*clears throat*
90% of the content is real while the rest 10 is exaggerated because.... just because.... I wanted to!

Interviews *shudders*
How many of you have ever been through a job interview? How many interviews? How was your experience?

Last year (second year of college) a big MNC came to our college to select people as interns so that during final year of college they needn't recruit people again cos they already made investments on a handful  (more like fingerful) students.

For us only 4 companies had come so far and I sat for all of them and this is a peek of how everything went. It's always the usual stuffs to be honest.
I'm mixing up even what my friends went through during the interview phase.

~~~~

*opens whatsapp*
Moderator - Gals, Nuksan company is coming to our college on sabse kharab din. All the interested girls please give me your names after you read the attachments in the common mail ID.

Whole class (the ones sitting for placement) proceeds to give names while whatsapping
Each other  if they are sitting or not and if they are going to prepare and come etc...

The days roll around and the evil day finally comes soon.

The whole night I don't get a wink of sleep and I literally stand near the window and watch the sun come up. I don't eat, I don't drink a drop of water, I don't talk. I just freshen up and leave half an hour before the alloted time.

~In the venue~

Teacher proceeds to give instructions and asks us to behave like mature adults.
They wish us luck and walk and way after calling out the department names and the number of people sitting then allot us our lab numbers for the aptitude exam.

Some dudes in fancy smancy suits walks in followed by fabulous and insanely gorgeous wemen.

They give us some orientation, videos, ppt and buttery speeches.

Fancy suit guy - I know you must have some fear so for assurance and tips we have a few of your seniors who would walk you all in about how our company is and give a gist of their working life.

Our alumni (at times we doubt it lol) pass on the mike and talk about how fabulous it is working for the company.

I remember this time where a girl walked in and the temperature in the audi dropped down by a million degrees.

She wore a giraffe size pencil heels, booty skirt (if there can be booty shorts then ehy not booty skirt?) Which would have put Kim Kardashian's butt to shame, transparent white blouse but thank god all the buttons were closed.

Suspicious looking Alumni - *squeals*
Hiiiiiiiii guysssss GOOOOOD MORNING!
*chirps*
*wobbles on her feet*
Omg I'm almost in tears right now because a few years ago I was like one of you, sitting as an audience with a blank future but look at me now. I'm so happy here, trust me it's a wonderful company, trust me you will enjoy it there, trust me that you won't regret joining us, trust me we have an awesome work culture, trust me we are awesome people, trust me it's not just work but we also have fun. Yipidie dapidie doo..."

Pssst an hour has gone so send these kids for the aptitude test.

We all scurry down and wish each other luck before we proceed to the battle field.

The hand us out a sheet with a 1000 word long website and a huge alphabet and numerical mixed ID and password.

I tell you what... Most of the times (every time I sat for the aptitude) my computer froze and one didn't even work so I had to keep jumping from computer to computer and if it was needed then to the oher lab and I had to re - log in so many times.

It's a big pain in the arse and my heart literally comes out of my chest because so much time is lost and I'm scared of being the last one to sit in the room while everyone leaves.

The aptitude tests are so fucking hard. The time limit will light your arse that would put a rocket to shame. You can't use calculator or mobile phones and so you do the calculations on a sheet of paper like a maniac. When I see the time limit ticking by I randomly click the options.

The last option I chose was A so this will be B or wait nah I didn't choose D at all so this one must be D

You have exceeded the time limit for this section so only the questions for which you have answered will be recorded. Click on for the next one.

Clicks ok with a heavy heart

Instructions- blah blah blah WHAT THE FUCK? 25 QUESTION WITHIN 300 SECONDS

*smacks head on the computer*
*raises head to see that my forehead somehow clicked the ok button and I already lost 8 seconds of the test*

Oh the joy ! Ah shit 15 seconds are down so I should stop brooding.

*After the Aptitude test*

Results are out *gasps echoes around the room followed by a few whispers, murmurs grow louder, a few girls bite off their fingers, random people hug each other, a few of them chest bump each other, while a few people like me sit in a corner with their  hands hugging their legs, sweat dripping down our for heads, some people begin to become priests with the amount of chanting they made*

Fancy suit dude - Next round is GD (group discussion) people will be eliminated here also so all the best guys... sorry I mean girls
(If you have forgotten or don't know, I study in an all girls institution)

*voices are raised and we debate like there is no tomorrow. We gave a new meaning to the word group discussion lol*

Insanely gorgeous woman declares the people who made it to the next round

Ok  so out of the the four companies I sat for, two had technical round while the other two had different kind of rounds instead of a technical round. I'm going to mix the Personal interview and technical round as one.

~ Le Technical and personal Interview round~

'I' is for interviewer and 'M' is for me

I - Hello aqoauabaoquwbav
M - My name is Akanksha
I - oh sorry, here it was written as aowvwkzussbs
M - *internal eye roll* it's ok it happens *every fucking time*

I - so tell me more about yourself
M - *proceeds to rant about myself*
I -  any talents?
M - yes, hidden talents. I don't know my talents that's why it's hidden hahaha did you get it? Ahaha
I - blank face
M - * squirms in seat*

I - let's get down to business now shall we?
M - *Oh GOD I'm not ready* *nods head anyway*
I - tell us what do you know about our company.
M - *I never knew it existed until a few days ago, I'm just sitting here because you are the first one that came to our college ( Every company that came was from a different sector)
I tried to Google some information and did background research on your company but I didn't understand much about it and your orientation also didn't give out much information but let me try and answer it as honestly as I can*

Because it is we need bakras like you company. Who wouldn't like to join you guy's?
I - *has a creepy grin on the face and nods head like a maniac*

I - tell me the basic rules of accounting
M - bleh bleh bleh
I- do these three sums
M - Dafuq is this? Dafuq is that?
I - what's taking you so long *taps foot impatiently*
M - *squirms under the hard scrutinizing gaze*

I - what if you were in *asks a few case scenarios*
M - finally something easy *mentally props my left leg on top of the right one*
Bleh bleh bleh, bleh bleh bleh bleh so HABA HABA and viola
I -  *creepy grin then nods head*
*still nods his head*
I guess the spring on his neck has broken.

I -  calculate this person's income tax and find out the EPS then explain what's a cash flow statement.
M - we didn't learn the American tax system ma'am, we learnt only the Indian ones.
I - what's the tax rate of a carrot who resides In radish land for the past 10 years but goes to orange land for 190 days in a year, what would be his residential status then? Is he an ordinary resident or non ordinary?
M - Extra ordinary Carrot
I - *blank face*
*shakes head in disapproval*

I - if you get an option to get transferred to another city are you ready for it? Are you comfortable to work in night shifts?
M - Uhh I don't mind about the transfer but I'm not comfortable with the night shift
I - *shakes head* which company doesn't work at night? People should learn to adjust.

I - Do you want to study in the future?
M - Uhh yeah mostly yes.
I - sorry we need people would would stay with us and concentrate only on work and not their studies for at least 5 years...

Or

I - Do you wish to study in the future?
M - Not for a few years
I - sorry but we need someone who actually wants to go higher in life, if you don't want to study that means you want to just stop so that means you have no ambition.

To study or not to study is the million dollar question that has no solid answer.

I - ok it was nice meeting you, all the best.

Why wish me luck? Just give the job please.

Comes out of the room to see a crowd of people who are hyperventilating, walking down the corrido, gulping water, constantly peeing etc.

Le friend from other department - dude how did the interview go?Man, I fucked it up big time. Never mind we can always try again for the next company.
Me - you know, I saw Watermelon break down near the fountain because the interviewer told her she did amazeballs so she needn't wait for the result sheet because she got the job.

Le friend - woh that's nice what what.... WATERMELON GOT SELECTED?

Me - yeah your classmate wali watermelon only.

Le friend - I take back my words of trying again next time.  I mean how the fuck did she get selected? I mean dude look at me and look at her! If I don't get selected that means this company is shit that doesn't know the worth of the actual best people

Me - there there *internal crying while trying to calm down my peer*

Le friend - fuck them all. How dare they....

Le watermelon bouncing her way to us
"Guys I got selected"
Le friend - wow, congratulations bitch! I'm happy for you

Me*internal eye roll. Yeah right*

Watermelon - "Uhh your hug is choking me now"

During this phase, we all wear a big smile on our face while on the inside we are on a constant debate. If someone has no idea about a few topics that could be asked we help out each other.

Once a girl asked me a doubt relating to banking and I didn't know the answer so I asked her to wait while I go to the staff room and ask my ex - banking teacher.

I kid you not, my teacher stared and when I asked her the question, she just shrugged saying she doesn't know. I was like ma'am you got to the help us, our names will be called soon so the teacher pointed to the computer kept on the desk and asked me to Google the answer

*a minute of silence to digest this news*

One of my friend came inside the staffroom because I was taking to long and the other teacher in the staff room gasped when she saw my friend.

Then that teacher was like why sit for placement? Get married or something or run a family business etc etc.
My friend got royally pissed when the teacher asked her to settle down and compulsory pass on the wedding card without fail.

I have many experiences with weird teachers so I'll rant about it later. Not saying all teachers are bad, there are really good ones also who actually care about their students.

Things happen then we cry after see the result.
(Mine is obvious if you don't know lol)

Teacher - everyone get back to class, take out page number 987 and do sum number 120. The rest 20 sums are for homework.

Students - ma'am placement result came out!!!

Teacher - oh... that's nice , ok so do that sum in five minutes, I have some work now so I will come back and check your books.

Me-  *After my eyes are dried up*
* calls up a friend*
"Oi hamburger! I didn't get placed today...AGAIN!"

Hamburger  - awww that's sad.  Aww rejected again it's ok. Btw you know I saw Baji Rao Mastani bleh bleh bleh

Me- dude!you serious? I'm pouring out my feelings here and you are like awwie then rant about yourself!

Hamburger - Uhh so? You wanted to cry more eh? I thought you stopped crying android wanted to know about my day that's why I started talking...

Me - whenever you were down I aways prepped you so for once I actually need some motivational speech so can you listen to me and help me out ?

Hamburger - but I wanted to talk to you about the gown I bought!

Me - every single time it has always been about yourself so please just let let it be about me today.

Hamburger - yourself? Why you being selfish? Don't place yourself in the center. Geez why you hello?

I don't know why or how I had considered that female as my friend. Whenever someone asks me how many friends I have I say none. I'm serious, whenever these people needed me I always made them feel better but when it came to me I was being ignored like terms and conditions

I'm not saying that am a brutual person now, if someone needs me I would  still be there but tell that I can't offer them friendship, I can only offer acquaintanceship.

I still had  hope and called a few more people but they didn't pick up, didn't call up, said they were busy and never spoke again till they wanted something from after a few days.

Safe to say I blocked these people from my system, I'm giving them a treat of their own medicine in different ways.

People say I have changed because I don't hang out with them much, I don't call the much nor do I make them laugh or vac always dirty joke.

Well I like the changed me better than the old stupid me who wanted to be a people's pleaser.

Anyway, all the best for any kind of future interviews you guys face :)

It would be awkward, weird,tough, hillarious, you learn a thing or two, you face situations that gives you a heads up for the future. Everyone out there outside the room would be calming each other with different mantras, all strangers get together for juicy gossip and share food and knowledge. Jokes will be cracked even though your brain is know crack :p

You might even develop a crush on one of the guys from the company :p hehehe

Have a happy weekend POTATOATERS *raises a potato in the air*

Shit this would have been my longest rant so far :o I guess I really am frustrated lol