Taehyung spent the next break alone again in the classroom, fighting with his blustering thoughts. They were so thunderous he failed to hear Youngjae calling his name.

“Hey, babe.” He sat next to him and placed a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, hey. Yes.”

“Why are you sitting here alone?”

“No reason.”

Jungkook, filled with eagerness to practice his choreo, was about to open the door when Youngjae’s voice infiltrated his ears.

“What is it, Taehyung? Talk to me.”

“I have nothing to talk about, Youngjae-yah. Why are you making everything so difficult?”

“I’m the one who makes everything difficult? I’m trying to understand what you want, Taehyung. I’m trying to understand, and you don’t let me.”

“I don’t even know,” Taehyung growled, but any scrap of ferocity died down as his shoulders drooped. “How can I let you know when I don’t?”

“You should find out. Because I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Youngjae blinked the tears that formed along his lids away before they could fall. “Do you even love me?”

“Of course I do,” he sighed.

“It doesn’t seem like it.” Youngjae pushed himself to his feet. “When you find out what you want, let me know,” he uttered, disheartened, and slouched towards the exit.

Jungkook realized someone was approaching and hastened to hide further in the hallway. Just a second later, the door flew open, and he saw Youngjae, who was on the verge of crying, leave in the opposite direction.

He abandoned his hiding spot and gazed at Taehyung through the window. He battled with his need to check up on him, comfort him even, since he could easily discern the cloak of gloom that had shrouded his existence.

And he lost the battle.

He shuffled into the classroom and quietly perched next to him. He didn’t receive any kind of reaction from Taehyung at his presence; he only heard a faint sigh a beat later.

The silence stretched impossibly between them. They didn’t exchange even a single glance during the fragile hush that enwrapped them.

“Real love doesn’t exist in this world anymore.” Jungkook’s voice was as heavy as the air between the two, dripping with bitterness. “It’s a sad thing to say, right? But it’s true. We just look at the benefits we can have. We get comfortable and get used to things. We get used to fighting, cheating, and being cheated on. We get used to yelling, bad situations, and a miserable life. And the worst part is... we say it’s okay. Because we don’t want to be alone. Because we think we have something to prove. Because we think there is nothing better out there.”

“Are you okay, Kook? Where is all this coming from?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’ll leave.” He moved to stand up, but Taehyung held onto his hand.

“No, it’s okay, I guess. You can say whatever to me. You know that.” Taehyung retracted his hand with a jerk, averting his eyes again.

“Okay, I-I guess.” Jungkook chose to ignore his bizarre behavior and drew in a quivery breath. “I was just thinking... we get used to the good things. When we hear I love you every day, we get used to it. We get used to all the sweet talk and small surprises. We get used to all the attention and affection. We get used to the other person. We get so comfortable we give up.

“We do most of the things out of habit. We say I love you, we kiss the other goodbye, we hug them and fall asleep together, we ask them how their day was. But we don’t really mean anything. We do it out of habit at some point.” A sorrowful smile bloomed on Jungkook’s face as he locked his eyes on his profile, giving him the softest look he could. “We shouldn’t, Taehyung. We shouldn’t take love for granted. That’s a cliché, right?

“But it happens more often than we think. If you think about it this way, it’s not love if we’re fighting with the other every day. It’s not love if they treat us like shit. It’s not love if we’re unhappy. It’s not love if we want to take more than we give. It’s not love if we hear the other say I love you and we don’t feel anything at all. It’s not love if the things we do for the other person are just out of habit.”

Taehyung kept his head down even when he perceived Jungkook stood up. A lump was lodged in his throat, preventing him from uttering a single word.

“We are selfish creatures,” Jungkook whispered. “Some people more, some less. But we all are. And that’s even sadder. Because that’s the reason real love doesn’t exist. We always want more. If something doesn’t go the way we want, we just ignore it and continue to be with the other person without making a real effort to fix things. Or we give it up completely and move on instead of trying to fix it. Instead of adjusting ourselves to it. It’s not a bad thing to compromise.” He glanced down at him and smiled as he found him so deep in thought — it seemed like he truly listened to what he had to say and reflected on it.

“Especially when it’s for our own good. But even if it’s better for us, we can’t see it because we want more and we want it now. Our ego says this is not good enough for us, and we listen to it like it’s our God or something. We don’t want to really try to fix things with that person. We want a new start with another person. Because things got complicated. Because we have to fight to be with that person. Because we have to fight for our relationship.

“We don’t want that. We want the easy way, and most of the time, we go with the easy way. We make excuses to that person and mostly to ourselves that it’s too hard, that there’s too much damage. The truth is, we just want an easy way out. But there are also times when a relationship reaches its limits. When there’s really too much damage to even try to fix things because you have already tried countless times before. There are times when holding onto something makes it worse. When trying brings more pain to both in that relationship.

“There’s a thin line between knowing when to let go and when to hold on. And most of the time, if not every time we get into a situation like this, we don’t know what to choose. We don’t know what’s right or wrong. Some people give up too early, like with the first difficulty. Some end up holding on more than they should. They end up holding onto something that’s broken. Onto something that doesn’t even exist anymore.” Jungkook sank down next to him again, downcast eyes wandering around the floor.

“And you know what? Even if we do know that, sometimes we don’t want to let go because we don’t want to be alone. Because we’re afraid of hurting the other person. We don’t want to make that choice. So we stay with the other person, we’re unhappy, and we make the other unhappy too. For how long can this go on, though? Let me tell you if you don’t know already. It’s a dead end.

“But one day we will wake up, get our shit together, and say that’s it. If we have a little dignity, we will come clean to the other person, we will apologize for making them unhappy and basically for using them for our needs, for our ego, for our selfish reasons. You have no idea how a person can change when they realize that. And it’s not even an actual change. I’s just a different perspective.” Through the all-consuming gloom that had seized his heart, Jungkook managed a smile as he laid his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Why do you seem so depressed? Nothing affects you. You’re fine all the time,” he teased in his attempt to lighten the mood. His hand was gently removed a second later, something that evoked a sigh from him. “Do you really hate it that much when I touch you?”

“Just continue.”

“Continue what?”

“What you were saying, Kook.”

Jungkook rose to his feet. “I don’t have anything else to say.”

“Are you really going to end this story like that?” Taehyung copied his moves, his gaze anchored on him.

“Story? That’s not a story, assface, that’s life! That’s how life works most of the time in people’s relationships. And you’re in a similar situation too. So wake the fuck up!” Jungkook spun around after his growling tirade, but a grasp on his forearm brought him back to where he was.

“Are you eavesdropping on other’s conversations again? Again, Jungkook? Are you that shallow? Why are you doing this? So you can come later and ‘help me’ or whatever? You’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

A menacing sheen glimmered in Jungkook’s eyes as he pinned him with a raging scowl. He released himself with a fling of his arm and marched off, then shut the door with a bang.

Taehyung jolted and ran behind him, but his phone ringing slowed his moves before he could exit the classroom. He took his phone out of his pocket and answered with a sigh. “What?”

“Can you come to the yard? I’m sorry I left like that before,” Youngjae said.

“We can meet later.”

“Are you okay? You sound kind of—”

“Look, I’m fine, I just want some time—”

“Alone, right? I know,” Youngjae breathed out with obvious discontent. “Anyway. I love you, Taehyung.”

“Love you too,” Taehyung said, but something didn’t feel right. Out of habit... Jungkook’s words flooded his head all over again, and he hung up the phone in haste.

 
Jungkook strode towards the yard, burning with fury. I’m shallow? I’m a hypocrite? How can he be such an asshole? He made a right turn in the next hallway, and he gasped as his body banged against someone.

“Wow, slow down,” Youngjae said, taken aback by the impact. The only response he received was a glare and a scoff. “Yah. Are you okay?”

“Fucking great,” he spat out and resumed his way.

“Have you seen Taehyung?” Youngjae asked in a sonorous voice so he could hear him.

“No.”

“I think you have.”

Jungkook’s steps faltered. His body shook with the waves of rage that washed over him as he whirled around and stormed towards him instead.

Youngjae took a step back at the recognition of his blazing fury.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Stop being so aggressive. What is wrong with you?”

“I’m sick and tired of everything!” Jungkook roared with an exasperated swing of his hand. “But right now, my problem is you, Youngjae. Why should I know where Taehyung is? Why are you asking me? Why are you even talking to me when you’re so jealous of me and Taehyung?”

Their argument started getting attention from the passersby, and without realizing it, a clump of trainees surrounded them.

“Have you ever fallen for someone, Jungkook?”

Jungkook huffed a scornful laugh. “Everyone falls in love. That part is not important. The actual love is the only thing that matters.”

“It’s the same thing. I just wanted to make a point.”

“Are you serious? Falling for someone and loving someone is not the same thing.”

“Both conditions share the same feelings!”

“Look, I won’t sit here and talk about that now. If you’re looking for your boyfriend, go find him yourself.”

“No, I want you to explain what you meant.” Youngjae crossed his arms, his stare unrelenting.

“The only thing you need to know right now is that you don’t have to worry about your boyfriend and me. We’re not friends and never going to be. I don’t want anything to do with him, and I hope you can finally be happy since your only problem these days seems to be me. I’m your only problem, right, Youngjae?”

Youngjae swallowed, his expression blank. “You are a problem. And you know what? You’re being an asshole. What happened? Did Tae reject you? That’s why you’re so pissed off? Are you so mad that he chose me over you? Are you—”

“Youngjae!” Taehyung’s enraged voice boomed through the hallway. He pushed through the crowd to get to the two boys and grasped his shoulder. “What the fuck are you saying? And in front of fucking everyone?”

Remorse quickly swept over Youngjae’s face as he hung his head.

“What did you say to make him talk like that? Youngjae never talks like that.” Taehyung glared at Jungkook, who just stood there, scowling back at him.

Jungkook poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as his fingers dug into his palms. Wordlessly, he took off with long-legged strides, ignoring the curious looks from the other trainees.

“What the hell, Youngjae?” Taehyung asked, throughout frustrated.

“Guys! Your class starts in three minutes. Leave this hallway right now,” Eunhyuk ordered, and in just a few seconds, the crowd disbanded. Only Taehyung and Youngjae remained there, as they assumed he would want some explanation about what happened. “Taehyung, you can go.”

“Look, we made a scene, and we’re sorry. It won’t happen—”

“Youngjae, after your classes come to the teacher’s lounge with Jungkook,” he said, interrupting Taehyung’s speech. He watched as Youngjae bowed and disappeared, then set his eyes on Taehyung. “I don’t care about your personal issues, but don’t bring them here. And mainly, don’t ever try to lie to me, Taehyung.”

Taehyung stayed silent, clenching his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.

“But just between us, if I were in your place, I would have tried to save my boyfriend’s ass and not the other’s,” he sneered and strolled off.

Taehyung was ten minutes late to his next class, but he had to go. He explained the situation to his teacher, and Kyuhyun told him it was okay and he could come in. During class, Taehyung’s gaze often drifted to Jungkook. He still seemed so furious, as if he were a ticking bomb that would explode at any moment.

But he could also sense something else under that facade of rage. Something he couldn’t decipher, no matter how hard he tried. And that was what worried him the most.

. . .

Youngjae approached Jungkook the moment their class ended. “Eunhyuk wants to see us,” he said and left right away.

Jungkook breathed out a sigh at the looming reprimand he knew he would receive. He threw his bag over his shoulders and turned to the door, but Taehyung blocked his way.

“Jungkook, can we just talk—” He gave up on what he wanted to say as Jungkook ignored him completely and resumed his way as if he didn’t exist.

He knocked on the door of the teacher’s lounge and entered after he got permission.

“Close the door,” Eunhyuk said coldly. He waited until Jungkook did as he was told and sat next to Youngjae. “Like I said to Taehyung before, I don’t care about your personal issues, but don’t bring them here. Don’t make a scene in front of everyone. Don’t fight with each other. Don’t yell at each other in this company. I’m letting you off with a warning this time, but the next—” A sharp snort that rang in his ears silenced his speech, and he swung his eyes at Jungkook, raising a brow. “Something you have to share?”

“I prefer not talking in front of him.”

“And I prefer not having some kids make a scene in front of everyone, but here we are.”

“You’re a hypocrite,” Jungkook muttered as he folded his arms over his chest.

“Are you crazy?” Youngjae whispered, shocked.

“Youngjae, you can go,” Eunhyuk demanded, and he could only obey. A charged hush poured between them once they were left alone, but it didn’t last long. “Jungkook. Do you want me to kick you out of this company?”

“I want you to stop being a hypocrite.”

“Why am I a hypocrite? From what I heard, you’re the one who’s sick and tired of everything, but here you are. And from what I heard, you got between a couple. That’s not so decent.”

Jungkook’s self-assurance cracked with the realization that tumbled over him. “You were listening from the beginning... Why didn’t you stop us earlier?”

“What? And miss the show?” he snickered.

“You really are a hypocrite.” Jungkook leaped out of his seat, ready to storm off.

“I think you should stay home tomorrow.”

He froze in his tracks, forehead bunching in bewilderment. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Take the day off. But of course, you’ll take nonattendance in every class.”

“You know there’s a strict limit to our attendance. You can’t do that.”

“Well, I can.” A smirk lifted the corner of his lips.

“I can’t believe you,” Jungkook hissed and burst out of the room.

Eunhyuk flinched at the bang of the door, and his smile dissolved with the heavy sigh that spewed from his mouth.

“I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe him,” Jungkook murmured to himself as he strode to the changing room to take his things.

“Yah, Jungkook, what the hell happened?” Jimin asked. The whole group was there with Taehyung, who kept refusing to say anything about what happened.

“He fucking told me to take the day off tomorrow.”

“What?” Seokjin gaped at him, unable to process his words. “Should we come to your place and talk about it?”

Jungkook contemplated his request. It was better to drink and bitch about Eunhyuk to his friends than be alone. “Yes, if you want.”

Jimin smiled as he fastened an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go then.”

“Taehyung, aren’t you coming?” Namjoon asked when he comprehended he stayed behind.

Taehyung risked a peek at Jungkook and spotted his death glare at once. “Um, no. I have... I have plans.”

“See you tomorrow then.” Jimin waved at him, and they bundled off.

The six boys stopped by the convenience store to buy some beers and snacks and resumed their walk to Jungkook’s house.

“Kook, I’m not letting you drink a lot again,” Jimin warned him in a soft tune.

“Why?” the younger chuckled as he opened the door.

“Are you really asking me that? Taehyung will kill me.”

“What does he have to do with this?”

“He always gets so angry when he sees you wasted,” Seokjin said.

Jungkook placed the beers on the coffee table. “Good thing he’s not here, right?”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi uttered. “What happened?”

And so Jungkook narrated everything that happened, from Taehyung to Youngjae until Eunhyuk. He said everything to them. And he really needed that.

He didn’t talk about how he felt. He said he was fine, but the truth was he was anything but that. He didn’t tell them he felt such gigantic amounts of rage and sadness that squeezed his airways achingly. He didn’t tell them he felt like nothing was going right. That he felt the most frustrated and lost about what to do with his life.

No. He chose to stay silent about these things, laugh at their jokes, and say he was fine. Like he always did.

⚜✳⚜