with me."

Gus nodded. "I'll talk about whatever you want."

She smiled a small smile, looked over at him and rested her cheek on the palm of her hand, the same palm that held the imprint of the jewel. That hand was attached to her elbow, which was propped up on her raised knee. The way she rested her cheek on her palm like that made Gus feel like she would be looking at him for a long time, long enough that she needed to get comfortable first.