Five Years Earlier

When Ruby opened her eyes, it took a moment for her to remember where she was. As the realisation flooded over her, rather like a shockingly cold bucket of water, so did the mortification. She sat up, propping herself on her elbows. The room was bright with early morning sunshine. This was bad, very bad.

John was sitting in a chair reading a book; his feet resting on the foot of the bed. He looked up. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’ Ruby sat up, the blanket that had been covering her fell down. She was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe I fell asleep...”

John took his feet off the bed. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said, casually.

‘Your Aunt...’

‘She didn’t twig. She’s gone out already too, so the coast is clear.’

‘Oh God.’ Ruby swung her legs over the side of the bed so that she was sitting on the edge. She put her head in her hands. ‘What am I going to tell my mother? Where am I going to say I’ve been?’

‘I’ve been thinking about that.’ John closed his book and put it on the bed. Ruby stole a glance at it. She hadn’t imagined John would be the reading type. ‘You could tell her the truth.’

Ruby laughed dryly. ‘Yeah, I’ll do that. Got any more good ideas?’

‘Nothing happened, though, did it? You wouldn’t be lying.’

‘Would it make a difference?’

‘You’ll have to go with plan A then.’

‘What was that?’

‘What we were saying on the bus, remember?’

Ruby didn’t. She didn’t remember an awful lot of anything that had happened - or at least there were parts missing. They were in the pub. She’d lost Clare, but Stuart had still been there. She remembered John yelling at him in the street, and then they were in a bus shelter and John had --

‘Blame it on that Clare. Some sort of emergency, you had to lend a hand. Emotional support,’ John continued.

‘I guess I could say that,’ Ruby mumbled, the memory of the kiss distracting her. She stood up, feeling herself blushing. She couldn’t quite look at John. ‘I suppose I’d better go then. Face the music.’

John stood up too. ‘Alright, mind how you go then,’ he said, rather shortly.

Ruby turned to leave.

‘Er, what are you doing Saturday?’ John asked suddenly, with a unnecessarily violent clearing of the throat. ‘D’yer fancy going pictures?’

‘Oh, I can’t,’ Ruby said. She dared look at John again, surprised by how crestfallen he suddenly looked. ‘I work on Saturdays,’ she explained quickly. ‘At the Boots chemist in Penny Lane.’

‘How about Wednesday afternoon then?’

Ruby had classes on Wednesday afternoons but she nodded. Wouldn’t harm to miss one, would it?

***

August 1963

‘Did you get there alright?’

The phone line crackled and popped, distorting Billy’s voice. He was only sixteen or so miles away, but he might as well have been on the moon.

‘Yeah, fine, love.’

‘Did you meet your friend?’ he asked idly.

For a moment, Ruby panicked. How could he have found about John? So soon?

Then she remembered the hasty back story she’d told him just before she’d left. Billy normally never took very much interest in where Ruby was going and who with, so she hadn’t been prepared when he suddenly asked who she was going to The Beatles concert with. She couldn’t say she was going alone. He might have offered to come along.

‘Oh, just a girl I know from back in Liverpool. Clare. She’s coming down specially.’  It had been the first lie she’d ever told him.

‘She’s uh, arriving a bit later on. I’m going to meet her in a bit.’

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay getting back tonight?’

What is this? Twenty Questions? Ruby thought unkindly. ‘Yeah, the last night bus is about 10, so there should be lots of time. I’ll be back by eleven at the latest.’

‘Okay then. Well, have a nice time. Don’t run off with any Beatles!’

Another brief second of panic before she realised he was joking. She laughed. It sounded like a penny rattling inside an empty tin can. ‘Of course not,’ she said, slightly choked.

***

Five Years Earlier

‘This is because of that boy, isn’t it?’

Ruby’s eyes widened. ‘Who?’ she asked, trying to sound innocent, struggling to disguise her surprise.

‘Don’t come that,’ Ruby’s mother replied, folding her arms. ‘I wasn’t born yesterday, you know, Ruby. Mrs Wickes saw you with him. Twice.’

Mrs Wickes! The old bat lived two doors down. She’d been in the cinema last week. Ruby was sure she hadn’t seen her and John. She’d been wrong.

‘I don’t know what she’s talking about. She must have seen someone else.’

‘Who is he?’

‘I’ve told you, I don’t know who...’

‘Ruby,’ She softened her voice. ‘I was once your age. I know what its like. I suppose, you are old enough to... have some interest in boys.’

Ruby chewed her lip. ‘It’s... not because of him.’

‘Oh, Ruby. Haven’t I always told you...’

‘It’s got nothing to do with him,’ she repeated, raising her voice.

‘Don’t take that tone with me.’

Ruby signed emphatically and pulled out the chair to the kitchen table. She’d known this conversation would be a difficult one, but she hadn’t anticipated having to confess about John.

Ruby had been missing classes, so many she’d been invited to a discussion with her tutor about her future at the art college. Not that Ruby had been all that bothered about it. It wasn’t working out. She just didn’t like it. College wasn’t for her. She couldn’t explain that to her mother though. No, there had to be some added dimension, some other force pulling the strings.

‘I’ve been offered full time hours at Boots,’ she said, trying to keep her voice even. ‘I’m going to take it and drop out of college. I don’t want to be a student anymore. I want to get out, earn some money.’

‘Boots?’ her mother scoffed. Her mother, who took in other people’s washing and scrubbed the steps of pubs just to make ends meet.

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Is that all you want to do with your life? Work in a shop?’

‘It’s a pharmacy.’

‘Boots is alright for a Saturday job, but Ruby, don’t you want to do something with your life? Something better?’

‘I won’t be there forever. It’s just for now.’

Her mother considered it for a moment but then she shook her head. ‘No. No, I’m sorry, Ruby. You can’t drop out, and that’s all there is to it.’

Ruby looked up at her mother defiantly. ‘It’s too late. I’ve already done it.’

She drew herself up and took a deep breath, in an effort to control her temper. ‘Then you’ll have to go and undo it then,’ she said quietly.

‘I can’t, Mum, I’ve already missed too much,’ Ruby mumbled.

She stared at Ruby pointedly and for a moment Ruby thought she was going to hit her, but instead she pulled out the other kitchen chair and sat down opposite her.

‘So what’s changed then, Ruby?’

Ruby couldn’t look at her. She down at her hands in her lap.

‘Because a few months ago you were so keen on art college and becoming a painter. Perhaps teaching Art later on.’

Was that her idea of ‘something better’? Being a teacher? It certainly wasn’t Ruby’s. ‘I know, but...’

‘And now this boy has arrived on the scene and you can’t wait to ditch it all, your studies, your future - and for what? For him?’

‘Oh, Mum! It’s got nothing to do with him, honestly! I can make a decision on my own, you know! I don’t need John to make the choice for me!’

‘John, then, is it?’

Ruby fell silent.

‘John what?’

‘Lennon.’

‘John Lennon,’ she repeated. ‘I don’t think I know any Lennon's. What’s his mother’s name?’

‘It was Julia, but she died.’

‘And where does he live?’

‘With his Aunt.’

‘No, where?’

‘Woolton.’

She sighed. ‘Well, Woolton is a reasonable area. What does this John Lennon do then?’

‘He’s a student at the art college too.’

‘He’s not quite as daft as you then.’

‘I’m... I’m not giving him up, Mum,’ Ruby said softly. ‘You can’t stop me from seeing him.’

‘Is that right, madam? Well, you can think again, because while you’re under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.’

‘I’m not...’

‘Here’s the deal then, Ruby. You go back to college and I’ll allow you to keep seeing this, John. So long as it doesn’t interfere with your studies. But if you want to leave, and you want to carry on living here, then you’re not to see him anymore.’

‘What? You can’t do that!’

‘That’s fine, Ruby. Move out and you can do as you please. I’ll wash my hands of you.’

‘You don’t understand. It’s already done! I can’t go back to college! It’s too late!’ She was shouting now, she couldn’t help it.

‘What’s it to be then?’ She was calm, cool, as always. It would always be Ruby who lost her temper. Her mother would deliver the ultimatums in a cold, collected level voice. Never getting wound up or angry. It was so infuriating.

‘I can’t afford to move out,’ Ruby whined. ‘Mum, please!’

‘Then he’ll have to go, won’t he?’

***

‘Get you Miss Hoylake!’

‘Oh,’ she said, facetiously, putting a hand to her hair. ‘What do you think, John? Do you like it?’

‘Sure,’ John replied. ‘It’s uh, sophisticated. Very Brigitte Bardot.’

John couldn’t help but wonder if it was for his benefit. He’d been talking to her the other day about Bardot. John had always had a thing for the French actress. They’d seen a girl with a Bardot style hair style and John had complimented her. A couple of days later and Cynthia, that posh bird in the lettering class, turns up to college with bottle blonde hair, tied up with black ribbon, and wearing a short sleeve white shirt  tucked into the high waist of her hip hugging, knee length pencil skirt.

She smiled slyly at him and turned to go into the class room. John watched her walk away from him, the slit at the back of her skirt setting his imagination running wild.

A few other students pushed past, following Cynthia into the classroom, but John stood, undecided. If he was going, he should go now before the lecturer turned up. But then if he stayed anyway...

‘Aren’t you coming in?’ Cynthia called to him from inside the room. ‘This is your class too, isn’t it?’

John gave a short nod. ‘I’ve got to meet someone,’ he said vaguely.

Cynthia raised an eyebrow. ‘Your loss,’ she said.

Yeah, perhaps it is, John thought, but just tipped a wink to her and turned to leave.

‘John?’ she called behind him.

He looked back.

‘Some of us are thinking of going for a drink after college. Are you going to be in that pub? The Cracke?’

‘Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll see you after then.’

She smiled again and slipped back into the classroom, and John found himself watching her leave once again. She was pretty, he’d thought that before, but now with the blonde hair and that skirt...

‘Oi, Lennon. Loitering again?’ Stuart interrupted his thoughts as he met him. He followed John’s eyeline and laughed. ‘Oh, right, like that is it?’

‘Like what?’ John asked but Stuart had already walked away. John jogged to catch up.

‘I thought you were with that Ruby sort?’

‘Yeah, I’m going to meet her now,’ John said, a little more defensively that he’d intended.

‘You wanna be careful, la.’

They reached the double doors which let out on to Hope Street. Stu pushed both opened at the same time.

‘You don’t know what you’re on about,’ John said, sulkily.

‘You know what they say?’

‘And what’s that?’

‘Three’s a crowd.’ Stu laughed.

Ruby was outside, waiting for him, standing at the bottom of the college steps. ‘Yeah, so sling yer hook, Stu,’ he said, jokingly, but with a warning tone underneath. The last thing he wanted was Stu giving the game away in front of Ruby.

‘Alright, love?’ Stu said to Ruby with a smile that John didn’t much care for. He walked past her and away. Ruby turned to John with a confused expression.

‘Ignore him. He just thinks he’s funny,’ John said. He gave Ruby a weak smile, wondering why he always felt awkward when he first met her. He never knew quite what to do; kiss her, give her a peck on the cheek, shake her by the hand? He wasn’t certain how she’d react. She was always barbed, prickly, always keeping him at arms length. Cynthia wasn’t like that. She wasn’t like that at all.

***

‘What is the matter with you tonight?’ John snapped, irritated.

‘Nothing,’ Ruby replied sulkily, picking apart a cardboard beer mat and piling the bits up in the ashtray.

‘You’ve got a face on you like a slapped arse,’ John said.

Ruby rolled her eyes at him and turned around in her chair.

‘Last chance, what’s up?’ John said, leaning across the table to her. He put his hand out for hers, but she ignored it.

‘Maybe I’m just fed up of this dump,’ she mumbled.

‘What’s wrong with it, your highness?’ He grinned, trying to gee her up.

‘It’s the same every week, John. The Cracke, or if I’m lucky, a pub in the middle of town. Same routine, same boring people.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Ruby, I didn’t realise I was boring you so much,’ he replied, the humour evaporating from his voice. ‘Tell yer what, I won’t any longer.’

He picked up his beer glass and strode off across the room, leaning on the bar with his back to her. Ruby sighed, watching him. She hadn’t intended to pick a fight with him. It was just difficult to avoid it when her mood was as black as this. John was as much of a sulker as Ruby could be, only he always preferred to do it on his own.

John took a surreptitious glance back at her. Ruby cast her eyes away pretending not to have noticed. She picked up her glass and sipped from it. She was very careful not to over do it now, since that first time. She made sure she drank slowly and when she felt she’d had enough, she would go to get the next round in and switch on to a soft drink without John knowing.

Twenty minutes later and the pub was filling up. People had knocked off work early for Friday. The college had finished for the day as well and students were piling in. John, who Ruby realised, must have missed his last class of the day to come and meet her, soon found some other friends among the new arrivals. That was the thing about John. He seemed to know someone wherever you went with him.

He was talking to a blonde haired girl and her friend. The blonde was thin and pretty with a fashionable knee length black pencil skirt and a short sleeve blouse. She had shoulder length hair which was swept back off her face and fastened up with a piece of black ribbon. Her fringe was slightly too long and it fell into her eyes as she shyly looked up at John. John was standing far too close to her for Ruby’s liking.

Ruby looked down at her own clothes; a tweedy long skirt with a navy jumper which had seen better days, and felt ugly and frumpy. When she lifted her head again, John was looking directly at her. As their eyes met, he made a showy gesture of lifting his arm and placing it around the blonde girl’s shoulders. The girl giggled at something he’d said and playfully prodded his stomach.

Ruby looked away, determined not to give him the satisfaction of showing she was bothered by the display. In a snap decision, she downed the rest of her drink in one, stifling her grimace at the nasty taste. She grabbed her bag and walked through the side door of the pub without looking back.

As she walked up the gentle hill towards Hope Street and the bus stops, she silently resolved to never contact John again. It shouldn’t be too difficult to avoid him now she’d left college. She hadn’t even had chance to tell him that yet. They didn’t share any classes. John was in the form above. Ruby wondered how long it would take him to notice she wasn’t there any more. She wondered if he would notice at all.

She hitched the bag further up her shoulder as she walked. It was heavy. She’d shoved as many clean clothes into as she could carry, plus a few other things and the big, hardback Art history book that really belonged to Stuart Sutcliffe. At least in the end she’d decided to not leave a note for her mother saying she’d moved out. She could just go home and pretend it had all never happened.

‘Ruby!’

She tensed, but refused to look behind her.

‘Ruby! Wait!’ John’s voice, of course. She smiled at the thought that perhaps he did care after all, but then forced herself to straighten her face. She was angry with him. He wasn’t getting off that easily.

‘Where are you going?’ John asked, catching up with her, breathless, his cheeks flushed from the cold air. ‘I turned round and you’d gone.’ He sounded like he genuinely didn’t know why she’d left

Ruby stopped and shook her head at him. ‘I’m going home.’

‘What? Why? It’s not even past six yet.’

‘Why don’t you go back and carry on talking to your girlfriend.’ She didn’t like how she sounded, but she couldn’t help it. It was just what he wanted.

John smiled slyly. ‘Who? That girl at the bar?’

‘Yeah. Why? How many other girls do you have, John Lennon?’

John’s smile widened. ‘Jealous, are we?’

‘Oh, piss off, John,’ Ruby shoved him in an attempt to get past him, but instead he caught hold of her, laughing.

‘Ah, come ‘ed, love. I’m only teasing you.’

‘Well, it’s not bloody funny.’ She struggled against him, but he carried on holding her.

‘I don’t even like that girl. She’s a right snob.’

‘It’s not...’ Ruby stopped and looked up at him. ‘It’s not that,’ she said quieter.

‘What’s the matter then?’ His voice was soft now, like he’d been on the first night.

‘It’s... it’s nothing.’

John released her and twisted his mouth. ‘If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you with it, can I?’ he said, matter of fact.

‘I.. I...’ Before she could get the words out she was crying again, unable to stop the hot, large tears running down her cheeks.

John’s expression softened. ‘Oh, Ruby, tell me, please.’

She sighed and dumped the bag on the pavement. John looked down at it.

‘That’s a lot of stuff. You off down the launderette?’

‘I dropped out of art school,’ Ruby said, sniffing. ‘And my mother thinks it’s your fault.’ John raised an eyebrow but didn’t speak. ‘So she said I can either move out or stop seeing... you.’ Her voice trailed off at the end. It was strange to say that. Seeing you. Because Ruby wasn’t totally sure she was ‘seeing’ John. Fact was, they’d been to the cinema a handful of times, and the pub on Friday or Saturday nights, and that was the sum of it. Except for that one night, John hadn’t tried to kiss her - or even as much as hold her hand.

‘Oh, right,’ John said, after a pause. Ruby looked away, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. ‘And why did you drop out then?’

Ruby shrugged. ‘I’m sick of school. I want to get out and do somethin’.’

John nodded, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. ‘So what are you gonna do about yer mam, then?’

Ruby shrugged again.

‘You were just gonna walk out and that was that? I’d never see you again?’

‘I left because I was obviously a third wheel in there,’ she said sulkily. She picked the bag up and pulled it onto her shoulder, beginning to walk towards the bus stops again. John didn’t move for a moment, then caught up to walk along side of her. Ruby stole a sideways glance at him, irked to see he was now actually smiling slyly to himself.

‘Is everything a joke to you?’

‘So what’s your plan now then? Now you’re no longer a scrounging student?’

They reached the stop. ‘Get a job. Get some money, get out of Liverpool.’

‘And go where?’

‘I don’t know. London. Somewhere abroad. Anywhere that isn’t this dead end city.’

‘Liverpool’s not that bad.’

‘If you want to be a docker.’

‘And what do you want to be?’

Ruby sighed, leaning on the bus shelter partition. ‘Something... Just something. Not a nothing, like my mum, like everyone here.’

‘Am I a nothing then?’ His eyes had a glint which told her he was still teasing.

She gave him a begrudging smile. ‘No.’

‘Good, right answer.’ He came to stand in front of her, gingerly sliding his hands either side of her waist. ‘Because I’m not planning on being an art student all my life either, you know. But I’m not gonna work for a living either.’

Ruby had to laugh at that. ‘And what are you going to do then, John Lennon? Sign on?’

John grinned. ‘Maybe. Maybe become a rock and roll star. Bigger than Elvis.’

‘Elvis?’ Ruby laughed.

‘Or die trying.’

She laughed again. John smiled, but she could see in his face that he wasn’t completely joking now. ‘Really?’

He shrugged. ‘Music is... everything, Ruby. It’s all I want to do.’

‘So what are you doing at the art college?’

‘Wasting time.’

John had mentioned his band before - more than once, but right until this moment, Ruby hadn’t appreciated how much it obviously meant to him. ‘What is your band called?’ she asked.

John rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. ‘Don’t you listen to anything I say?’ he laughed. ‘The Quarrymen. But, I don’t know... we’re thinking of changing it.’

Before she could question him again, the bus arrived. Ruby lifted her bag again.

‘Don’t go home yet, Rube,’ John said. ‘Stay out for a while.’

Ruby looked at the bus and then back to John. She shook her head. ‘I’m really not in the mood tonight, John. I’ll see you.’

He caught her arm. ‘When?’

‘Are you gettin’ on or what, love?’ the bus driver asked irritably.

‘Yes,’ Ruby replied, but before she could John pulled her back and kissed her. Surprised, she didn’t react for a moment, but then kissed him back. However cool John seemed to be to Ruby, his kiss was the opposite; full of desire and longing.

‘Put her down, lover boy!’ the bus driver chimed in again and John released her.

Still a little dazed, Ruby climbed the steps up onto the bus.

‘Pictures, next wednesday,’ John said as the doors closed. Ruby nodded her understanding through the window as the bus trundled off.