Dont even ask about this. Lmfao pls laugh at my suffering.

The heat surged through the air, as the sun kept shining. I went grabbed my favourite candy bar, Crunchie. With my treat in hand, I went to the door, my mom following close behind.

"I'll lock the door for you," she said as usual.

I went down the stairs casually, unaware of the events that were to take place soon.

It was a bummer that most of the children there were much younger than me. Oh well, at least I had my trusty ol' pal, Nancy . Although she just a slight bit more than half my age, she understood things better than the rest. I wouldn't say she was smarter, just more logicall. Our mothers were friends, and I guess we got along pretty well too.

I munched away at my chocolate bar, and it didn't take long for the other kids to notice. It bewildered me how desperate they were for food. They all began running up to me, soon I was surrounded by an ocean of pesky, annoying, hungry, children.

"What's that?"

"Can I have some?"

"Gimme a piece!"

"Let me have some!"

All of them were yelling at once , it sounded like an orchestra of dying ostriches. And clearly, the word please wasn't in their vocabulary. There were about 5 of them.

"No, go away! I'll eat it myself!"

I shouted. God, I know I'm skinny as a damn needle but I can finish this myself, even if I couldn't , I still wouldn't share with these annoying sewer creatures.

Then it happened.

You know the scene from mean girls, where she imagines the kids as wild animals? Yep, thats it. I felt exactly like that. They grabbed at me and chased me down like I was a gopher, dashing for the hole, and they were the mighty eagle.

Somehow I managed to get inside the apartment building by unlocking the first door, which was made of glass. They weren't far behind though. They all grabbed the handle from the outside and began to pry the door open. It was poor Nancy and I against them.

Since they followed me so diligently they managed to get a hold of the handle before I could pull the door closed, which would then lock it. Mind you, I was still holding my chocolate bar. Nancy and I tugged and tugged but we were outnumbered and no match for them.

They'd managed to yank the door out of my hands and flood in like a tsunami.

The oldest one, Luke stepped toward me and grabbed my arm.

"Give me some"

He demanded.

Who are you, to steal my food? I would only give my food up to God himself ! And you, are nothing but a slimy, scummy dickwad who doesnt need more food anyway! I mean come on, look at you.

So I fought, I fought like an old sunburnt uncle, trying to save his fries from the merciless, oncoming seagulls.

We struggled for a while until that moldy piece of lasagna grabbed the tip of the chocolate bar, the one I had just bitten! He cracked it off, and in attempt to get his disgusting, ass sweat smelling hands off my food I smacked his arm, causing the bit he took to fall on the floor.

Get this. He picked it up again, dispite it having been in my mouth, AND on the floor of an apartment lobby where probably hubdreds of people step,and he fucking popped it in his mouth.

If he didn't get some sort of stage 8 disease from that, he might as well become superman.

By this time, another one was already attacking me, trying to get his share. After what just happened, I was not losing any more of my precious food.

The kid, who's name sounds like an off brand Walmart discount cereal brand, began to grab at me and reach for my chocolate. Now I can't remember how, but I must have fended him off.

Now that the boys were gone, Nancy muttered .

"All that...just for chocolate..."

I agreed. And you might say I'm stupid for not just giving it to them, to avoid all the trouble. Well then, fuck you, you piece of crusty pepperoni.

Anyways, the two brats made their way towards us. Let's call them Mistake and Stella.

They were closer friends with Nancy but I guess I hung out with them sometimes. Despite the times they assisted that piece of licorice, Luke in beating me up. They talked for a while, and I ate more of my chocolate bar.

Soon enough, the little brat Stella grabbed my arm. The look in her eyes was indescribable but I can say, it made me uncomfortable, and want to laugh in her face at the same time. She was trying too hard to scare me.

"I fight with my brother a lot....I scratch like a cat...."

She spoke slowly, still gripping onto my arm. I dont know why I didnt pull away. I should have pulled away, just like her dad should've. But I felt numb , and I guess today I'm glad I didnt pull away, otherwise the following wouldn't have happened.

Hold on to your seat sweaty, this is where the god damn action starts.

"You know what? I'm going to scratch you until you bleed"

She finally said. I'm sure there was more too, but I dont really pay attention to bullshit.

I felt her nails at the top of my arm.

Oh hell no. I would've called an exorsist but I didnt have a phone back then. I was not about to let this petty, spoiled little preppy bitch scratch up MY arm.

I raised my leg slowly, I imagine I looked like a horse who stuck their leg out sideways to kick someone. But I probably looked like a pissing dog.

Then BAM I hit that bitch like puberty.

I'd only just then realized, she was standing at the top of a staircase to the basement.

Oh well, say bye bye bitch!

She rolled down ever so slowly like a useless chunk of hardened molasses.

In fact she even grabbed onto a stair,halfway down and looked up me with her filthy pest eyes. But then that bitch let go, just like rose from the titanic. What a fucking drama queen. Who are you, James Charles? Maybe Bella thorne.

Finally she hit the bottom, and I knew damn well she didnt hit her head. It was obvious since she rolled so slowly.

Oh but that little overdramatic hoe had to start crying, she weeped like she lost her husband at war. And her side bitch, Mistake began screaming at me, like the little spawn of Satan she is.

"YOU PUSHED HER DOWN THE STAIRS!!!"

Like, thanks sherlock! Case fucking closed!

I opened my mouth, about to give this blonde head looking brat, who was now about as red as menopause, a proper lesson on why she shouldn't be yelling at me. But suddenly I heard a familiar, terrifying voice.

"WHATS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

It was my sweet darling, sort of demonic mother.

She told them off so good, nanny mcphee would quake in her boots.

And you know how much troue I got in for all of this? Absolutely none.

Take that you food stealing, slimey anchovy tail!