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38: Recovering Through

In My Blood - Shawn Mendes

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It's been a while since Jungkook has had a long night like how he did the past few nights. The last time was when Jimin and Taehyung were both going through their own dilemmas. At least now Jungkook wasn't alone since Taehyung refused to leave him alone.

The problem was that Yeosang refused to receive any help.

He didn't want Jungkook or Taehyung to help him, even when he would be a shaking mess on the floor as he begged to give him some drug at all.

Cocaine, pain killers, anything!

He just needed something.

Taehyung sadly knows these signs all too well and as much as Yeosang didn't want to, he helped him either way. He would pass a wet towel over his heated forehead, give him water, assure him that whatever he's hearing or seeing isn't there. Meanwhile Jungkook was doing the most in making sure he wasn't too heated with clothes due to his fever, massage his aching muscles and take him to trips on the bathroom to throw up to only bring him back passed out.

There's been times Yeosang would go on complete tantrum episode, pleading for the noises of gun shots to stop echoing his ears. He cried to the pain on his body, saying people are kicking him and he can feel it. He hallucinated many flashbacks and it was just so hard to calm him down when he was like this.

He desperately wanted a relief to his pain, for it to all go away.

One night when Jungkook and Taehyung were asleep on the couch, Yeosang sneaked into the bathroom in desperate search for any medicine at all, desperate for a relief to feel any type of drug in his body, but this time Jimin caught him. The other was in his usual conversation with Joshua but the second he saw Yeosang practically spazzing out on the floor, he hanged up the call and thought about dealing with the punishments it'll bring later.

It was almost heartbreaking see the younger boy sobbing for a relief to this feeling he couldn't even describe, nether the less did Jimin fucking understand what was going on. He didn't understand why the younger boy held onto him as if his life depended on it, sobbing to make it stop repeatedly, using his clammy hands to dig his fingers against Jimin's back as if he would fade away and then he'll go back to  being dragged to his own personal torment in his head.

Jimin didn't know what to do, so he hold held the boy back and tried to calm him down by telling him what's on their surroundings. A stupid thing he came up with on the spot, not knowing that being reminded of the present is exactly what Yeosang needed.

That didn't last too long before Jungkook woke up and pries Yeosang's body off Jimin, letting him scream and struggle in his arms as Jungkook wordlessly takes him back to the room, leaving Jimin absolutely breathless and speechless to what he just witnessed.

The first few nights was like this

And it went on.... For a whole week.

Well for the physical withdrawals.

Yeosang has stopped clawing his nails against his skin, vomiting, passing out, and feeling as though his nostrils were burning.

Now he would just have  heaps of anxiety attacks, insomnia and mental break downs from time to time.

One morning the three were passed out asleep on Jungkook's bed, the two elder males being a stone shield on either side of the fragile boy between them. At one point Yeosang began to start whimpering and twitching a lot in his sleep. Taehyung in his sleepy state raises a hand and tenderly caresses the side of his face, petting him like a small kitten to calm him down. Instantly Yeosang relaxed to the touch and fell back into a deep sleep, not slapping Taehyung's hand off of him.

At some points through this Jimin had many moments where he wanted to help too. He would sometimes sneak into the room while his phone is charging to pass a towel over Yeosang's sweaty forehead while him, Jungkook and Taehyung were asleep. He didn't understand what was going on, let alone did anyone tell him, but he tried his best to do as much as he could behind closed doors.

And through some of those moments, Yeosang was conscious enough to notice it.

Jungkook and Taehyung still attended their class, managing to stay awake somehow to do their work. Thankfully they would come back to Yeosang still sleeping. There's been many times where Jungkook would just tell Taehyung to go home, that he didn't have to stay to take care of a withdrawal eighteen year old, but he always refused.

This is the longest Taehyung has ever stayed in Jungkook's dorm and not once did he complain.

On contraire, he looked like he knew what he was doing, but Jungkook didn't question it.

Just as he said, Jungkook has his secrets and so does he.

When the week ended, Yeosang was physically able to walk without his legs being a wobbly mess. Either Jungkook or Taehyung would be by his side though, prepared to catch him in case he falls or just goes into a anxiety attack.

By this point Yeosang wouldn't speak, only if he had to use the bathroom or drink water. He ate small bites of soft food like soup or oatmeal, not pressured to eat more than his stomach was able to hold at the moment. Jungkook knows Yeosang is a ticking bomb just ready to explode once he gets better. He's accept their kindness now because he has no choice.

And Jungkook is ready for the full effect of it.

Meanwhile for Jimin hasn't been any better.... At all. If anything it looks as though the life is being sucked out of him day by day. Jungkook would still hear shouting in his bedroom as he talks to someone, maybe Joshua, on the phone.

Jungkook would check up on him to see how he is but Jimin would only wave it off, saying it's nothing or that it's family issues. A few times Jungkook would even send Taehyung to check up on him but Taehyung was more so on the laid back side of this, saying he's probably just on a tight spot right now, that he will open up eventually.

And hopefully that'll be the case soon.

At the moment, Jungkook and Taehyung are sitting on the couch, leaning onto each other as they rest their eyes, needing it after calming Yeosang through another anxiety attack. It's quiet, very quiet. Maybe because Jimin isn't here and Yeosang is sleeping now. However the two are just about ready to jump into action to aid the younger of his nightmares if he gets any since that's been something that has occurred now.

It was a comfortable silence the two had, and Jungkook took that time to reflect everything that has happened.

What's surprising him the most about this is the fact that Taehyung is still here. Yeah, they're pretty close as best friends, but he wouldn't expect Taehyung to stick around for things like these.

And he didn't want that to go unsaid.

"Thank you Little Cub," He whispers lowly, rubbing a hand against his arm, "I appreciate you helping me take care of Gem, it means a lot to me."

Taehyung hums lowly, hauling his arm around Jungkook's body and bringing him to his chest with his fingers instantly finding his hair, "He's too young to be going through something like this and shouldn't have to be alone."

Jungkook didn't say a word, only feeling relaxed to the soft beating of Taehyung's heartbeat against his ear. They sink deep into the deep water of this peaceful moment now, where no worries lingers the air or that uncomfortable silence.

It was too bittersweet, and Taehyung felt himself feeling as though a lock in his heart opened up.

He trusts Jungkook enough.

He owes it to him, so he can understand better.

Even if he didn't need to, but Jungkook has shown him too much into his life.

"I have a little brother, two years younger than Little Gem," He whispers, making Jungkook snap his eyes open, "I live with him. Once upon a time I was in Yeosang's shoes with the drugs, but with heroin. He was there to help me through it."

Jungkook slowly slides up from him, lips gapped in shock, "Heroin? Taehyung, that shit is like death-"

"I know," He cuts in, eyes closed as if he's going through those moments in his head, "I wanted... To die.... That's why I did it. It would be a slow death that I was looking forward to."

The air felt heavy now, nearly suffocating, especially when Taehyung slightly raised his shirt to reveal the side of his torso that's covered by a clock tattoo.

"Under this tattoo are my scars," He whispers lowly, letting Jungkook trail his hand over the skin, trying not to flinch as though as if the scars are reopened, "My blade scars. To this day.... I still suffer from depression and those suicidal thoughts, but I stopped doing anything to myself for my brother. So in a way... I understand you, I really do, because my brother hated me for attempting to leave him here alone."

The skin against Jungkook's fingertips now felt fragile. He never noticed these scars when they would get into their intimate moment, but they're there.... so evidently there on his skin of the times he wanted to feel anything but the pain of life.

Where physical pain became his best friends.

Taehyung lowered his shirt, his eyes now dark as he tries to hide his emotions, "That's all the story time I'm give you today bun, it was hard enough."

Jungkook had no words. He never expected for Taehyung to ever open up to him, at all. Less about this sensitive topic. That's why.... That's why he exploded like that when he was drunk that night months ago.

He wanted to kill himself.

Again.

In Jungkook's life he's seen many people die before his eyes, but to have someone kill themselves? No.... That's a far too delicate string in his heart.

So he instantly wraps his arms around Taehyung's neck, hugging him tightly while squeezing his eyes shut, "D-Don't die."

Taehyung's breath hitches his throat, surprised by the sudden vulnerability in Jungkook's body as he sudden began to quiver. Slowly he wraps his arms around him, holding him closes to his body.

"I'm getting better, I promise. It's not as bad as before," Taehyung whispers, nuzzling his face against Jungkook's neck, "I can't leave my brother behind. I stopped doing heroin so that's how I knew how to take care of Gem with his withdrawals.... I believe you deserved to know this."

Jungkook only continues to hold onto him tightly, a few shakily breathes escaping past his throat, "I know we have our own affairs, but I really did grow attached to our friendship..... So please don't give up on yourself.... Don't g-go..... P-Please."

This is the first time Taehyung has experienced such fragile emotions coming from someone involving something of his doing.

His brother was never the emotional type, he would scold him like a father would scold their kids: Cold, direct, but caring.

But he never showed how it would hurt him whenever Taehyung would hurt himself.

Never has Taehyung experienced someone being sensitive for him, and he's getting too attached to that feeling from Jungkook.

So this is how it feels like to be cared for?

Or to be worried about?

Interesting..... Weak, but interesting.

It's making Taehyung feel too much.

This only ached Taehyung's heart to the fragile tone in his voice, fighting himself to not cry so he only pecks his neck, "I won't.... I'm not going anywhere Bunny, I promise."

And so they stayed like this, holding each other until they eventually collapsed into a deep sleep; not being aware of the pair of eyes that was staring at them from the corner outside of Jungkook's bedroom. Yeosang just woke up and was about to ask them if they could keep him company because he began to hear noises again, but they're deeply asleep when he came out.

And he's starting to feel afraid with paranoia.

However, instead of waking them up, he wordlessly goes back to the bedroom and crawls to the bed with a pillow over his ears, hoping the noises will fade away eventually with tears beaming his terrified eyes.

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A/N:

Aw :(

Well here's a small glimpse of Taehyung's life, poor Tae :(

I know many of you are probably asking, where are his parents?

We'll just have to see soon!!

I PURPLE YOU!! <33

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