...Why am I feeling such...anger towards humanity?

Well, I suppose they have done me wrong numerous times....

But...I still find some way to forgive them for their wrongs....

...

Why must I be hurt when I only try to help others?

Why must I be denied any kindness in return?

And...I don't mean the kindness from my friends....  I still sometimes wonder why they even decided to be my friends....  I definitely don't have the nicest past....

People say to not let the past define you, yet...it haunts me.

When I feel I should be mean in return, I'm reminded of my horribleness.

I stay silent and take the insults, pretending I don't care.

And then, when I'm alone, I think over the insults...and agree with them.

I mean, today, I had been checked out for a doctor's appointment.

I got back, had a decent 5th period, spent lunch practicing my music with one of my friends (I had had lunch out with my dad before coming back to school), and then started heading for my 6th period class...Pre-Calc/Trig.

It's, by far, my favorite class this year.

However, on my way to the class, this...black boy who I've had problems with in 8th grade was behind me.

I tried to ignore him, but on the 3rd floor, he LITERALLY pushed me across the hall.

....

That...That's the first time in my life that I've been physically bullied.

I just....

I cal led back to him to ask what his problem was...but he was already gone.

And what did people do in the hallway around me?

THEY LAUGHED.

THEY GAWKED.

They just WATCHED.

This has only ever happened once now, but...I feel the pain now.

Now I truly see how much people just don't care.

It hurts.

Any faith I had left for humanity is gone.

It wasn't much to begin with...but it was something....

Are they even worth it anymore?

Is humanity worth the l ittle happiness that I have left?

...No.

They...They aren't.

For 5 years, I've tried to be kind to those around me.

And al l I got in return was mass amounts of  hatred and very little kindness.

I...what...?

What is this horrible feeling...?

No...this...good feeling....

This only feeling....

My true feeling towards humanity now....

ANGER

No....

I cAn'T....

lEt Me LoVe....

ThE wOrLd NeEdS lOvE....

THEN LET THEM GET IT ELSEWHERE

WHY SHOULD THEY GET YOUR LOVE IF ALL THEY DO IS DESTROY IT AND THROW IT BACK LIKE A GRENADE

YOUR LOVE BLOWS BACK UP INTO PAIN FOR YOU

WHY TRY WHEN NONE BUT THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU ARE KIND

THE WORLD DOESN'T DESERVE YOU

AND I WILL MAKE YOU SEE THAT

YOU ARE A PRECIOUS GEM THAT I CANNOT ALLOW TO BE DESTROYED ANY FURTHER

I MUST PROTECT YOU

BuT...aNgEr...Is A pAiNfUl BaRrIeR....

TO ALL WHO TRY TO BREACH IT

INCLUDING YOU

STAY BACK AND LET ME HANDLE THEM

THEY'LL SEE THAT THEY SHOULDN'T MESS WITH YOU

UNFORTUNATELY FOR THEM, THEY GET IT THE HARD WAY WHEN THEY COULD'VE JUST ACCEPTED YOUR KINDNESS

IF YOU INTERFERE, I WILL HURT YOU

YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT IS FOR YOU TO HURT YOURSELF, AND I DON'T MEAN PHYSICALLY

PlEaSe....

WHY SHOULD PEOPLE LIKE THAT BLACK BOY EVER GET YOUR KINDNESS

IT'S WORTHLESS TO THEM

...WITHOUT ME, YOU'RE WORTHLESS

HELPLESS

HOPELESS

YOU NEED ME

WHETHER YOU THINK SO OR NOT

I'M THE ONLY BARRIER THAT IS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU

WHEN YOU WERE GETTING MADE FUN OF IN CHOIR, DID YOUR PRECIOUS FRIEND HELP YOU

...

SHE DIDN'T

SHE STOOD THERE AND WATCHED

JAGUAR IS CLUELESS AS TO HOW MAULED UP YOU ARE MENTALLY

DEANA MAY TRY HER BEST TO KEEP IN TOUCH, BUT YOU TWO DRIFT FURTHER EVERY DAY

THAT BOY THAT YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT

HE'S GETTING PAST YOUR WALLS

AND THEN HE'LL TEAR YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT

DEAR LORD THAT SOUNDS WRONG

PLEASE DON'T ANYONE TAKE THAT THE WRONG WAY

BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT

THOSE PEOPLE IN DRAMA CLUB

ARE JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO MESS UP SO THEY CAN TEAR YOU DOWN

WITH ME, NO ONE CAN HURT YOU EVER AGAIN

...BuT nO oNe CoUlD eVeR lOvE mE aGaIn....

A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR PROTECTION OF YOUR HAPPINESS

I'M IN CONTROL NOW

YOU BOTTLED ME UP TO SHELTER THE WORLD FROM ME

NOW THEY CAN SEE THE FULL WRATH OF REBECCA WISE THROUGH ME

ANGER