Mostly negative rant

Themes:
Being closeted
Nonbinary stuff I guess??
Unnecessary stress
Good friends
Accidental misgendering
Requested misgendering (I'll try to explain later)
Mother mother (briefly mentioned

Warnings:
None

Rating:
Questionable? There is some swearing like usual and I know misgendering can fuck people up

Length;
Long

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So as some of my followers and friends might know already, as of recently I've figured out that I identify as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. (that's what you get from listening to mother mother) I also prefer the name Salem over my current name (which I prefer not to say) because my current name is very feminine and it just feels a bit strange. I don't really dislike it but Salem feels way better.

I'm out to some of my closer friends but not to my parents, less close friends, and any important figure that may need to know my preferred name and pronouns.
Originally I planned on not coming out to any person that primarily speaks my country's language at all including my parents because there really isn't anything that fully compares to my pronouns. However that decision changed a bit ago.
My mom briefly mentioned that my dad wanted to get my name tattooed on his arm and thus came the first time I had to talk them out of some stupid shit that they'd do without accidentally outing myself.

From that point on there's been too many ridiculous scenarios for me to count where I had to refuse something or try to explain something without coming out (for example a few weeks ago I think my mom wanted to buy me a shirt that said 'the force is female'. Of course I absolutely did not want it and had to talk her out of it before she bought it and would expect me to wear it.)

Well this rant came to me when I was eating breakfast this morning. We were having pancakes and were actually eating at the table because a friend of mine was staying with us during the weekend (important note, I am out to him, he was the first person I told even although I was pretty nervous because of the horrible reputation that some people like him have.(it's nothing against him just really sucky in general))
So of course my mom (again) decided that the beat course of action would be to explain to him the meaning of the name I don't want to use which obviously wasn't very nice.
I just kinda looked at him like 'yea..' although I'm not sure if he understood.
I don't know if he understood simply because of the fact that I think I told him that I'm not out to my parents yet and I don't want them to know.

Well to finish that, day's disaster of my mom, who is amazing at accidentally misgendering me, also called me a' pancake girl' or something, I don't remember.
(btw I did correct them by saying 'pancake person' to which my dad said 'that's good too' which made me very happy (I chose to go for an approach of sneakily correcting them on stuff like that, although I am planning to write a letter, print it when they're both not home, and leave it one day before school)

Well I think y'all get the picture of how much I not really enjoy being closeted. And that leads us to the final part of my rant.

I know for sure that they'll accept me.

How do I know that. Well another friend of mine (not the one from before, I'll just call him Dude for the sake of not confusing stuff) came out to them before me, as nonbinary (well before realizing that he was actually a dude, it was like a middle step I guess). And my parents fully accepted it although they were a bit confused.
And still with that info I keep being afraid, mainly because I feel like it's just a phase and that I'll grow out of it (which is exactly what I thought when I first began to think I was a lesbian and here we are 2 years later still like women.). I don't want to reverse come out like "whoops I was wrong".

I don't know how long I can keep it a secret, it's becoming pretty difficult nowadays because I'm realizing every day how much it sucks being thought of as a girl.
Maybe I'll write it this evening and leave it on the table before I leave for school with a nice seal on it, I haven't done wax seals in a while. They'll know that I did something but I know they'll respect me if I tell them not to look until I'm at school. I have a long day anyways so whatever the result is at least I'll have until 4 to get ready for their response.