Plotline: It's a simple one-shot with 3000 words so there's not much you can fit in there in terms of plot. Although it was simple, it was short and sweet! I think the budding puppy love between Neel and Jhanvi was cute and definitely ended on a good note. Though I feel the description was a little misleading. You mentioned that Neel would sell his kidneys and testicles to catch her attention, and I took it literally, so I thought it was going to be a heavy and bittersweet love story but it was quite the opposite. But I'm not disappointed, it was a light and fun read! Though it did feel a little bland I guess, there was very little interaction between Neel and Jhanvi that I couldn't really feel a lot of the chemistry or the attraction, but I can understand since you can only put so much in 3000 words. But I think you could've done a lot more "showing" instead of "telling. Like instead of Neel narrating this and that and everything about Jhanvi, you could show it instead. Show Neel staring at her from afar and admiring her instead of having him narrate "I saw Jhanvi and x y z happened" but otherwise, it was still decent!

Character development: There's not much to say, from the beginning it was already clear that Neel was infatuated with her and it's the same thing towards the end. But I like how he is realistic, he didn't go up to her right away like a confident man. He was shy and very reserved and you were consistent with that and you really emulated his character as a shy guy who has a secret crush, like this is very realistic of someone who is like that. Though I thought it was a little bizarre that out of nowhere he grew confidence and a pair of balls to see her in her dorm, you called it 'Divine Intervention' and even Neel agrees that nothing could explain how or why he decided to boldly approach her. I think their conversation would've already been a good trigger to that instead of 'Divine Intervention' or something that was so out of blue. But that's just my thoughts regarding character development. For Jhanvi, not much character development was clear either. We know little of her personality and only are given snippets from Neel's narrations so we don't really know her in and out but just through the eyes of Neel, which is fine because we are in his pov. So I can't say much about her, her feelings toward Neel are also a little unclear from start to finish. But that's alright as well as we are from Neel's pov and Neel can't certainly know her feelings, so it's all good.

Grammar and punctuation: Here, you have some punctuation and grammar errors littered all around the chapter. I suggest you do a quick proofread or check through Grammarly or even an editor would suffice. They weren't outright annoying that frustrated me as a reader, but I was able to pick up these bits and pieces here and there while reading but it didn't fully take away from the reading experience so that's alright.

Missing dialogue and action tags^

Consider rephrasing this as it can be misinterpreted to two people (Neel's aunt's husband AND amother Uncle Bane dying, but I know they'fe just the same person)^

An example of prepositions are not used correctly here or you miss some commas^ (Maybe change to: 'By the time I knew so much about her, it was almost sick' or 'By that time, I knew so much about her that it was almost sick') These may seem so minor and I may seem nitpicky but this can still impact your story and the flow of your sentences~

Writing style: It's a lot of narration and describing Jhanvi through the eyes of Neel, but I feel lack it lacks a little more vivid description and figurative language. There was a lot of average and surface-level description such as things like 'She took my breath away' 'I was obsessed with her' 'her eyes were crystal blue' but I feel like you could dig deeper with description and really paint the infatuation Neel has with her.

Sentence structure: Simple sentences, average structure. Everything flowed nicely and didn't feel choppy or the words didn't feel disconnected. It was decent, no problems at all in this aspect.

Though just a friendly suggestion that isn't necessarily part of sentence structure but the writing format/structure of the chapter:

I feel like this would sound even more dreamy or really siwrling around in his head if they were italicized, these little things can still make a great impact on the aesthetics of your chapter~

The pace of the story: Good pacing, I think it was perfect. Not too fast nor too slow, the build-up was timely and considering it was only around 3000 words, I don't have any complaints.

World-building: I feel the world-building was vague and ambiguous, but it wasn't bad. You did structure it with the fact that theiy're in college and the lives they live, such as Neel being the ordinary college guy partying when he can and having a part-time job at the bookstore. It wasn't bad, but maybe you could've done better!

Bonus: Cute plot! And also, I like where you left the ending and that it can be left to the reader to imagine what happens next. Since we don't know much about Jhanvi's feelings for Neel, was the smile a precursor to a polite rejection? Or was it excitement and she was hit lovestruck by him as well?

Rating: 6.9/10

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