Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish

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"Why is she obsessed with him?"

"Because he asked her for marriage by accident."

"But if she sees that the guy clearly isn't interested, can't she just... Let him be?"

Jimin breathes heavily, moving his annoyed eyes to the clearly smug boy beside him, "If you finish the movie than you will see what happens after rather than ask so many questions!"

At the moment Jimin and Yeosang are spending their Friday night watching the Corpse Bride. It has developed a bit of the habit between the two to watch a movie every night, well after the night Yoongi left. Jimin felt himself get a another panic attack episode while being in his room and walked out to see Yeosang moving annoyedly on the couch, unable to sleep. It was quite an awkward exchange between the two at first since they barely speak to each other but after settling on perhaps watching a movie, it began to ease down the tension.

Days pass by and when the sun sets became what they look forward to the most.

Jimin has grown more vocal with Yeosang, still keeping his slight distance since he's still not exactly comfortable being around people. Their conversations don't extend out to deep ones, it only stays on the surface, the type to not make Jimin think too hard about in that way his anxiety doesn't start running up.

It's strange really, being able to smile again for a split moment and not think so negatively about it. Yeosang just has that bold aura that his bluntness ccan sometimes be amusing to listen to, especially when it comes to his nonexistent love for Taehyung.

Slowly Jimin has begin to feel comfortable enough to last more than an hour around another presence that wasn't his brother. It's quite relieving how being around Yeosang makes him forget about the horrors that his ex boyfriend engraved in his head, just for a mere second.

However that doesn't mean the insomnia and panic attacks has stopped, especially when he gets a notification from his email. Jimin has tried blocking the email address so all of Joshua's messages go to spam, but Jimin's inner demon also gnaws to take a peek.

It never ends, as much as he tries to avoid it.

Even now as him and Yeosang watch the movie, Jimin couldn't help himself from slowly reaching into his phone with an anxious pounding of his heart. He knows he shouldn't do this to himself, that it will continue to only cause him so much pain.

Maybe that's what he wants.

A reminder why he shouldn't be here with Yeosang right now; laughing or making comments about the movie. A reminder that he shouldn't be happy. That he deserves pain.

That he deserves feeling like he's nothing but a doll to someone's eyes.

And before Jimin was able to stop himself, he clicks on his emails and goes to the spam section.

Oh God.

There's newer emails from him.

15 newer messages.

Jimin's lips wobbled, feeling that familiar squeeze on his chest as he click on one of them.

"Please Jimin. I really do love you, I just want to apologize to you."

Why doesn't he give up already!

"I'm here at a party and I just wish you were here with me. I know how you like dancing so much."

"Give me the chance to speak my end. Please, I promise I won't hurt you."

Jimin feels the burn of his eyes of the familiar tears as the phone practically shakes on his hands now. Seeing multiple of those messages definitely hit the agenda because Jimin was already on his feet and storming to his room, unable to be around Yeosang without feeling disgusted-

"You're just going to leave like that.... Again?"

This isn't the first time Jimin has randomly stormed off while in the midst of watching a movie, and Yeosang has always noticed this. Jimin doesn't do it often but it's a reoccurring thing that happens.

Now Yeosang is not unbothered by it anymore, he's clearly worried yet that emotion is still concealed behind a pair of stern eyes as he looks at Jimin while turning off the tv.

Jimin stops in his steps when he heard his voice, his body shaking now as he tries to take deep breathes to not make it too obvious, "Yeah, I'm a little tired."

Tired.

Probably believable at first but now wouldn't fool Yeosang so easily.

There was nothing said at first but Jimin could hear Yeosang get to his feet from behind him, slightly approaching the other but keeps a settled distance, "I don't believe that. Turn around."

The soft yet firm tone of his voice sent even more shivers down Jimin's body and he was suddenly growing frantic. His legs wobbled and his arms wraps themselves around his body, almost as if he's been punched hard before slowly turning around, meeting Yeosang's eyes with his teary ones.

Those thoughts once again became to overwhelming and Jimin found himself almost collapsing to the ground by how hard it was becoming to breathe, hearing the paranoia that Joshua might come over tonight and demand to speak to him circulate his head. Calling him a whore for being alone with Yeosang here.

He can't face him.

He can't see him!

Please why won't he stop sending me messages!

"Jimin," Yeosang whispers, carefully looking at him as though he was glass, seconds away from shattering to pieces, "It's not true."

Jimin's body is weakening now, face scrunching up in agony to the invisible blade twisting in his stomach, "Y-Yes it is! I don't h-have respect for myself," He manages to choke out, "P-People are looking at m-me and thinking I am a w-whore. He told them a-about me, I know he did!"

The fear in his heart completely takes over and he's doubling over now, unable to take the pain rising up his body as the invisible hand on his throat squeezes tighter and tighter, "I'm so w-weak. I was so h-happy! W-Why did he hurt m-me like this? What did I-I do?"

The broken wail behind his voice only made Yeosang take a step closer, fighting with himself to not touch him while trying to keep himself calm from not marching over to Joshua's place and finishing what he started.

"Jimin don't say that about yourself," Yeosang say calmly, mentally slapping himself since he's just horrible at comforting people, "To me you're none of those things."

Jimin's shaking his head now, looking at him with fragile eyes, "You're lying to me-"

"You know I wouldn't," Yeosang continues to say, gripping the edge of his hoodie to hold himself back, "L-Look at me Jimin."

With tears rolling down his cheeks, Jimin slowly looks to Yeosang's eyes.

For once since they've met, Jimin feels as though he's seeing him for the first time.

He can see the strain he's holding back from not marching out that door to hurt the assassin that killed Jimin's heart. He can see the worry and the genuine pain upon seeing Jimin like this and not knowing what do to help him without crossing boundaries.

He isn't lying to him, yet as much as Jimin convinces himself that it's a brutal lie to his face, he's faced with the truth right before him.

Yeosang wouldn't lie to him.

Why would he start now?

That thought alone caused a feeling inside Jimin to feel as though a barrier is being crumbled down, making more tears pour down his cheeks to the coldness he feels around him.

"Hold me."

Those words felt like a knife slicing through the suffocating air between them, catching Yeosang clearly off guard , "W-What?"

"H-Hold me," Jimin whimpers again, extending his shakily arms out as though he's a child reaching for their guardians warmth, "P-Please hold me Yeosang."

There was moment that no one moved a single muscle, processing what is going on. Right when Jimin began to feel rejected with his face twisting in pain, Yeosang was already striding towards him. It was almost like an explosion of flames that bursts the mild spark in their hearts the second Yeosang wraps his strong arms around Jimin's waist and hugging him so close to him, making sure to hold him tightly just so he could feel the warmth of his heart for him.

That's when Jimin lets out his chocked sobs.

His body is vibrating hard as he cries against Yeosang's shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck as though he was going to let him go.

Yeosang wasn't planning on letting him go anytime soon.

All he does is hold his body, threading his fingers through his silver hair as he holds onto his head and whisper against his ear that he's not alone, to let it all out.

And so Jimin did.

He cried how much pain he's in and that no one noticed, even when he said that he was fine. He cursed that those who saw the signs didn't warn him about it. He screamed at himself for letting it get this far. He blames himself for what he's done that caused this upon himself.

Yeosang took it all in, holding him firmly just when he feels Jimin's legs slowly start to give up on his body. So he hugs his waist tightly once again and slightly lifts him from the ground. Jimin seemed to have understood the message and wrapped his legs around his torso like a baby, sniffling against his neck as Yeosang walks to the couch with ease and sits back down, letting Jimin sit on his lap as he lays on him with his tiny fists still gripping tightly to his hoodie.

He's so light...

Who knows how many days he's spent starving himself because of his depression.

They stayed like this for a while, wordlessly, with Jimin just hiccupping and sniffing back his sobs with choked breathes while Yeosang sits back on the couch with an arm around Jimin's waist and the other caressing his hair like a delicate kitten. He can still feel Jimin's heart racing against his chest, hoping it calms down soon before it actually shoots out of his body.

It's a soft moment, one that Yeosang never experienced before.

Throughout his whole life he has felt as though everything was going too fast and rushing, as if he's always high on adrenaline. Now, this moment here, it felt like everything just.... Slowed down.

He feels calm.

It's almost.... Relieving to just sit and breathe, while holding someone who only craves for that sense of relief as well.

Jimin slowly trails his hands from Yeosang's neck so he can sit up, wiping his tears away like a small child, "T-Thank you."

The younger only twitches a smile to how small he looks and uses his fingers to brush away Jimin's rough fists from his puffy eyes, tenderly brushing away is tears against his swollen skin, "I don't do well comforting people so I don't even know why you're thanking me for."

An amused snort stumbles out Jimin's lips, making his smile almost reach his eyes, "Just accept my gratitude."

Now Yeosang's smile is more genuine, and it's the most beautiful thing Jimin has ever laid eyes on.

No.... He shouldn't think like this.

Jimin's lips turned into a small frown and he glances down to the position they're in, which consists of him straddling his lap and he instantly starts to panic, "I-I ..... I should get off-"

"You're not a whore, Jimin," Yeosang whispers over his fears, seeing those hysterical eyes glow in paranoia, "Don't ever think that you are because you aren't."

His lips wobbles into a pout and more crybaby tears rolled down his cheeks, "B-But I fucked those g-guys and I-"

Yeosang instantly shakes his head, clasping his hands on his neck so his thumb can caress the sides of his face to keep him calm, "The past doesn't define you. We all have our own story Jimin.... We all have to go through experiences that will hurt us or make us happy, but it makes us always wiser if we let it. Look forward to who you want to become. The past has no hold onto you, only if you let it."

Jimin's weighs the words down, forcing a whimper out of his trembling lips, "I-I'm scared."

"Then I will protect you," Yeosang says back, his eyes now firm, "As long as I'm breathing, I promise you Jimin that nothing will ever hurt you again. Whatever pain you're carrying, give some of it to me so it won't hurt so much on you. You will never have to be afraid of anyone again because I will be right beside you. I will keep you safe Minnie, I won't let you down, ever."

Those words felt like a soft blanket covering over Jimin's body, filling him with so much relief as it burns away those negative thoughts he once had. He feels himself believing those words of the younger in front of him. Fear slowly began to cower away for now, being scared of the promise of the spring day to Jimin's endless winter.

It felt... Nice to hear those words.

The words that he's not alone, like a reminder

That he's going to be okay and safe.

He believes him, he knows he does.

So Jimin slowly nods, blinks his tears away, "I trust you," He whispers, letting out a slow breath as he feels himself calm down, letting himself open up to him, "J-Joshua has been trying to reach out to me... Through mail."

Jimin can't see it.

He can't see the storm suddenly appearing behind Yeosang's eyes that's covered by complete understanding, hiding the infuriating rage. He can't see how Yeosang is already burning a whole building down, thrashing the world around him as he screams in aggravation to his anger in his head. He can't see the way he's already planning so many ways to kill the man once he's given the chance.

So many ways to remove him from his existence on this Earth.

No, he can't see it because Yeosang knows how to cover up his emotions. Instead, he only drops his hands, giving Jimin the space to speak before he loses his mind.

Jimin saw this as a soft gesture for him to continue, so he slowly nods to himself, "H-He keeps telling me t-to talk to him, that he wants to apologize but I-I just can't Yeosang," He croaks out weakly, "I put his emails on spam but now I can't help himself but check the mails. I want him to stop so I can keep going. I can't be like this anymore."

Oh if it wasn't for Jimin physically sitting on him right now, Yeosang would've been out that door right now. Well, he could just easily move him and get out but right now he can't dwell on his anger.

Minnie needs him.

But something did glitch inside his head when Jimin showed him his phone, seeing all the emails before his eyes while Jimin only tries to keep himself steady while rubbing his hands anxiously together.

Message by message triggers a new found anger inside Yeosang that he's now seeing red as the phone physically shakes in his hand.

"He's at a party?" Yeosang asks, keeping his voice to the same level even if it was becoming entirely difficult for him, "The one Kookie went to?"

Jimin gulps and slowly nods.

That was all he needed to know.

Yeosang squints one last time at the phone before putting it aside and focuses his whole attention on Jimin, masking a wide smile, "How about getting a new phone and email address?"

Jimin let's out a small choke to this, another one of his small smiles twitching his lips, "Sounds like a plan," He snickers, his body seeming much more relaxed than earlier, "I was actually thinking of moving out of the dorms."

This isn't entirely a surprise for Yeosang as he expected. Well he could see why this would be a good idea for Jimin, since all his horrid memories with that lunatic is here upon other memories he didn't wish to remember.

Yet this still weighed heavy in Yeosang's chest, a feeling he didn't like to feel at all.

"I think that would be a smart of a idea," He says despite the small sting in his chest, "It's good to start new somewhere else."

Jimin nods to those words, suddenly biting his bottom lip nervously before taking one of Yeosang's hands, "I sorta want.... You and Jungkook to move in with me?"

Well he definitely wasn't ready for that.

Yeosang's eyes expanded to this, nearly choking on air from the sudden statement. This was something he most definitely did not expect. Sure him and Jimin have their... Moments but he never expected for Jimin to tolerate him enough to suggest living with him.

This brought back that taunting warm sensation to bubble up his chest, making him feel that annoying discomfort of unease all over again as if he was high on drugs.

Maybe Jimin is becoming a drug for him because this always happens whenever he says things like this.

That involves him being... Touching without even trying.

However a small thought crosses his head, making him frown slightly, "I'm going back to Busan after Iodine- I mean... After things clears up back home. I only came because it was becoming hard for me to stay back."

The most deepest frown that Yeosang has ever seen on Jimin slides his lips, moving his eyes down to their hands in slight sadness, even if he didn't want to show it.

Ah great he made him upset.

Yeosang mentally slams his head against the wall repeatedly before moving a hand to Jimin's chin, raising his face up to look at him gently, "It's not for certain yet," Yes it is, "We'll see what happens when the time comes, yeah?"

Now this made Jimin's frown move to a more softer smile, satisfied enough with the answer, before leaning down to melt back to Yeosang's chest, nuzzling his face against his neck while wrap his arms around his torso.

"This is the first time I've been physical with anyone since then," Jimin mumbles quietly, sending goosebumps all over Yeosang's skin, "I can't guarantee you I'm still be comfortable with it tomorrow."

A slowly smile forms Yeosang's lips as he goes back to wrapping his arms around Jimin's waist, like a protective blanket, not helping himself from thinking how comfortable he is right now or how perfect they seem to fit together like this.

"Take the time you need Minnie," He whispers, feeling Jimin's breathing grow heavier, "There's no rush for healing."

Once again do they fall into this sense of peace while being in each other's arms, only with the dim light of the fairy lights in the room and a few candles to let the scent of apples and cinnamon stretch the room, feeling complete and utter tranquility with nothing but the sound of their soft breathing.

Once again did Yeosang feel calm, as though his life eased to a stop and he's floating on clouds.

He likes feeling like this, almost as if nothing or anyone can hurt him because of Jimin's cuddling body on his.

Jimin ended up falling asleep, knowing nothing will creep him in the dark anymore as the strong arms around him holds onto him as a guide into a lullaby of sweet dreams.

Meanwhile Yeosang takes out his phone, scrolling through his contacts before finding Jungkook's with a deep grimace on his lips. He glances at Jimin, making sure he's completely asleep before calling his brother.

The phone rings for a while before the loud noises of music and scream blares Yeosang's ears, lowering the volume so it wouldn't disturb Jimin while letting out multiple curse words under his breath.

"Hello?"

"Joshua is still bothering Jimin and he's at the party," Yeosang growls quietly, placing a protective hand over Jimin's head as he runs his fingers through his soft hair, "If you don't do something, I will, I swear on my life to that."

And he hangs up, throwing his phone aside.

How lucky that man is that Jimin needs him right now, Joshua would've been torn to pieces already if it was back in Busan. They don't play back home, especially that people Yeosang use to associate himself with.

Yeosang lips stretched to a scowl just thinking about stabbing Joshua to pieces but it slowly softens when Jimin slightly stirs in his sleep, squeezing his torso tighter with his thin arms.

Fuck Joshua, Yeosang is not going leaving Jimin's side at all.

He will make sure to be there for him, just as he promised.

Jimin can't be alone now, not like this.

Yeosang's eyes slowly began to grow heavy to the thought of Jimin being happy, feeling his anger dying down to the tender thud of Jimin's calming heart beat. He leans his head to the back of the couch, closing his eyes are darkness swallows him completely.

The two finally fell asleep in each others without insomnia being a problem just for that moment, and their dreams were definitely sweet.

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A/N:

This chapter was a massive roller coaster, how are we all doing?

I won't lie, had a few tears when Yeosang told Jimin he was going to keep him safe. Like honestly this whole scene was just so beautiful. There's just so much going on, so much trauma yet healing and understanding I'm going to cry.

Thank you all so much for reading!!!

I PURPLE YOU!! <33