Nothing was going well between the seven boys. Jungkook pretended he was fine and refused to talk about what happened. He still hadn’t shared a word with Seokjin, not even a glance. He partly talked with Taehyung, but mostly about their classes. It was painfully awkward between the two, and no one made an effort to figure out why.

It was Saturday, and as usual, there was a party. Jimin, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok gladly stated they wanted to go. They convinced Taehyung rather fast, since he craved to drink. After about an hour of begging, Seokjin said yes too. And Jungkook... He sharply dismissed Jimin’s pleads.

And there they were, one hour before the party, outside of Jungkook’s front door.

“Jungkook, you can just join us. You don’t have to talk about anything!” Jimin begged once again.

Jungkook, sitting beside the door with his third beer in his hand, sighed. “Just go already.”

“We’ve been here over an hour, Kook. It’s getting tiring,” Yoongi said.

“Then just leave!” Jungkook remained still at the silence that followed, and he placed his ear against the door in his attempt to pick up on their whispers.

“Taehyung, please say something. Of course, he won’t listen to Seokjin, and you’re the only one who hasn’t said anything,” Jimin said.

“And why do you think he’ll listen to me?”

“Well, you do have a special bond or something, don’t you?” Namjoon asked.

“Apparently we have nothing at all,” Taehyung murmured as a vile bitterness threatened to drown him. He approached the door nonetheless. “Kookie. We’re not leaving without you.”

There was a moment of quietness as Jungkook sipped his beer. “Why do you even want me to come?”

“Because I want you to have a good time. Talk about random things and forget about everything. Just for tonight.”

A suffocating current of emotions surged up his chest that took form into overwhelming tears. “I don’t want to come,” he said, his voice quivering as the wetness spilled from his eyes.

Each muscle in Taehyung’s body tensed at the sound of his broken voice. He glanced back at the others. “Go to the party. I’ll meet you there later.”

“I don’t want to leave him like this,” Jimin trailed off.

“I got him. Don’t worry.” Taehyung gave a reassuring nod, and they shuffled away a moment later. “Kook, I’m the only one here. Can you open the door?” The response he received was muffled sobs, and a spike shot through his heart, as if it fractured. “Fuck, Jungkook... Just open the door!”

But no matter how much time he waited, nothing happened. Taehyung’s head hung in despondency. “Why are you pushing me away? Why are you shutting me out? Don’t you get it that I like you? Hell, I have fucking fallen for you.”

Jungkook’s weeping piped down, and his red, puffy eyes grew double their size. He remained frozen stiff for a moment, then he was propelled to his feet by a consuming anxiety. “What?”

“Are you playing dumb or did you really not hear what I said?”

“You said you’ve never fallen for anyone.”

A tremoring sigh leaped out of Taehyung’s throat as he pressed his palm against the door. “When you explained to me what falling for someone feels like, I freaked out. You know why? Because that was exactly what I was feeling about you and that’s exactly what I’m feeling about you right now. And I fucking tried to show it to you—no, I wasn’t even able to hide it, but you didn’t realize it. And all you do is push me away and shut me out and be fucking oblivious about the fact that you’re driving me crazy!” A simmering ferocity crept into Taehyung’s voice, stemmed by his frustration and bitterness, that caused him to growl at him.

The mixture of gruesome emotions, though, melted into pure despair that twined around Taehyung’s frame so tightly his eyes flooded with tears. “You made me care, and I hate you for that. Because obviously, you don’t feel the same. You picked up a broken boy and fixed him, only to break him all over again. I really hate you for that.” The wetness trickled down his face, but he didn’t have the strength to wipe it. “And now I’m leaving exactly like you want me to.”

Taehyung truly hoped with all his heart that Jungkook would open the door at this point. If he meant something to him, he would open the door. And when he was met with complete stillness, the anguish surging all through his insides drowned him.

Taehyung called a taxi to go to the party with the only thing in his mind being to drink. A lot.

He went straight to the table with drinks and snatched a bottle of soju. He gulped down a few big sips, the bitter liquid melding with that mixture of gruesome emotions that persisted in his gut. At his next swig, a hand clawed at his wrist and wrenched him, causing him to spill some of the soju. “What the fuck, Yoon?”

“Exactly, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing?”

“Can you please fuck off and let me enjoy my drink?”

“Taehyung, watch it. You know I’m your hyung.”

“I don’t really care right now.”

“Yeah, apparently. And I want to know why.” Yoongi grabbed a soju for himself. “Come on.”

Taehyung trailed behind him with a sigh. They settled down in the garden away from the few people who were there and sipped their drinks in silence — a silence Taehyung enjoyed because he didn’t feel like talking.

“I like Jimin.”

Taehyung’s head twitched backwards, then a moment of rest ensued. He turned his regard on him. “What? For how long?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always found him cute or whatever, but I can’t take him off my mind in the last two weeks or something. Taehyung, that’s not like me... What’s happening to me?” Yoongi asked with a hint of desperation.

“Hyung, you’ve fallen for him. Congrats. It sucks,” Taehyung snickered and sipped his drink.

“Thanks,” Yoongi answered in the same way.

“Have you said anything?”

“No, are you crazy?”

“Why?”

“Because! I don’t want to be rejected.”

“Hyung, that’s lame. And it’s really not like you at all.”

“I know...”

During the next wave of silence that flowed around them, Taehyung perceived the subtle glimpses his hyung cast at him. He guzzled a bit more of his drink. “Is this the time where I tell you about my crappy life?”

Yoongi glanced at his nonexistent wristwatch. “Hmm, yeah, it’s about time.”

Taehyung huffed a laugh at his actions. He set his almost empty bottle of soju beside him and lay down, fixing his gaze on the clear sky. “I like Jungkook, hyung. A lot. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I think we all know that. But Jungkook doesn’t deserve your little games.”

“It’s not a game. I haven’t felt like that before. Not even with Youngjae, who was my only somewhat normal relationship. He makes me feel things that terrify me. And he doesn’t feel anything.”

“What? Jungkook liked you from the first moment he saw you. I mean, it was pretty obvious, you know.”

“I know, but... he doesn’t feel the same. He hasn’t fallen for me like I’ve for him.”

“What?” Yoongi questioned, his astonishment shining through his round eyes.

“I just... I’ve fallen for him. I fucking said that to him. Before coming here. And he never opened the door, hyung. He didn’t open the door.”

“Okay, he didn’t open the door. But he didn’t reply either, Taehyung.”

“Then it’s clear, isn’t it? If he felt the same, he would have opened the door.”

“Oh, come on, you know him. What if he was scared? What if he didn’t have the courage to face you at the moment? What if he opened the door after you left, thinking you’re still there?”

“And what if he really doesn’t feel like I do? What am I supposed to do then?”

Yoongi stared at him with a semblance of reproach. “Taehyung. Get the hell out of here and go back to Jungkook.”

Taehyung collapsed into contemplation, analyzing Yoongi’s words. He was right. Jungkook didn’t open the door, but he didn’t answer him either. This wouldn’t be over until Jungkook himself told him he didn’t feel the same.

Taehyung made haste to rise to his feet. “Thanks, hyung,” he said, then scuttled off. He pushed his way through the crowd in the living room and burst outside. He slipped his phone out of his pocket with a shaky hand, wanting to call for a taxi. But then a taxi came to a halt a little further away from him, and he sighed in relief.

As the door opened, Taehyung’s movement of approaching the taxi ceased abruptly, and he gaped at Jungkook’s figure, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes — as if he weren’t truly there.

. . .

His confession held Jungkook at a standstill for a long time. His whole existence was steeped into a cesspool of shock and remorse and sorrow. His conflicting feelings constricted his neck so much he felt he couldn’t breathe.

The mantle of stupefaction that blinded him snapped, and he realized. He craved more than anything to see him. He needed to be with him. But he knew. Taehyung wasn’t outside of his door anymore. With low expectations, he dragged the door open.

Tears instantly rained down his face at his absence. He shut it, then he flung himself onto the couch, releasing his choked sobs into the pillow. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he chanted in his head, his hands balled into shivery fists. Taehyung opened his heart to him, and Jungkook couldn’t say anything back. The realization wrecked him.

With tears still shimmering in his eyes, Jungkook changed into casual clothes and hurried towards Taehyung’s apartment. He had to see him. He had to be with him.

He received no response, no matter how many times he knocked on the door. The only place Taehyung could be was EXO’s house, he thought, and he called a taxi.

The forty-minute ride was torturous, and although he shed no more tears, the wetness in his eyes lingered. He stepped out of the car and inspected the people outside of the house. His vision locked on Taehyung, and everything seemed to still around him for a beat.

Jungkook jolted out of his trance and stood in front of him. “You—You can’t leave.”

The softest of smiles spread on Taehyung’s face at his harried, yet cute behavior. “I was about to go to your apartment, actually.” The redness of Jungkook’s eyes came into his focus the more he viewed him, and his traits clouded over with poignancy.

Taehyung held onto his hand and led him to the garden. They didn’t share a word until they perched on the grass, at the same spot they had sat the first time they were there.

The silence was unbearable for Taehyung, and he destroyed it at once. “Why are you here?”

A perpetual pout clung onto Jungkook’s features, and he was incapable of forcing it away. He drew his knees closer to his chest and circled them with his arms. “Did I really fix you and broke you again?”

Taehyung preserved his quietness for a spell. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You don’t feel—”

“Anything?” Jungkook cut him off. “Do you seriously think I feel nothing for you? I feel everything way too much when I’m with you. You’re on my mind all the time. When you’re around me, I can’t stop looking at you, and when you’re not, I can’t stop looking for you. I wake up and my first thought is that I’ll walk out of my apartment and you’ll be there waiting for me, and that makes me ridiculously happy. Do all these things sound like nothing to you?”

“Then why the hell didn’t you say anything?” Taehyung shot back, his voice trembling. “Why the hell didn’t you open the door?”

“Because I’m terrified! I’ve been through a lot, and I know you have too. My insecurities are suffocating me.” Jungkook felt a very familiar tingling around his nose, and the burning dampness lurking in his eyes escaped in a trickle. “I can’t get hurt anymore, Tae. I won’t be able to take it. And when I first realized I felt something I couldn’t explain about you, I thought it was okay because you didn’t feel anything about me. But then suddenly you said you did. And it terrified me. I can’t take any more pain hyung, I really can’t, I can’t—”

Taehyung crushed him into his embrace the moment his sobs escalated, and he clutched him, hoping to assuage his quiver. “It’s okay. You’re just scared. It’s okay,” he whispered in his ear. “It’s okay, Kookie. I’m here.”

Jungkook melted against the warmth of his presence, holding him with the same desperation. With every caress on his back, his outburst of tears lessened little by little until only a few drops managed to slip out of his eyes.

“I’m scared too, Kook,” Taehyung uttered. “I can’t do anything to take your insecurities away, but I’m scared, too. You’re not alone in this.”

Jungkook sniffled. “Why?”

Taehyung pulled away enough to set his gaze on him. He embraced his wet cheeks in two tender palms, giving him a warm, soothing smile. “Because I like you a little too much. It’s the first time I feel something like this for someone. And I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.”

Jungkook placed both hands on his nape, peering at him with the same fondness that burned inside him. “I know what you can do.”

“What?” Taehyung’s confusion disperse as he realized Jungkook decreased the gap between their faces, and he smiled, leaning forward as well.

“Yah, get a room—Taehyung?!” Jimin screeched.

The two boys jerked their heads to the side and scooted away.

“Kook? I thought you wouldn’t come,” Jimin said as he neared them with Yoongi beside him. His gaze ping ponged between the two, anatomizing the traces of awkwardness on their faces and their shifty eyes. “What were you guys doing?”

“Jimin, leave the boys alone,” Yoongi said. “Let’s go somewhere else to talk.”

Jimin narrowed his eyes on him, suspicion glaring in them. “You know something.”

Taehyung expelled a nervous chuckle. “There’s nothing to know because there’s nothing going on.”

“Something is definitely going on, but I’ll look into it later.” Jimin bent to engulf Jungkook into his hug. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry about before. I don’t know what got into me.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

Jungkook drew back and shot a look at Yoongi. “I thought Yoongi hyung wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, right,” Jimin chuckled. “Hyung, is it important or something?”

Yoongi secreted his disappointment behind a small smile. “No, it’s nothing.”

“No, um,” Taehyung hurried to say, “Jungkook, do you want to grab a drink or something? You two can talk later.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s go.” Taehyung grasped his hand and dragged him away, not failing to notice the glance of gratitude Yoongi shot him.

“What was that all about?” Jungkook asked as they entered the house.

“Okay, don’t tell anyone.” He tipped to his ear, although he knew no one would hear him with the loud music that blasted throughout the house. “Yoongi has fallen for Jimin.”

Jungkook’s eyes swelled so much they felt as if they would pop out. “What?” he cried out, but a hasty hand covered his mouth.

“Shut up,” Taehyung hissed and guided him to the kitchen in search of privacy.

Jungkook discerned with a single glance that the kitchen was empty and spun to face him. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. He told me before you came here.”

“This is so perfect!” Jungkook beamed.

“Why? Do you know something?”

“Jimin never admitted it, but I know he likes him, too.”

“Oh, so you’re just assuming,” Taehyung scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m not assuming. I know for sure. When Jimin and Seokjin were at my place one day, I said to Jimin that he’s looking at him like he wants to marry him and I remember clearly how he blushed.”

“Really? And what did he say?”

“He changed the subject, of course, and said that I look at—” Jungkook sucked his lips inwards as what he was about to spew registered his mind and whipped his gaze away from him.

Taehyung’s brows slanted low over his eyes in bafflement. “That you look at?” He held his chin and tugged it, making Jungkook meet his gaze. “You know I won’t drop it until you tell me, right?”

A defeated sigh emitted from Jungkook as he took a step back. “He said I look at you like I’ve fallen for you.”

A fond smile curved the corners of Taehyung’s lips. He inched closer and looped his arms around him, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Have you?” Instantly, he sensed Jungkook tense at his question and squeezed him. “Let’s go have a drink.”

Jungkook’s traits creased with a little frown, highlighted by melancholy. He wanted to confess as well, but the gnawing dread that vibrated beneath his skin prevented him. He painted a light kiss on his neck instead and withdrew. “Let’s go.”

Taehyung smiled softly, hiding the undercurrent of disappointment that waved through him. He wanted to receive an answer, but hated the idea of pressuring him. Jungkook had already made a step since he came to the party to look for him. And it was enough for Taehyung for the moment.

They swept a bottle of soju from the table each and joined their friends on the couch. Jungkook, of course, sat as far away from Seokjin as possible. His words still stung every time he recalled them.

“Kook, you came!” Hoseok chirped.

“Hyung, are you drunk already?”

“No, no, I only had two beers,” Hoseok chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

Jungkook aimed a smile at him, then his attention rushed to Jimin and Yoongi, who approached them while chatting and giggling.

Namjoon detected their united hands as they sat on the couch and raised a brow. “What is happening?”

“Guys, we’re together!” Jimin exclaimed, beaming.

“What? How? When?” Hoseok asked.

“Just now,” Yoongi said.

Jungkook twisted to Taehyung, leaning to his ear. “I called it,” he said with a smug smile decorating his face.

Taehyung’s only response was a huff. A shadow veiled his features as soon as Jungkook looked away, and he lowered his head. He recognized that searing feeling in his gut. He was jealous.

He wanted to be with Jungkook too. He wanted to hold his hand in front of everyone and hug him and kiss him. But he didn’t know if he could. Because he didn’t know what he was to Jungkook. He didn’t know how Jungkook felt. He didn’t know if Jungkook wanted him to keep trying to find out. He knew nothing.

But he exerted himself to hide it for the rest of the night, at least.

⚜✳⚜