Good news:
Birthday coming up and holiday.

Bad news:
If i get bad scores, I might not be able to come back here for a long time.

So yeah, I hope I get good scores, but still doubting it. I'm scared. I'm scared that I might get super bad scores that will make myself suffer.

Plus, I have been dreaming about this for sometime and in the end I ended up hurting myself.

So yeah, I really wish I wasn't born, or at least wasn't in this wonderful family I have. It's not only that I can't do anything to make them happy, I am also a deadman.

I am just a dead weight.
I always hope that one day if I Will only kept ruining this family, I might just run. Run away as far as I can.

I just don't want anyone to find me and to take care of me. I just want to disappear, like dust, like ash, nothingness.

Sorry for the train of drama, I just been moody lately. I just can't believe in myself, because I am not comfortable enough.

In the end, I will only be a waste. A waste.

A total loser.
A total failure.
A total idiot.

I can't even do something that is so simple.
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm BEYOND 'not perfect'.

I am broken.
I am nothing.

I feel... Useless.

I feel so down everyday, due to mood swings.
Do to not getting good scores and etc.

But, at least if all the people I cared about are having a bright future, I am happy. I am happy.

^^

You all and my families are the only things that makes me feel better. But, I know that my happiness will end soon, so I guess my lifetime is slowly dying.

My future is ruined, but theres still a chance, but still doubt it.

But yours and my families is what I've been praying and hoping for.
Hoping that all of them having good future with a wonderful family and being successful.

You all and my families is what I have left, and if one day you all left me, I am happy. I am happy because you all can move on and live happily.

I dont care if i suffer.
As long as everyone happy, I am happy ♡

Take care everyone :)

P.S: I will do my best to publish more stories before my phone being taken away.

Take care and Au Revoir, mon ami :D