Sayonara Hitori - Taemin

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Jungkook is losing his mind.

He's running through these dark streets, bumping into poles and shrieking to the dark shadows he would see from the corners of his vision. The illusions grow worse and he feels as though every fragment of himself is escaping past his fingers, only seeing him.

Everywhere.

He's seeing Woosung everywhere.

And it wouldn't stop.

No matter how far he runs, how desperate his lungs gasp for air, he can't seem to stop. Every cell in his body is buzzing and he can't feel the way his heart is pounding against his chest anxiously anymore.

Piling up higher and higher with this need to let everything go.

To release the demon rattling against the cage inside his heart.

Don't be Raven.

Don't be Raven.

Don't..... Be.... Jungkook?

As those horrid thoughts settled inside Jungkook's mind, the sanity he desperately tried to control escapes past his fingers.

Becoming the person he so desperately tried not to be.

Raven.

His eyes are darker, the frown is now a scowl and his blood is pumping in such a surging rage of adrenaline that he can't seem to keep at bay anymore.

He doesn't want to control himself.

Not anymore.

Angrily he slams his fist against a random tree before his feet finally arrived to its destination it desired to be in these moments. The rusty door is chained by a lock but that wasn't a problem for Jungkook to find a metal bat laying around from the street kids and slamming it full force against it.

Breaking it right off.

His mind blurred from there.

Jungkook kicks through the door, moving his teary eyes through the old motorcycle track that has been abandoned for years.

The exact same place where he met Woosung.

Where they shared their first kiss.

Where Woosung asked him out.

This place is where it all began.

And Jungkook let himself drown in the deepest waters of the darkness of his sorrow.

The bat he's holding is suddenly slammed against the plastic railings that separated the bleachers and the track. Slamming it against the glass barrier, shattering it to pieces as it flickers down to the ground like Jungkook's heart.

He doesn't stop, he grows more and more vicious; screeching, kicking the dirty ground, swinging punches after punches against to whatever was in his sight until his fists were bleeding through his knuckles.

Fueling himself with complete rage to the complete fuck up of his life.

Everything is fucked up!

He's so angry with the world that he's been holding it in for years.

Angry with his parents.

With Woosung.

With Taehyung.

With his siblings.

W-With everything!

Everyone!

Especially himself....

So fucking angry with himself that he can't take it anymore!

So many years holding this in to finally break apart, and this was his breaking my point.

His knees dropped to the center of the track, throwing his head back with his rough fingers gripping his hair to the roots.

And he screams.

And he doesn't stop screaming.

He screams to the night sky.

He screams to the stars that he use to gaze at with Woosung.

He screams to the agonizing pain he's been holding inside since he was a child, dealing with his parents brutally beating his tiny body and having to lie in school saying he just got into a fight with these bullies.

He screams until he couldn't breathe.

"CAN'T I GET A FUCKING BREAK!" Jungkook screams to the empty track, choking in his words to the sobs that followed soon afterwards.

It was like breaking from the chains, now leaving him naked and cold to the world of his disguise.

Showing how vulnerable he truly is.

The hysterical wails.

The desperate cry for a sense of relief.

His body gently falls to his side, crying to the ghosts surrounding his fragile state. Crying to the guilt wrapping his neck, the shame that bruises his heart.

It's hurts.

Everything hurts.

And it doesn't stop.

His shakily takes out the keychain again, seeing the way it glimmers under the moonlight through his blurred vision.

Just the thought of Woosung clutching onto this before taking his last breath had Jungkook gripping tightly to the object, remembering the way Woosung's eyes glimmered when he first saw it in Christmas.

A memory that felt so long ago.

Woosung..... My Woosung is gone...

He's gone...

"I-I'm sorry," Jungkook croaks, squeezing his eyes shut with his desperate cry, bringing it to his chest, "I-I can't do this without y-you. I'm so s-sorry."

And he cries.

And cries.

He screams and wails to the nothing caressing the air, croaking him to let out the depths of his emotions.

Alone. That's how he feels right now....

All..... Alone.

This regret is the haunting demon that will follow him, never forgiving himself for the sins he made.

Woosung just wanted to see him.

And he pushed him away.

He wanted to hear his voice.

And Jungkook was too late.

Always too late.

Yet Woosung was always on time.

He loved him..... So much.

They had something so special, and n-now....

Now..... f-fuck.

"I don't know what to do," Jungkook wails painfully, cupping his face with his hands, "I can't..... I can't anymore."

And Jungkook reaches to the gun from his pocket of his hoodie, the one he took with him after stopping by the headquarters, making sure it was loaded.

He sits on his knees now, wobbling lips staring at the gun with his crystal tears gliding down his blotchy red cheeks.

He doesn't want to be here anymore.

He doesn't want to be scared.

I doesn't want to constantly be worried about his safety.

Jungkook...... Gives up.

He wants to be with Woosung.

He wants to apologize and hold him again.

Even if he will burn in hell for the rest of his life.

So with a deep breath Jungkook points the gun to his forehead, removing the safety.

He was not afraid.

This weight will be over.

Relief will only come.

That's what he wants, a relief from this weight.

He doesn't deserve to live, he's not strong enough.

He never was, and never will be.

It won't ever stop.

"Wherever you go, I'll follow," Jungkook whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut, "I promise-"

Suddenly Jungkook was pushed down to his side, tackled to the ground with the gun escaping his grasp and kicked farther away from him.

N-No!

What are they doing!?!

NO!

A desperate scream past Jungkook's lips and he turns his fierce gaze up to meet Jon's gaze.

Jon?

How did he..... Was he following him?

"Don't," Jon says sternly, his voice fragile as he holds Jungkook down, shaking his head in a plea, "I know it hurts, but don't."

Jungkook is fighting against him, screeching and crying in his agony.

"I'm tired. I've have a shitty fucking life, I can't trust anyone! Woosung is dead and I can't... I can't live like this. NO MATTER WHERE I GO, I ALWAYS END UP HURT AND I'M SICK OF IT! LET ME BE WITH WOOSUNG! PLEASE!"

Jon lips began to wobble and he shakes his head once again, "Think of Lisa...... Of Yeosang. They need you-"

"They have each other," Jungkook says hysterically, his struggle weakening now against him , "I-I can't anymore. I'm done. I'm tired. It's never going to stop!"

"Yes it will," Jon says back, his glossy eyes reflecting the light of the moon as he stares down at him, "If you want to scream than scream. Cry all you want. Hit anything or maybe even fight something, but you are not going to end things like this."

Slowly Jungkook's high of rage began to dwindle down, now being replaced with pain.

As though he's the one that's been stabbed multiple times.

The one who got beaten until he wasn't breathing anymore.

The one close to dying.

Jungkook's lips is wobbling, falling limp on the dirt ground in defeat, "I d-don't know w-what to do."

A soft smile forms Jon's lips and he gets to his feet, extending out a hand to him, "Well, we're just going to have to figure that out together, right?"

There's a tender way in his voice that felt as though Jungkook was hearing the voice of an angel. His smile felt as genuine as it always does with warm eyes staring back at the ravenette.

Jungkook didn't want to take his hand. He wanted to grab the gun and remove his existence from this planet.

But just thinking of Woosung's parents back at the funeral, them being replaced by his siblings instead ached something so sensitive in his heart.

He can't leave them.

They already lost so much.

They need him.

Not Chungha too..... She needs a brother....

So with a heavy frown, tears still gliding down his cheeks, Jungkook takes his hand.

Hoping that he's maybe right.

Even though he knows it's a matter of time before he breaks apart all over again because he still has an obstacle to face.

That being Kim Taehyung.

And he promised Woosung he won't become Raven. No matter how badly he wants to drown into that darkness once again.

Even though he knows that won't be necessary because his little cub would never tempt his Raven on purpose.

Jungkook deserves a proper explanation.

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A/N:
Comparing the lyrics of Sayanaro Hitori and what's going on in this chapter felt so touching.

That song resembles them so well.

Ahh my sensitive heart.

Thank you so much for reading!

I PURPLE YOU!! <33