Okay, I need a good place to vent about my fears, I can't do it at home because my father is to busy, my mother doesn't care, and my sister's are too innocent and naive to understand. (Sounds harsh, but it's true.)

1. Claustrophobia
Okay, let me explain this one. I don't get "scared" of cramped spaces in every single instance. Like, if I'm in a really small space by myself, or even with one person, that's fine, I can handle it! If I'm in a big group of people, but I still got my breathing room, that's also fine!

However, when I'm in a small space with a lot of people, hen my Claustrophobia kicks in.

I call them "space attacks", it's sort of like a panic attack I guess, but for my Claustrophobia.

Signs prior to a panic attack:
- looking around frantically
- taking huge breaths
- slowing of movements

And then when the space attack finally happens:
I get shaky, my palms get sweaty, I feel like someone physically cut off my air supply, and it feels hard to breath. I then move as fast as humanly possible away from the mob and the cramped space, and go take a few big breaths.

Space attacks only last a maximum of ten seconds, and I haven't been in a situation where I was unable to get out of the mob and small space, but I am not excited for when that day comes.

2. Anxiety
This one is also not always active. It'll just flash up when I least expect it. Like, last night, I was signing up for another role-play. I submitted my form for my OC, and I forgot the face claim part.

So, naturally, the admin commented */okay, what's her face claim?

And I was like: *well, Zendaya would be the most accurate I guess, she's pretty much the only face claim I use, if I use one.

And then I realized something......... Not a lot of people choose Zendaya as their face claim.

And then came the stress. I was so ridiculously nervous about what the admin would think, like if she was even a proper face claim.

Thankfully, I had no reason to worry, ten minutes later she commented back *okay, accepted!

😅

3. What lurks in the dark
Okay, a lot of people have a hard time understanding this one.

I'm not afraid of the dark, the dark is calm and comforting. I'm afraid of what's in the dark.

Everyone understand? Yes, no, maybe so? Okay, good.

A typical scenario would be something like this:

I hop in my bed, turn the lights out, and wait to go to sleep. Then I hear footsteps. The logical side of my brain is saying, "Stop being ridiculous, it's your parents, for crying out loud!" The other side of me is saying, "W-well yeah, but, what if there are other things that are walking around in the dark?"

Definitely not fun when I'm at camp.

4. Being ignored/forgotten

This one is another one a lot of people don't understand. I'm not selfish (all the time, sometimes I do get a little selfish, I am a human) or self-absorbed.

At my house, I don't really get noticed or get to say much, so school (or right now, Marching Band Camp), isn't only outlet. And then people don't understand why I want to talk all the time and stuff, argh, this doesn't make sense, I'll just quote my Nana:

"Everyone needs some attention, especially teenagers, because they're growing and learning, and instead of being left to fend for themselves, they really do need some extra attention."

And that's my situation, I'm left to fend for myself. So when I try and make new friends and I start getting into a conversation, I'll say something and then people will give me a look and...... Walk away.

And all I can think of is "no! Come back! What did I do wrong?" 

And......yeah.😣

Thanks for reading! And be prepared for at least two more good rants, they're long overdue! 😅
~Soka