I can't effing take ANYTHING anymore

I don't effing understand why Dad thinks taking my Minecraft away indefinitely will help

Ok, I understand, but I don't understand

Like, yeah, it's supposed to "stop spreading me so thin," but, like, wtf?

No?

Like, eff you, Dad?

NGJRIDKVUBMO ESJIDUK.VF;PGKOFVDGK.G

I JUST CAN'T

He literally thought I was threatening to kill myself if he didn't let me on Minecraft

Like

wtf

no

That's not----

Well, not like you'd effing understand, DAD

I have literally wanted to die more in the past month than in my entire LIFE

And I've wished death quite a few times before

Something's wrong with me

And I can't figure out what

and it's nearly to the point of literally KILLING me

If anyone can remember that far back, remember my three voices, Rebekitah, Turmoil, and Anger?

Yeah, Turmoil is now just full on Depression

Like

I don't even know

Nothing is fun anymore

I barely had any fun with my mentor yesterday (I've got a mentor now, btw x3  According to my therapist, she's literally a grown-up version of me xP)

I mean, I had fun, but it was difficult

WTF

FUN should not be difficult for ME

Like

Dude

I'm BECCA

FUN is like my...I dunno, my life essence or something

Death should NOT be on the forefront of my mind 80% of the time

Yet it is

Dad's too damn logical to understand

I barely know my mentor

My therapist has other kids besides me

My siblings are too young

Y'all are anywhere from 500 miles to fricking OVER 9000 miles away

hehe joke

I know, sorry, I've had WAY too many depressing chapters

I haven't been updating

Nothing is really fun anymore

I keep making y'all upset cuz you guys are too far away to really do much

I keep making myself upset at the thought of making you all upset

It's all just an upset vicious circle