Hey guys

So...lately I've been feeling kind of...well I don't know how to explain it.

I guess I feel...broken, empty, like there's a hole inside me that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I haven't felt like this in a while and it don't know why it's starting again.

I can talk to my mom or anyone else about this they won't understand, they didn't back then and they won't now, they never do.

I keep thinking that the anger that I constantly felt back then was better than the aching emptiness I feel now.

It's like I don't feel a thing, I don't really laugh anymore, I can't cry no matter how much I want to, when I think about them it's like someones wrenching out my heart with their bare hands and every where I look I see them.

I've started talking to him again, it's weird how after so long of him not being there, it took one stupid sentence to have everything I built, every barrier every wall come crumbling down around me.

I really don't think I can go on much longer.

I hate it.

The pain.

The guilt.

The anger.

And it won't go away, I suppose it never really did, and now that he's back it probably won't.

I can't let my brother know how fucked up I am right now.

He'll be disappointed, I hate it when he's disappointed in me.

The way his dark blue eyes seem to be accusing me, the silent cold stares, the muttered answers the disapproving way he'd look at me when he sees me.

I hate it.

It makes me want to disappear.

Although I guess I should be used to it by now after all that's how every one looks at me.

I'm constantly fighting with my mom, in her eyes I can't do anything right.

My dad barely looks at me, let alone talks.

My brother flat out ignores me, he won't allow me anywhere near him.

The people I thought where my friends don't even bother talking to me, not at school or when I'm texting them.

I wonder why I'm even still here they obviously don't want me around so why am I still here?

The only one who ever talks to me is him and I'd anyone found out about him they'd probably call me crazy and lock me up with all the fucking phycos and sociopaths.

But I guess even that would be better than staying somewhere I'm not wanted.

I wonder if they'll even miss me.

He needs to come home, he's the only one who can help now.