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BREATH
*EDITED.

There's something wrong with me today. I'm making way too much eye contact like right now. I'm staring into the eyes of this really cute looking guy who kinda resembles Raven. He smiles brightly at me and winks as if he knows what I'm thinking.

There's about seven people standing before me there are obviously Raven's family they all carry this kinda vibe of something. Low-key I'm pretty sure it's confidence they all have. They are also all good looking.

While looking at the people I've been dreading to meet. This little girl runs up to me and hugs me. Kids so love me you know, so I hug her back.

I say nervously, "Uhm thank," she smiles. Is this angel face beauty really related to Raven? She then runs to Beastly and hugs him.

The words that come out of her mouth are just so cute. "You're cute, your my boyfriend." Even so that cutie is mine.

The expression on Beastly is enough to kill me. borderlines confusement and surprise. "What?"

Raven thankfully saves us. He scoops the little girl, "No Gyption that's just Beastly."  He playfully pinches her.

She asks sweetly,"Did you miss me?" Raven says in a voice that most people reserve for babies while tickling her. "Yes I did miss you. Oh yes I did miss my adorable little baby sister."

She squeals, "I'm not a baby." She looks like she's a toddler she may be just short for her age.

Raven gasps he glares at his family members. "Who lied to my baby sister?" He specifically looks at a boy about ten,"Daniel was it you?" The boy shrugs. And if it was?

I'm getting cold so I say nervously," Maybe I should go?"

This girl who looks about 19 glares at Raven. "Raven your being a bad host. " She takes me and beastly by the hands and brings us into the house.

The girl and family lead us into the dining room. While on our way there I look around amazed. The house is massive and beautiful it somehow feels like home.

We're now at the table Raven and Beastly sit at my sides. The cute boy from before sits in front of me.

"Hi my name is Pharaoh Ser-ra-me Kyle. It's nice to meet you guys. What are your names?" He points at between the two of us.

"Beastly and Halima," Beastly answer for us.

He sounds surprise, looking at Beastly. "Is that really your name ?" 

"No it's my nickname given to me by my best friend." He winks at me.

AHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEESSSS I HAVE BEEN BLESSED! HE CALLED ME HIS BEST FRIEND. I NEED TO CALM DOWN. Take deep breathes, oh oh oh. Trying to calm down my inner fan girl. *Fanning my self*

Pharaoh asks me, "Are you okay?" Oops guess I had a dazed look. "Huh what I'm fine."

Raven's voice hits my ears. " Beastly no offence but I claim the best friend title." He arches his head in a certain angle. "You should know this?", his voice sounds dangerous.

Nodding his head Beastly replies. "Personally I consider her my best friend. So It's just my point of view." I agree with this point of view. No objections there.

Putting his fork down and giving a small casual shrug. "Well I don't think you know her long enough to consider her your best friend so yeah." He purses his lip.

What is he talking about he doesn't​ know me long enough,what? He's the one who has no right to be claiming anything about me.

Beastly turns to me. " Halima  I want to hear what you think. I know your best friend​s with​ Raven but do you consider me your best friend too?"

I can​ feel the hatred being directed at me from Raven's direction it's almost painful. Looking at him he puts his head at a angle that feels like he's threatening, daring me at the same time. Staring directly into Raven's eyes.

"I'll always consider you close to me so yes. You are my best friend almost closer than Raven." I said the almost part just to keep Raven happy. Even so Raven doesn't seem happy. The smile he gives me seems very close to a sneer.

Turning to Beastly, " I guess we're both right. Huh?"

Clearing his throat Pharaoh  turns his attention towards Beastly, " So what is your name?"

Beastly brushes off his shoulders, "Christopher Morales the one and only. "

I role my eyes and sigh,"Yeah sure."

"What you mean yeah sure?" He puts air quotes around yeah sure.

"Really?" Is he serious it's not like he's a big shot. "Oh please you know." I don't like cocky guys.

Beastly looks at me weird, "Are you seriously saying that this body is not a once in a lifetime opportunity?" Pointing at him self. " I mean seriously look at this." Pointing at his face.

He's been taking lessons from Raven on how to be a cocky bastard? "Oh come on. I've seen a cartoon look like you it's way better looking." Hope that knocks him down a peg, so he can go back to being perfect.

He gives me a mischievous smirk. "Oh really? Then why do you like me? " Shit he knows?!! So did he really scoff at me that day?

I instantly deny this. " I don't like you. Who lied to you? And besides if I did like you ,you will be lucky." I'm doing fine, laying down the ground work.

Making sure he knows the rules, mama got this.

"Fine watch this," He lifts up his shirt. So I see a full view of his abs. For the second time.

LADIES WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED.

Bad fan girl. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I couldn't stop my self from saying, "Woah momma that is impressive."

He smiles more slyly,"Thought so." Raven corrupted him. That's what happen Raven's corruption. Raven the corrupter of the beasts.

I punch him in the arm. "Shut up." God he is so.

Once again forgetting Raven's presence. We hear Raven say,"You didn't say that when you saw my abs. Why?" Well uhm it's different.

I snap at him, "Because they weren't impressive." I'm lying they so were.

Then I hear snickering. I turn to look around me. I forgot that we weren't alone. Raven's family look like they were so amused.

Then Raven's so called baby, "I thought she is Ravey girlfriend?"

Sticking up for myself, "Actually I'm no one's girlfriend. I'm single."

The food comes at that moment. The women who has Asian features, and long dark hair also called Raven's mom. Asks us while neatly setting down her plate. "So Halima is it?" I nod my head,"Tell us more about yourself."

Raven's mom.

I choke a bit on the delicious chicken, spaghetti ,salad combination. I'm confused, I feel nervous why does she want to now about me?

"About uhm me?" She nods for me to continue. " I'm sorry Mrs.Kyle there isn't anything to tell you." Really there isn't.

She shakes her head, "Please call me Omma,of course you do. You are obviously uniquely special. Why else would you be chosen for TOP?"

I ask questioningly,"You know about TOP?" I thought it was a secret?

She smiles at me. "Aww sweety. We met because of TOP." Holding up her husband's  lightly darker hand lovingly.

Ravens dad.

That scene has me thinking. I could one day have that. Maybe with beastly or even- no man, what?  Am I thinking about Raven for? Why would I think of Raven?

Beastly I thought was confused. Is instead listening to his music so he doesn't hear. What we are saying. I breath in a sigh of relieve. I don't want him to know. I don't want him to, ever. Know that someone took one look at me and thought I needed help with my life.

That doesn't exactly boost a girls confidence levels. Especially a girl like me. Struggling to find their own light.

********

I never do answer her question. When dessert comes I can not wait. The waiter sets the food in front of me. I'm about to take a bite when Raven cuts my sensual love bite. He's standing right next to me. God that scared me.

"Don't you dare." In a threatening voice. I look at him he has to be out of his mind. Blocking me from my food. Why block me from my food? Must be a death wish I decide.

"You can't stop me."  I stick my tongue at him. Sparing him the middle finger because of the children.

He smiles sweetly at me. " I'm not really stopping you. I just wanted to give you something else instead." That's fake right? Who is he smiling at me?

"Really?" What does he want from me now. He already has everything.

"All you have to do is close your eyes for me." Why would I? Do anything for you. Before I can tell him this. It dawns on me that I have to be nice to him around his family.

" Fine." Shutting my eyes I feel his soft breath slightly blow on my eyes. Making my heart flutter with my eyes. What is this? Are these feelings for Raven besides hatred. Or is it attraction?

Raven's hand wrap around mine, just to take away my delicious brownie ,ice cream ,cake combination that has a few oreo pieces. Oh this merciless fucker. He gets up with my food mind you. I'm about to go after him when Beastly firmly puts his hand on my arm so I can't.

In my opinion if he was trying to be all gentle men like. He should have gave me some of his, but instead he's busy stuffing his own face. Chivary is dead I say. It's disgustingly really attractive. His primitive eating skills.

Raven comes back with a way smaller bowl. He setting it down before me, he smiles sweetly. "Remember your on a diet." What fucking diet? I don't remember a diet plan in my life?

My nose starts twitching is it really a.........SALAD?!

With some DAMN strawberries. With some DAMN yogurt. I know it's for my own good but come on a salad?

Pharaoh asks me," What is it?"  He's unfortunately genuinely curious making me unable to refuse to answer him.

I smile sweetly, holding up my bowl. "It's a salad!"

Beastly couldn't hold it in. He started laughing. When did he take out his earbuds, I don't know? His idiocy is contagious. Everyone started laughing eventually I did to. I still want my food back but still, I didn't want to ruin the moment. Raven better know I will get him.

There's this feeling like like home, I have to admit it felt good. It felt like I had another family and they were surrounding me.

But then Gyption Raven's baby made my day. She ran to my side and gave me a cookie,"Here you can have one of my cookie." You see that Raven take some notes you selfish little God I curse a lot.

I started to say, "No thank you sweety you can keep it." She cut me off by stuffing the cookie in my mouth,it was delicious.

The family was laughing once again. I swear Beast and Rave were the loudest.

********************

When we finish eating.

Raven's three youngest siblings come up to me. " Do you think you'll want to play some games with us?"

I look at Raven, "Sure if its okay with your brother." Raven nodds giving me permission to keep them up later than usaul. Apparently Raven's three younger siblings. Didn't want to go to bed they wanted to hang out with me.

I got to admit I feel in love with his family. They were awesome amazing, and you could tell that they all loved each other.

My thoughts started to wonder when. I was watching Raven and Pharaoh go against each other, in Just Dance it was cute and funny.

I wouldn't mind being part of this family. But for some reason I feel like I already am.

******************************
Gemerald, Raven's older sister is showing me to the room I will be staying in. I consider her beautiful and exotic. Her curls are like a lighter black tone, similar to her mother's.

Her eyes black but when you dark enough to easily pull you in. She resembles her dad more than her mom. While on the way she starts a conversation with me.

"You know, I feel like your different." Well maybe I'm poor and not attractive huh?

"Different how ?" I have to stay nice and not fuck up.

"You seem really different, like someone I know will have a big impact in his life." I thought he was to be the impact?

"Who's life?" Even though I know who.....

"Raven." What does she mean?

"How would I change his life. Isn't he supposed to change mine?"

"Technically in T.O.P the Topper and their Top change each others life. In the end both gain new friends. The Topper moves on to the next person. But never forgetting them but occasionally visits." So I'm supposed to forget Raven? Like he doesn't exist?

I take time to process this, "Can I ask you something?" This is something that his been knawing at the back of my mind ever since I got the reaction from Raven.

"Yeah, sure anything you want." She gives me a reassuring smile. Sighing while fiddling with my thumbs.

"Who exactly is Grace ?" She goes silent and her body goes rigid. "Wait never mind sorry. " I feel like I've overstepped a border somehow.

She stops me in mid sentence,"No I guess you deserve to know. "

"Grace is Raven's Topper before you knew him, he was this quiet lonely kid who was really chubby. " Raven chubby the hallelujah packed boy? I don't believe but I stay silent.

"As a mixed kid in Korea people weren't really nice to him. He didn't talk a lot he barely came out his room ,he was beyond depressed I don't know what else to call it. He was a hallow shell of what he is now. Then Grace came along she was his Topper ,his best friend , she was everything."

Something in my heart hurts, his everything? Stop that and just listen.

"She slowly, but surely took him out of his depression. I never saw him so happy. I watched on the sidelines as  she became his first love."

Raven loved once, with all his heart once. That puts a deep sense of jealously in me that I can't explain.

" They dated but she didn't love him like he loved her." I can see her feelings of sadness and excitement and reminders that come from these memories. " It just reminds me how sometimes love isn't enough." She puts a curl behind her ear.

My eyebrows scrunch in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When he admitted his feelings for her she told him she didn't see him in that way. That day when he came home I knew he was broken. He was torn she broke him. After that from then on he occupied himself with the agency he became the best of the best."

Hearing this my heart feels for him, to try to understand him better. I imagine Beastly as my Grace and it hurts so bad. To be able to continue on with life seems impossible.

I would've..........

" T.O.P is made for teenage interaction that make life long impressions. Which is why All Toppers spend up to a year with their Top but After the breakup he changed. Even to the point of being able to change six people in a year. I know he's in pain I don't want him continuing on this path."

Watching the tears slide from her eyes, " Even through all that pain. I'm glad he didn't take the other way out. But still he's suffering overworking himself." She sniffles," The worst part is he's a legend among T.O.P he's not even able to avoid the other legend... Grace."

I wrap my arms around her. Her love for her family is obvious but to be able to watch everything from the sidelines leave a mark? I let everything sink in, in silence.

The amount of pity for Raven when before I had none has grown 5x. I feel really bad for acting like a jerk to Raven. I could've been a little nicer  about this all.

Pulling her out of my embrace,"So why did I get chosen?" That's something else that's been bothering me.

"I don't know you have to ask Raven." Whipping away a tear.

"What do mean ask Raven?" My head snaps real quick. He said that he was assigned to me.

"Raven chose you didn't you know that?" No that's really something that came up.

"He told me he was assigned to me, he made it sound like he didn't have a say." So why did he lie to me?

"Exactly he assigned himself to you. As a Top we get to know our toppers we choose them when we feel a deeper connection. I guess he just felt there was something about you."

"But there's so many others he could chose from, There's nothing I can offer him." Not a thing he can get from me.

She hugs me and looks straight into my eyes,"He chose you, you're special don't think otherwise." She points behind me,"Your room is right there."

"Thank you." She smiles and walks away. When I'm about to open the door. I here an "Amil ", Who's calling me?

I turn to see Pharaoh and Beastly heading towards me. Man I can't get a moment to think.

Pharaoh smiles, and at me giving me a wink. "Today I'm you guys personal tour guide of Seoul Korea."

Gem shouts to us,"Where are y'all going?"  Pharaoh shouts back,"Out!"

She replies "Raves going to kill you!"

He laughs "HE CAN KILL ME LATER!" He says while stirring me and Beastly down the stairs.

******************************

OH MY GOD WE HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.

The guys left their phones back at the house, and I don't have a phone.

We just came out of this candy store and we were packed the only reason. I'm getting candy, is because Raven isn't here. 

Pharoah stops talking and smiles brightly, " Wait those are my friends!"

"Guys give me a sec." He walks over to his friends.

Me and Beastly give each other small awkward smiles it feels a little different being alone with him.

Pharaoh comes back, " So I'm leaving okay."

Beastly and my eyes go wide with alarm " So you're leaving us here?"

He crosses his arms,"Just for a hour and you'll be fine. Your both mature and responsible and we're not that far from the house."

When I think about it this would give me a chance to get closer to Beastly.
"Make sure you're back in a hour."

I can see Beastly from the corner of my eyes shaking his head. " Lima we can't this is a entire country we don't even have our phones we need him to stay or go back to Raven's."

Turning to him I put my hand on his shoulder, "Do you trust me?"

Slight hesitation," Yeah I do."

I smile brushing off the fact that the person I have strong affections for trusting me."Then we got this, we just listen to Pharaoh's rules."

We face Pharaoh who is giving us a unknown facial expression. " So what are the rules?

"Huh? Oh. Only stay in this area don't wonder off I trust you two to have fun on your own and to be safe at the same time okay? I'll be back in a hour. "

He leaves reminding us to stay in the area and to be safe. As soon as he disappears we start to walk.

***********

Me and  Beastly eventually forgot he even said that. We ventured out on our own.

We were basically wild in the great Seoul Korea city park not knowing where we are. But we didn't let that stop us.

Lets just said we were in mindless behavior. You would've thought that a  14 &15 would be worried that they were lost in Korea.

It was a dream come true for me, for Beastly it was just really fun.

After awhile we decided to just chill for a second.

Not being able to stand the silence, " So how's life?"

I hear a chuckle before I see it on his face. "You're really something aren't you?"

Shrugging while trying to match his pace." Is that a bad thing ?"

"No I like it, I like my life more since I met you."

Turning the other direction to secretly grin ear to ear while biting my lips. This is my chance say something flirty. What is flirty?!

"I like my life more with you in it too."

We smile at each other shyly. His eyebrows crease, seriously.

"Can I ask you something? Something more personal?" I can feel the hesitate bite lip that is his nervous habit.

"I guess, yeah go ahead." Even when saying it confidentially I feel nervous inside. Would he ask me do I like him? Would he ask me about something that I don't even know hurts me?

Not looking at me while we walk, I see him push back his hair. " What's your relationship with Raven?"

Huh Raven? " We're close I thought you knew that?" What was I sweating about?

"Yeah, but I can't help feeling like something more is there. So I wanted to hear from you alone."

I think what Raven would want as an answer, and what I really feel.

"My relationship with Raven is a pull that gravity can't stop. He's someone I can't really get away from no matter how much I want to. He keeps me grounded. Fills me with motivations at a time where I really needed them. He brought me the good and the bad. He was there through my roughest time even when I didn't know it."

Looking directly into Beastly eyes, " To sum up Raven to me, The compass of guardians. He found me when I lost me."

" Can I be your Rav-"

" Halima!"

Who the hell? Fuck it's, "Raven what are you doing here?" Glaring at me through the window. 

His eyes having raw anger makes eye contact with mine. "Do you even know where here is?! You passed the fucking area Pharaoh told you stay in. I've been looking for you for over a hour."

Raven storms out of the limousine mad as hell. While Pharaoh comes out his truck with a amused expression on his face.

He winks at us then he replaces his smile with a scowl when Raven turns to look at him.

"Do you know how worried I was. Losing my fucking mind for you. You can't just leave without telling me both of you. " Clearly he's irritated but, I don't need to be yelled at. He actually ruined my conversation with Beastly what's wrong with him?

I was just executing his perfect plan. He can't seriously get mad at me.

"You don't need to yell at me like I'm a child. I mean look at me I can pass as a grandma." I wave at my body.

His face is full of rage, "How come you can't be grateful, huh? Why so mean? Why so insecure. Why anything? Why do I even fucking care so damn much?"

My heart takes a stab, so much for being special.

"I don't know, why do you care?" That's when I knew I went too far.

" Fucken hell Halima, Beastly your going with Pharaoh and you, you're with me." He waves his hand and I'm
forced to go in silence into the limousine with Raven.

The car ride was awkward. I tried to apologize but didn't know what to say I didn't say anything.

******************************

I went in the kitchen the staff somehow came to love me and started to love them. The girls my age told me that they liked me the most whatever that meant.

I was walking back to my room well the room I thought was mine.

<_ _ _ _-----------------------------_ _ _ _ _ >

Hey hope you enjoyed probably the longest chapter I'll ever write

With love for all(4067)if you'll wondering

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