RaMona Week 2021

Day 4: Dream/Nightmare

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It was the middle of the night when Raphael began tossing and turning in his sleep. His heart was starting to race as his body shook anxiously. Suddenly Raph opens his eyes and jerks up from the bed in a terrified panic, waking himself up from his deep sleep. Sweat ran down his face as his heart felt as if it were about to burst from his chest, screaming and demanding to be let out. Raph was in an inner battle with himself, fighting his feelings of fear, anxiety, and stress he quickly felt when he woke. Raphael had a nightmare unlike anything he's ever had before.

Raphael begins to slow down his breathing to calm himself. He rubbed his eyes, now wide awake and knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Not after having that dream. In the corner of his eye Raphael notices his wife, Mona Lisa, peacefully sleeping by his side. A faint smile was on her lips as he watched her gentle breathing patterns.

Raph sighs in relief, "I didn't wake her... Good."

He doesn't want Mona to worry about him. It was best that she was still asleep, though Raph was envious that she was peacefully asleep while he could not return to bed. He was too scared to. So Raphael got out of bed and left their bedroom, leaving Mona alone to dream.

Raphael quietly heads downstairs of the farmhouse, trying his best not to wake anyone else in the house. As he made it down the stairs he went to the back porch of the farmhouse, carefully opening the back door and sitting down on the outdoor steps to look out at the dark night sky with its shining stars above. Moving to live at April's old farmhouse was a decision he and Mona made shortly after they got married. A place to happily live in peace to raise their children, along with Chompy who's grown quite big after all these years. They were away from the city, with no humans to disturb them. Though Raph had problems with the farmhouse when he had to live there when he was a teenger, he now enjoys living in the countryside of New York. The calming outdoors and the clear night sky helped Raphael relax as he thought over what happened to him.

"It was just a stupid dream..." Raph tells himself as he aggravatedly rubs his head.

Raphael looks out at the night sky and the forest surrounding the farmhouse, seeing the cool breeze making the tree move in its pattern, its leaves dancing with the wind. Raphael takes a deep breath, admiring the fresh air as he hears crickets chirping and owls hooting in the night. It was a beautiful night. It almost made Raph forget what was bothering him so much.

Raph slowly sighs, "You would've loved it here, father..."

"Raphael?" A quiet voice says from behind him. Raph turns around to find Mona Lisa by the door of the farmhouse, still in her pajamas, but now wrapped in a robe to keep herself warm. She looked at her distressed husband with worry, "Are you alright? I woke up and you were gone."

"I'm fine, Mona," Raph answers, turning away from her, refusing to make eye contact, "Just go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?" she asked, "You look pale."

"I said 'I'm fine'..."

Mona examines her husband, seeing his defensive response. She knew something was bothering him, "Raphael, you can't hide things from me," she tells him, "I know how you can get. When something troubles you, you go into full denial."

"I do not!" Raph quickly shouts, offended by her claim.

"Keep your voice down," Mona says sternly but still in a quiet tone, "You'll wake the children."

Raph's eyes widen, realizing his rude loud tone, "...S-Sorry," he goes quiet again. Raph then takes a deep breath and tells her, "I had a nightmare..."

It was silent for a moment as the couple heard the noises of the wilderness around their home. Mona Lisa soon joined Raph on the porch step and sat down next to him, "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly.

Raph said nothing.

"Raphael, whatever you dreamed about it seemed to have really gotten to you," Mona says, placing her hand on his shoulder, "Maybe if you tell me about your dream you'll feel better."

For a moment Raphael stayed quiet, debating on whether or not he should tell Mona about what's been troubling him all night. He doesn't want to always throw his trauma and fears onto her, but Mona is always willing to listen and help him through it. That just shows how much she cares about him. Even after all these years she's still there to listen and help him.

Raph takes a long deep breath before saying quietly in a broken tone of voice, "I dreamed about that night..."

"What night?" Mona asked, "What happened in your dream?"

"I was up on the roof of the Channel Six building with my father..." Raph explains, "W-We were fighting The Super Shredder. Everything was fine, until..." Tears began to flow down Raphael's face, "Then I saw... I saw..." he begins to cry as he covers his face with his palms, trying to wipe away the tears, "Oh god... Splinter! I'm so sorry..." he cries softly.

"Oh... That night..." Mona said sadly.

Mona has experienced a lot during her time in the Salamandrian military, going to war at a very young age and seeing many unforgettable things that scarred her, but she couldn't imagine the pain Raphael had gone through the night he fought The Super Shredder and lost his father. Going into a fight and not knowing that you are about to lose your own father to your greatest enemy. Not just that, but watching it happen right in front of your eyes and feeling that you are to blame. She can understand why Raphael has held in this pain for so long.

As he continues to cry, Mona carefully pulls Raph into her arms to comfort him.

"I keep dreaming of that night. I-I couldn't save him..." Raph said as he cried in her arms, "Shredder killed him right in front of me and I did nothing! If I had just... he would still be here!"

"Raphael, it was just a nightmare," Mona says as she caresses him, "That event happened years ago when you were still a teenager. I know it traumatized you, seeing that happen, but you can't keep letting the past torture you like this. You're stronger than that."

"But it keeps happening! I keep thinking that it was my fault. I could have saved him, but I was too weak! I should've done something, but I didn't!" The pain from the memory made more tears flow down Raph's face. "It's my fault he's gone..."

"Raphael..." Mona said softly. She places her hands on Raph's cheek, lifting his head up for their eyes to meet. His eyes were red and full of his sorrowful tears. She gently wipes away his tears as she tells him, "Don't cry. I hate to see you upset."

"That dream... It felt so real..." He sighed, "I just wish I could've-"

"You did everything you could to protect him," Mona says as she holds Raph's hands, "It was never your fault. It was Shredder's. Don't let these dreams get to you. If you continue to let the past haunt you then Shredder forever wins," she wipes away more of his tears, "Even though he's not here anymore, Splinter is still in your heart. Your father loved you and he knows you did your best. He would be heartbroken to know that you are blaming yourself."

Raphael stays silent, processing his wife's words into his mind. She was right. If Raph continues to be hurt by the past, Shredder still wins. Even though he finally met his fate years ago, Raph can't let that disgrace of a man ruin his life even after death.

As for his father, like Mona Lisa said, Splinter still lives on in his heart. His father would be heartbroken to see his son sad, but still, it hurts Raphael to know that because of Shredder, Splinter never got to see him or his brothers go on with their lives. Splinter never got to see Raphael's wedding, to meet his grandchildren, or to even meet Mona Lisa. To meet the woman that made his son a better man. Perhaps that is why he continues to have those nightmares. It is a constant reminder that Raph would never get to show his father of the wonderful life his son now has.

Raphael takes a deep breath. Slowly a gentle smile appears on his face, "You're right. Thanks Mona."

"Are you ready to go back to bed?"

He nods.

Mona gets up from the back porch's steps and stands up. She offers Raph her hand, helps him up from where he sat, and she takes him back inside the house. The couple head back upstairs to their bedroom, quietly as to not wake up their children, or Chompy, who are all still fast asleep. Raphael was thankful his sorrowful outburst didn't wake them like he and Mona feared would happen. They return to their bedroom and get back into bed. As Mona takes off her robe and gets back under the covers, she notices Raphael was still acting strange. His posture was off and his eyes were still full of sorrow and now also worry.

"Raphael?" Mona says as she sits up from the bed, "What's wrong?"

"...I'm scared that if I go back to sleep..." Raph says as he clenches onto the blankets, "The nightmare will happen again..."

Mona looked at him, seeing eyes filled with worry and fear. She carefully pulls Raphael towards her for another loving embrace, letting his head rest on her chest. Raph holds Mona as she gently rubs his head. Softly she tells him, "It's okay. If the dream happens again, I'll be here," She kisses his forehead and whispers, "I'll always be here..."

Raph smiled at Mona as he finally began to calm down. The softness of her hands, the warmth of her body, and her soothing voice help him finally feel relaxed. With Mona he felt safe and secure. Mona lay back down on the bed as Raph stayed resting on her chest, embracing her, and hearing the gentle pattern of her heart beating. Feeling safe in her arms, Raphael drifts back to sleep with a soft smile resting on his lips. For the rest of the night the red turtle sleeps peacefully in the arms of his beloved wife, never again letting the past haunt him. Raphael was at peace.