"Raahat ka matalab kya hai?"

Freezing in the moment, his back stiffened till his spine snapped whip-like against his skin. With one exhale, Abir's head finally lifted from the book on his lap. "What do you mean?"

At his words, her fist clenched, teeth grating together and her chin tossing sidewards. "RAAHAT KA MATALAB KYA HAI?"

"Raahat" he whispered in breath and in step as he neared her, hands up where she could see them till he stood before her and they found solace on her cheeks. Tipping her head up, he kept his voice calm, "Raahat ka matalab hai ki badi mushkilen hone ke baad aaraam mahasoos karana, raahat is when I am with you".

Her chin wobbled as she looked up at him, chest so tight with the screams she kept inside and her head pounding with memories she wished she could forget. Shutting her eyes as if she could shut the world out, her hands trembled as she reached for him "I don't feel relieved" she sobbed, body falling into his chest with the weight on her shoulders the smile on her lips had placed there.

Ever so slowly, he placed one hand on her head and the other on her back as he tried to understand why she wouldn't feel a sense of accomplishment for what they had done.

Tucking her hands beneath his arms, she dug her nails into his shoulders, tucked her face into his neck and used his scent to remind her she was at home and safe when she was in his arms. God, she hadn't meant to shout, she hadn't meant to scream or cry, but she was tired, so tired of feeling this way, of fearing every step and every turn, of breathing in fire and coughing out smoke.

"Why?" Abir pondered aloud, instantly regretting the one word that ripped her apart in his arms and tore her body from the safe haven he'd vowed to be for her.

"Because" her voice broke as she looked deep into the eyes of burgundy that had painted her soul, "Because I can still feel him, all over me, his voice is like an echo in my head, beating my eardrums till all I can hear is, is" her head shook, "Is him, Abir and all I, all I want is to hear" inhaling sharply, she yanked at his collar so he stood an inch from her, "Is to hear you".

Then it all made sense. It did not matter that he was gone because he would never truly be gone, not from her mind, not from her heart and not from the body that should only ever be hers and never his. "Mishti" he uttered, "Then hear me" guiding her ear to his chest, he ran a hand down her hair, "My heart beats for you". Pressing featherlight kisses on her forehead, his eyes shut, "Only you can touch me in a way no one else can" making her face him, he nodded, "Without even touching me at all".

No, no, this was not how it was meant to be. Good Lord, he deserved better and she'd die to make sure he got it! Shoving him back, Mishti swiped the back of her hand against her cheek. "I am dirty, he touched me, tainted me, almost had me before you ever could, he took me further into a relationship before you could, but the difference is that he dragged me there without my consent and I, I wanted to go with you, but it's too late, I can never, never" her breath stuck in her throat, "Never" her voice was raw at the screams enveloping her tonsils, "Go with you when he took me first".

Abir was a painter, saw every colour in the rainbow and every colour out of it, but in that moment all he saw was red, dark, bloody red. "NO" he bellowed, pulling her back into him. "My Mishti is never dirty, my Mishti is never tainted and my Mishti will always be her own, never mine, the only thing about you that's mine is your heart and no one took that before me, no one will have it after me". Wrapping his hands around her upper arms, he yanked her closer "You and I are forever, you understand that? You don't just get to push me away, you don't get to get rid of me, not now, not after" spinning on his heel, he pinched the brim of his nose to calm the tension in his body that begged to overfill and pour away.

Flinching at his actions, she steadily placed a hand on his shoulder, "After what, Abir?"

"AFTER YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU!" And God, he hadn't meant to shout, hadn't meant to scream, he never wanted to scare her, but she'd scared him, he could face any fear only if she was by his side, he could never face the fear of losing the one thing that gave him relief when the whole world gave him something else.

"How?" She gulped.

"How what?" He snapped.

"How did you know that's what I was trying to do" jumping when he turned back, she frowned sadly.

"Because I know you, Angry Chorni, your love is your anger, your fight for freedom, for rights is all done through passion derived from love and there isn't anyone you love like me" stepping closer, he held her hands in his. "I know because there is no one I love like you".

"Take it away, Abir" she fell to her knees, taking him with her as she bowed into a wretch that emptied every morsel he'd begged her to eat over the last few weeks. "Take him away, tonight I can't be me, tonight I need to just be your, your Mishti" holding his hands between her folded ones, she squeezed, "Please?"

Abir would never hear her beg again, not to anyone and certainly not to him. Lifting her into his arms, he led down, held her tight, even when it hurt her and even when it hurt him. They would hurt together, just as they always did, just as they always would. He couldn't fix her, he wouldn't even try.

Instead, he would hold her as she fixed herself.

She would scream, shout and cry and he would too, but it was all okay because recovery wasn't a one person job, with MishBir it was always two.

Hope this was what you wanted, sorry if it wasn't!:)