I come here to sort out my depression, because I get made fun of or mocked or yelled out for my emotions any where else. I don't have a therapist so I go to friends for help. My friends are sick of my crap, they couldn't care.

I don't understand you and all your emotions
Idfc
Are you happy now
Just leave me alone
Ugh why are you so emotional

I get made fun of for crying and having feelings. I get pushed away or yelled at. I have no where else to go so I write here. Where only two people will see.

The only two people that could care. I never asked to be like this. Never wanted to be an emotional mess.  I never wanted to worry about every little thing. Everyone acts like I do this one purpose, that I worry because I want to, that I cry because I want to.

So here's my apology letter to all of those that I've been a burden to.

Dear ________,
I'm sorry I'm a mess
I'm sorry I wanted to fix everything
I'm sorry I cry every night
I'm sorry I worry about things
I'm sorry I look for attention
I'm sorry I'm different
I'm sorry my life's downhill
I'm sorry I was made this way
I'm sorry I bothered you
I'm sorry that I care
I'm sorry I lie
I'm sorry

I just want to help. Just want to make everyone smile. I throw myself out in front, I face other people's problems head on while I hide from my own. I make myself feel better by fighting other people's demons instead of facing my own. I'd take others pain and wear myself down so someone can smile. I just want to make people happy even if it hurts along the way.

Some may say I'm seeking attention, and maybe I am. But right now I'm seeking attention to get help. So I can feel happy tonight and not end up crying myself to sleep.

I need help..

I really do...

~Six