Ok so basically I love to write and draw and stuff right! I'm not that good at either like I'm decent but not amazing, but I practice and try to get better! Problem is my bff, like is amazing at both and it makes me sad cuz from what ik and it's a lot she doesn't practice either! She just does it and it turns out amazing! And it might have smth to do with the fact that I have my period, so I'm really emotional, but I almost cried today. 

Basically, we have this writing contest at my school called Patriot Pen, and you write an essay right and then you submit it, blah blah blah, and there's like winners and stuff. So me I spent a lot of time on this essay like I actually kinda tried,  and my bff literally pulled it together like the day before, (I spent like 3-5 days on it + research 😭) and she got called down to the office today, and turns out she won 200 dollars because she got 3rd place in our school! FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW! And I was trying so hard to be supportive, but I felt like crying. Like, sure it  wasn't the style I like to write in, but I didn't think it was that bad. And I'd finally got over it, until she got called for a photo with the other winners, and, I didn't want to be left alone, so I went with her, until  this teacher who I hate was like why tf r u here? Like you didn't win? Who are you? And I was thinking like wtf and I almost cried so I just went to the bathroom, while she took the photo cuz it hurt my feelings and I just kept trying to play it off, and my bff was so confused like why are you upset cuz it was almost winter break like an hour left of school. And I didn't want her to feel bad so I just said I didn't feel well. 

But, like she also has art in a museum and stuff like just super artistically gifted, and it like every time she does something artsy i just feel like I suck. And it's not even her fault, I'm just super insecure about my stuff like that. And it's just been really bugging me and idk why cuz I feel like I should just be happy for her. And I feel so horrible, for being jealous of her. Like none of my other friends care, but like as someone who really likes to write, and being told to get out cuz you basically suck and didn't win really hurts. 

It just hurt me, and idk it just sucked, and it was like it just kept coming up throughout the rest of the day and ik my friend kept trying to like not bring it up cuz I think she could tell I was upset, but I was trying really hard to just not cry which sounds so stupid, but I put SO MUCH EFFORT, into the essay and it didn't get anything. Also like, this always happen, all I have is that I'm smart, and I'm smartest in LA but apparently I can't write a fucking essay right! I'm like crying so hard rn and it's so stupid and I hate myself so much rn. 

So yeah, thanks for reading that if you did. And on another note I'm on winter break. ....yay.....  🥹🥺😢😭😭 

So... love you guys so much....

Sorry you had to read this ik I sound like a horrible person but I swear I'm not normally like this! Idk why it just hit me hard for some reason.