Chennai, 2022

Shivan was sitting in the drawing room with a mug of hot coffee in his hand. In front of him, was Prakash. They were conversing with each other.

"So, you are leaving tomorrow."

"Yes."

"Coimbatore! Ratneshwari lives there, doesn't she?"

"Probably"

"I did not understand one thing. You said that, you loved her. Then why didn't you bring her back."

"Ravana, the one who defeated the king of Gods, Indra wanted to build a stairway to heaven. Was he successful?"

"Did you also procrastinate like him?"

"I am not talking about procrastination, my friend. I am taking about fate. He was such a powerful king but still, fate did not allow him to fulfil his dream. Similarly, it is fate which has shattered all my dreams. I could not bring her back. It is all because of my fate."

"Why did you not share your problems with me? You did not tell me anything about your marriage and this disaster happened. You also did not tell me anything about Sheetal's lie and had to lose Ratneshwari. Even after that, when you got a chance to mend your mistakes, you did not tell me anything. I am not God but atleast I could have supported you and tried to help you."

"I don't know myself why I did that. I could not understand anything."

"Shivan....."

"I tried everything, Prakash. I did everything that was possible. She appeared before me like a firefly and then, disappeared into the darkness. I searched for her in Coimbatore but I could not find her. Then, I came to Madurai because I had to join my duty. I went to her parents' house. I asked the neighbours about her. Nobody had seen her after our divorce. Someone told me the name of the school and college where she had studied. I met the teachers who had taught her. They did not know about her. I even met the professors who had taught her in the college. Even they did not know about her. I thought that, she might have some friends who knew where she was. But......her teachers told me that...... she never had any friend."

"Perhaps, that's why she was so attached to you. She never had any friend. She wanted you to fill the void in her life."

"I searched for her in social media but still, I could not find her. I did everything that was possible. It was my fate. My fate was not loyal to me."

"Perhaps you could not search properly. Have you thought about that?"

"There is more. I had given up hope. I became busy with my life. I was transferred to Chennai after four years. A few months ago, I suddenly remembered the lawyer."

"Which lawyer?"

"The lawyer who had come to give the property papers to Ratna. He was her father's friend. I took a leave from work and went to Madurai and searched for him. He was a well known lawyer. I went to his house to meet him but...."

"But what???"

"He had died due to Covid."

"But your father-in-law was his friend. Did you ask his wife and children about Ratneshwari?"

"Oh, wait...."

"You did not ask them."

"I realised it just now. You see...."

Prakash sighed. He kept the empty cup on the table and looked at Shivan. He said,"What are you going to do now?" Shivan said to him,"After going to Coimbatore, I will search for her again." Prakash got up from his place. He placed his hand on Shivan's shoulder and said,"I need to go now. And yes, use your mobile phone and inform me about everything." Shivan nodded his head. They hugged each other and then, Prakash left the house.

Shivan started packing his things. He packed his clothes. The furniture had already been transported to the police quarters in Coimbatore. He had a friend who worked in the police department. He had taken care of Shivan's belongings.

At last, Shivan put his mother's framed photograph in his bag.

His mother was very special to him. She was a generous woman. But was her death peaceful? No! He could not understand why.

Shivan's mother was devastated when she learnt about the divorce. She blamed herself for it. She said to Shivan,"Why did you do this to her? Why? If you did not want to marry her, you could have told me. Did I force you to marry her? I got you married to her only because you agreed." Shivan had visited her several times after his divorce. But each time, she used to close the door at his face. She refused to meet him or talk to him.

She had died the previous year. When she was on her death bed, Shivan went to meet her. She cried when she saw her son. He held his mother's hand and told everything to her. He said to his mother,"Amma, you did not raise a son who has committed adultery. I did not do anything, Amma. Sheetal had lied. And Amma, Ratna has also not married anyone. Will you forgive me if I bring her back?" His mother said to him,"I have already committed many sins. I have already caused a lot of sufferings to that poor woman. This time, I will not ask you to bring her back. But my son, if she wants to be with you, then bring her back. Give her all the love and care that she deserves."

Shivan started his journey in the afternoon. He reached there at night. He was greeted by his friend at the police quarters. He handed the keys to Shivan and left.

Shivan entered the house. He tidied his room. It was winter. So, he took out a blanket and slept.

(Next day)

Shivan went to the cafe where he had seen Ratneshwari last time. He waited there for sometime. He thought,"It was raining that day. That's why she was waiting in the cafe. Why will she come here today?" But, he did not know what was holding him there. He waited there for a long time. He met someone, but she was not Ratneshwari. The name of the one whom he had met was 'disappointment'.

He used to go to the cafe regularly in the hope of meeting her. But, he never got the chance to see her.

One morning, he went for a walk. He walked past a cafe. He thought,"I failed to meet her in that cafe. Perhaps, I will meet her in this cafe." But the next moment, there were tears in his eyes. He desperately wanted to meet her. But it seemed that, all his efforts were futile.

He was tired. He was tired of living his life. He wanted some peace. He went to a nearby park and sat down on a bench. He sat there for a while.

It was a beautiful place but he did not like it. When the lady of his heart had taken away all the beauty with her, how could he find beauty in other things?

He was about to leave when he noticed a woman sitting beside him. The woman was facing the other side. He felt something in his heart which he could not explain. He noticed the woman's earrings. Those earrings looked exactly like Ratneshwari's earrings which were gifted to her by her brother. She used to wear them very often. He gathered some courage and decided to talk to her. He said,"Ratna". The woman looked at him. Tears filled his eyes when he saw her face. It was indeed Ratneshwari.

"Ratna, is it you?"

"Shiv?"

"How are you?"

"I am fine. And you?"

"Fine"

"Your hair has started to turn grey."

"I can see some grey hair on your head too."

"That's true. We are growing old."

"Are you still unmarried?"

"I have learnt to live alone, Shiv. There was a time when I used to wait for you. It was a hard time for me. I wanted to end my life. But gradually, I made myself believe that, you are not going to come for me. I buried my pain deep inside my heart. Earlier, I was afraid of the darkness. Now, darkness is my friend."

"It must have been very hard for you."

"Yes, it was hard. But I had to do it. I had to do it for myself. I hid my sadness inside my chest. But sometimes, it comes out. I don't know why. I try to forget my sorrow completely, but I fail everytime."

"What are you doing here today?"

"I came here for a walk. And you?"

"I was looking for you."

"Looking for me? Sheetal will not like this, will she?"

"I don't live with her."

"Why? And your child?"

"She was never pregnant. I never cheated on you, Ratna. She lied to us."

Ratneshwari was shocked. She had not expected this. Her eyes were filled with tears. She looked at Shivan and saw him crying. He said to her,"I wanted to tell everything to you. I have been living alone all these years. You took away all my peace with you. You do not know how much I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I could not even think of cheating on you, Ratna. That day, I met you at the cafe. I went there the next day to look for you. But, I could not find you."

Ratna looked at him. There were tears in his eyes. She said,"Why did you wait for so many years to tell me? You could have told these things to me before our divorce, right? Why did you wait? Why did you not come when I was crying for you? I tried to end my life. Where were you? My tears never dried, Shiv. I wanted you to wipe them. Where were you?"

Shivan cupped her face and said,"I was scared. I did not have the courage to face you. I wanted you to have a good life. I felt that I did not deserve you. But.... I can't live without you. Life without you is equal to death for me."

Ratneshwari smirked. She said,"I was living a lonely life. I needed you but you were nowhere to be found. Now, after all these years, when I have started to calm the fire within me, you have come again. You have promised me spring. Will you leave me again with nothing but an unending winter?"

Ratneshwari started crying. Shivan held her hand and said,"Ratna, come back home. My life is meaningless without you. Ratna, I will do as you say. Beat me, hurl abuses at me. Do it now. Do whatever you want to do. But Ratna, come back home. I cannot live without you."

Ratneshwari wiped her tears and said,"I don't want anything. Just hug me."

They hugged each other tightly. Shivan said to her,"Ratna, let's get married today." Ratneshwari said,"Yes, I am ready. I can't stay away from you anymore."

Shivan and Ratneshwari took a week's leave. Shivan bought a beautiful blue silk sari for her. He also bought jasmine flowers. They registered their marriage first. Then, they went to a temple.

They got married in front of God. Then, they took the blessings from the priest. They were walking out of the temple when suddenly, Ratneshwari fainted.
She woke up after sometime. Shivan said to her,"What happened?" Ratneshwari said,"I was very excited due to the wedding. I skipped my breakfast out of excitement. Perhaps it was because of that."