It was cold and light, but everything felt so heavy. I could not move. I was fixed tightly on where I was lying.

Where am I?

I was trapped in a blinding white vast place. No ceilings, no walls, no floors. I felt so anxious. I had a sense of unbelongingness. This was not the place I lived in.

In the midst of my lost state, I heard therustle of whispers nearby.

Who was that?

I wanted to doubt my eyes, but two frames of bodies appeared like a smoke. They were facing against me, but both of them were carrying a lifeless body. A corpse? Why were they holding a corpse?

"Hime . . . Hime, isn't moving," I could sense his crippling lamentation. "I will . . . I will not forgive them!"

Nathan?  Is that Nate?

"I will also," another familiar voice resounded. And it was Kuya Mike! "I will destroy them . . . For killing Natsumi."

Huh?

Killing? Me?

I am dead?

No, no . . . I am here . . . Can't they see? I'm here, Kuya Mike! Nate!

I had to stand up . . . I had to move! I wanted to run where they were! Yet I couldn't move! I could not be moved!

I wanted to call Nate . . . Kuya Mike, but my voice wasn't here . . . My voice, where did it go? Why I didn't have my voice?

I was only watching them with fear in my eyes, and gradually, this fear in me grew thicker when I saw that they were about to disappear!

Wait . . . Kuya Mike! Nate! I am here! Don't leave me . . .

Thus they went invisible, vanishing like a thin vapor.

I'm scared. I was really scared, but there was nothing scarier to what I saw. They left, but the corpse they were holding remained.

The corpse's head was facing me . . . There was no life in its eyes, reflecting a lost soul that couldn't cross the river of the afterlife.

The corpse never moved as well. I just had tears flowing endlessly from my eyes.

To the corpse's face, all I could see was the representation of deaths, loses, and sufferings.

What happened?

Although I couldn't take any of it, all I did is to stare to her eyes . . . I was staring at myself.

I am the corpse they were mourning too.

Why am I dead? I couldn't be dead!

I had to stand up! I had to get away from this! I wanted to see my family . . . I wanted to feel their embrace again!

I could feel . . . I could feel they were waiting for me.

Move . . . Wake up!

I should get up, but my paralyzed body suddenly floated. I could see my corpse in an aerial view.

Tremendous fear prevailed over me. No, no . . . Just no! I can't die yet! I don't want to die!

Seconds after seconds, I was carried by a mysterious force away from my dead body. I was held helpless, raising an arm towards her.

No . . . Let me back to life.

Almost . . . Almost did I lost my hope, but there was a hand reached for mine.

A gentle and kind hand. Little did I know, someone appeared in front of me.

My eyes went round as my breaths were taken away from me. All I ever I had is heavy weights lying on my chest.

Den . . .

Having a warm smile, he began to guide me and said, "Remain calm, Natnat, it's still not your time."

After saying that, there was nobody else in this place of white. I stayed clueless, but I felt like that was the ending of my dream.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

It was still heavy. And every time that my consciousness awakened, it felt like I was always emerging from the deep waters.

The last proper memory I had was that there were doctors surrounding me. There were insanely bright high-powered lights pointed at me. I was sweating from the heat, but still felt like I was freezing, because I could feel the pressure of my blood coming out from me.

It was really painful and there was nothing I could do, so I went back to sleep again.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

Skipping . . . Seemed like the time was skipping at a fast pace. For some reasons, days, weeks, months, and months had passed through my head.

I could tell that I was in the hospital. My eyes were closed and I might appear unresponsive to my environment.

It must be a piece of luck, but I managed to open my heavy-lidded eyes slightly. My visions were blurry, but I could see vague shapes moving around me. I was aware that I had been sleeping for a very long time, yet I still felt so tired.

My body was covered in tubes. I couldn't even talk, because I also had a tube down my throat.

There was a miracle and I could hear. The beeping sounds of the machine filled my ears.

It was still a hopeless state and I only closed my eyes once more and got lost to another deep dream in the ocean.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

I didn't remember how did I wake up, yet I could tell the probability of putting my consciousness under a long sleep.

And I could feel now. Every hand touches and contacts, my mind could identify it all. I could feel someone washing my hair and body. I couldn't move at all and talk. I wanted to stop them, because I somehow felt violated. It felt actually terrifying.

Sooner, my ears started working again. I could hear a song with a soft and calm melody.

Once again, my eyes opened on their own. I saw the back of my hand looked so thin and aged a lot. I was all skin and bones. I could think that it had probably been for many days.

In my baffled consciousness, I saw someone sleeping in the chair next to my bed. I knew that face. I could recognize her. It was my mother. There were also some people around. I presumed, there were four other people.

One person spoke. Then all of them started talking to me. I couldn't respond. And I couldn't understand what were they talking about.

I had no idea what was happening. And I couldn't care enough . . . But one thing was sure . . . I could tell, I'm almost home.

For some instances, I went back to sleep again with a small smile lingered in my lips.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

I next time I woke up was when I saw my father talking a doctor. (At least I could tell it was a doctor by its white clothes.) Not only him, but I also saw other familiar figures.

They must be surprised, for seeing me awake. Sensing myself awake, there was seemingly a problem within me. It felt like it was hard for me to breathe. I couldn't breathe properly.

It didn't actually matter. All that mattered to me was my family. My mother was here near me. Her tears were either a sign of pain or joy.

And it felt like years since I saw her. I wanted to touch her; I wanted to feel her warmth.

I commanded myself to lift my arm, and so I did; although it hurt to carry my own arm. With a light and soft touch, I caressed my mother's face.

I was telling her that I missed her. Not only her, even the people around me.

My father was here. As well as Kuya Mike and Nate. It was evident to their faces that got older. One of the things that I remembered was Nathan was just a little boy.

It only concluded that it was really years had passed.

I had no awareness of how I did get here. Why did end up here in this kind of state?

I could remember them . . . Yet something was still missing.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

I'm already awake.

My head was still disoriented. I was in the hospital, yet I could remember why. I could control my whole body, but I was still weak. I was confused about everything. Everything was still a mystery to me.

What I was feeling was that my life as for now was a half-forgotten dream.

There was still a tube inside my mouth down to my throat. But I had taken a huge improvement to my state. I could understand what were they speaking; I could hear their voices clearly. Yet there was something wrong with my sights. My right eye couldn't see well.

Wondering . . . I was just wondering, until persons came inside this room. Two of them were doctors—a man and a woman. The last person was male.

There was something inside of me that they were close to me . . . But I wasn't really sure.

"Hello, Miracle," the male doctor greeted me with a gentle smile. "Seemed like you're having a fast recovery."

I couldn't answer and was tired to create an expression in me.

"It's okay, I understand." he smiled once again. "We came to remove your endotracheal tube, I can see you can breathe on your own and your lungs can now function well."

So they did remove the tube attached inside my mouth. And he was right. I could breathe properly without the help of the intubation.

"And here are your MRI reports." this time it was the female doctor who spoke. "You're now stable; the swelling has stopped, no indication that there's bleeding in your brain. It's good news that you can control your breathing."

I was just keeping silent. I wanted to ask them the things happened before I got here.

"Miracle," the female doctor stated again. She knew my name. "It awed me that you've returned to life after all the horrible things happened to you." and there was a pain in her voice. I saw a tear bubbled to her eyes, but wiped it quickly. "You've been in a coma for nine long months after getting shot in the head. It was truly a miracle."

I didn't know how to feel. That answered some of the questions I had in my head.

I was shot in the brain . . . Why?

"The bullet came into your frontal lobe, and came out to the lower part of the parietal bone." explained the male doctor. "In that case, the bullet passed to the area of the left hemisphere of the brain that deals with your speech, comprehension, and writing skills. But it is remarkable that you preserved your languid center.

"Based on the test we conducted, the fact that you can now follow commands, already indicates that there's a language ability persisted. You can move the both of your legs and arms, and that's essentially extraordinary." he took an inhale before started talking again. "There's only 10% of the people who get brain shot and survived, you must be a real miracle. There could be still infection, but the possibility you could survive well is extremely high."

"There are still risks," this time, the female doctor said. "But the risk you have to take is far, far, far away from the past months you were. The only thing we should accept that the right side of your body will be weakened."

My will to talk is sealed up. I only took a deep breath and sigh silently, hoping they could understand my grief.

A shot in my brain . . . Who would plan that to kill me?

"Thus," spake by the doctor, "We'll soon start your rehabilitation. For now, you have to rest; you may practice to speak again, or sit down, but don't exhaust yourself too much." He was grinning while talking to me. It soothed me—that kind of smile. "Well then, we'll take our leave."

As they were leaving, I saw the other man looking at me. He was a young man. He had the stare was afflicted by sorrow and yearning. His sapphire eyes were speaking at me with complicated words and said, "Hey, Miracle." It was the first time he uttered. "Can't you remember us?"

I paid a closed look to them. I could somehow feel that there was a wire that was tied between us. But it worth nothing in the end. I couldn't remember.

Weakly, I shook my head. As he perceived my answer, he replied, "I see. Then, what age do you think you are right now?"

I mentally scanned all the memories left in me. All I could remember that I was still in my trainee days.

"E-Elev . . . ven," I said breathlessly.

He grinned, "I get it. Until we see again, Miracle."

And before leaving, he smiled brightly—as pure and kindhearted as he looked.

Eventually, just listening to their report about my condition, I couldn't help but to feel the fatigue bearing me down . . . until I only lost my consciousness.

↭ ♡ ↭

hello, binches!
i tried. yes, gdbye

and btw, have u seen the latest pic of the black hole? omg yass, i belong there. take me to black hole, pls. thank you

also, pls pray an abundant kasipagan to my soul, cuz i might start writing the next chapter. lol

thank you~ i luvv luvv y'all, my quasars.

🌻 h a n d t h e I r e n d