Moody again.

But much worse and I feel like i wanted to hurt myself because of it.

Am I an idiot?
Am I even have the chance to be smart?
Can I change my previous life, so I could choose I wanna stay alone by myself?
Is there a way?

No.
There isn't any.
Because I'm stupid to choose something.

I am a failure.
Nobody wants me here, in this world.

No one.

Not even myself.

End me.
End me now.

I wish I was in a world, where no one accepts me.
I wish I was in a world, where people hates me, bully me, abuses me.
I wish I was in a world, where nobody look into me as a person.

I wish I was invisible.
I wish I wasn't born.
I wish I was a mistake.

I always pray for everyone that I cared for, and I don't care if I suffer in this world and in the afterlife, as long as all the people I cared for are safe and happy, I'm happy.

So, if you are reading this (which probably not much, since this book is still new), I am very happy to have all of you as a part of my life. I am happy to have you, when I'm falling apart. I am happy to have you being a part of my mind, my heart and my soul.

Without you all, I am nothing. I am just an empty glass, waiting someone to broke it. Then healed it by making it again, then broke it.

Again.
And again.
And again.

No matter how I tried, my fate will always stays the same.

I don't care, I just wanted to suffer. I wanted to feel what you all feel.
I wanted to be abused.
I wanted to be bullied by everyone.
I wanted to be hated, ignored and treated like an animal.
I wanted to cut.
I wanted to feel pain for the rest of my life.

I don't want to be loved...
I don't want to be cared for...
And I don't want to be known as a "Person"...
I am... useless.
I am... Fading.
I am... All alone.

I am sorry if I am bringing so many dramas to all of you. I am sorry if I am ruining your day because of this.

And don't need to worry, I'll be fine...

I've been through this before, and I will do it again. Please, take care of yourselves alright? All of you are more precious to me. ♡

Thank you for seeing this, but if it makes you sad, I'm terribly sorry. And don't worry, I'll be alright ♡

Au Revoir, my friends 💙💜