YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND

HOW COULD YOU??

WHAT I GO THROUGH IS SOMETHING YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND

"You're not gonna have a panic attack over watching a third episode"

FUCK DS9

HOW IN THE HELL WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND

IT'S NOT THE DAMN SHOW I'M PANICKING ABOUT

IT'S...IT'S...it's....

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW

I NEVER HAD PANIC ATTACKS UNTIL JUST THIS PAST MONTH

AND NOW THIS IS MY FOURTH

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND

YOU CAN'T

BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS SOLVED ALL HAPPY DANDY BY FUCKING YELLING AT ME

ANGER ISN'T EVERYTHING

YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION

YOU THINK I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE GIRL WHO BREAKS DOWN??

MAYBE I JUST NEED CARE

AND LOVE

AND NOT "I love you, Becca" LOVE

LOVE THAT SHOWS SYMPATHY, OR AT LEAST EMPATHY

BUT YOU CAN'T

STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME AND STOP THINKING I'M MAKING A GODDAMN SHOW OUT OF THESE PANIC ATTACKS

YOU THINK I WANT THESE HELLISH MOMENTS OF FEELING LIKE I'M DYING

OF WANTING TO BE DEAD

CUZ I CAN ASSURE YOU RIGHT NOW THAT I WANT TO BE DEAD

GONE

FREE FROM THIS HELL OF A WORLD

...

And while I'm writing all this, I'm sitting outside on the asphalt in the fading light of the sun, watching as the ground around me grows darker in this weird back area place, seriously contemplating whether I even WANT to come back right now.

The light's nearly gone, just like my will to live.

I still can't kill myself due to my cowardice, but never in my life have I wanted to SO BADLY

...

People are starting to come out of the nearby houses

Will they care?

...

...

No.

They do their thing and return home.

I'm in plain sight, my phone is really bright.

Yet they walk off back to the comforts of their home while a teenage girl is contemplating her life

I can't blame them

It'd be awkward....

...

...

...

I should head back now.

The sun's already past the horizon and the sky is close to becoming as dark as the ground I sit on.

Are you even worried about me right now?

...

I'm having a hard time even seeing this screen anymore through the tears

I should head back

I escaped for a little while

And I'm going to miss this little slice of something close to peace

But....

...

I just want to die