In my head I stumble as my mother smiles at me. Normally I would notice a thousand things subconsciously and feel the emotion before she'd even finished the motion, but after what Suki had done... with my anger and empathy missing and my darkest desires removed... I was feeling off balance, having difficulty understanding why those around me were doing what they were doing, and I was constantly tired.

I hadn't slept well in days, the last time being the night Rae had told me her story. I smiled as I remembered that, the motion apparently being the one that my mother wanted. She finally let me get back to my thoughts as I say in my bed. I had been falling asleep later and later at night, and waking up earlier and earlier in the mornings. Last night I couldn't fall asleep till after twelve, and I had woken up at just past five.

Whatever Suki had done was giving me more energy than I could handle, but leaving me less able to use it than ever before. I had managed to weave a spell to heal Mahinas scrapped knee two days ago. It may have been inside my mind, where magic and imagination tend to mix a little too well, but I had never been able to do something that used so much magic before. I was both ecstatic, and too exhausted to think about what that meant.

I was worried about Ares and Em'paath were; A'paath was depressed and confused, his whole being wracked with both guilt and a confused sorrow. I sighed, knowing I had all of the night to think. With shade dashing off to the lake every night to  heck his letter, he'd grown used to moving again. He was still exhausted, but he could deal with it now. I, on the other hand, had grown increasingly tired; my sleeping having been thrown way off wack. I was having trouble falling asleep and wound up doing so later and later at night.

Last night I had been up till past twelve; and I had woken up almost an hour before my parents. I was getting five hours of sleep at most each night, and I was still trying to keep my cheerful demeanor. It was a nightmare that I chose to pretend was a daydream, and I hated every moment of the pretend. I rolled over in my bed, wishing for the privacy of my own room, almost wincing as I recalled how long I'd have to wait to have such privacy again. I could hear my brothers breathing in the background, the sound a reminder I was awake and a pain I was long since used too.

I thought back to my math class, and I pondered what I had experienced. Hesitantly, I started doing math in my head, imagining the equations. (11x25)^2x47=

I had barely even started before I felt myself get completely drained. Exhaustion got, along with a lethargic energy that refused the blanket of sleep. I grimaced and pushed myself up, scooting back till I was against the wall. I picked up rose and held her as I tucked my knees to my chest. Why was this happening to me? Why did I have so many problems to deal with when I had so little time to deal with them?

Mentally I berated myself. I shouldn't think that way. I'm not depressed, I don't have anxiety, and I'm not suicidal. Or... I refuse to act on my occasional impulses. I'm too strong for that. Everyone else though... Comunity before self, friends and family above all others. I know my morals, I know my beliefs. I chose them, ow I have to stick by them. I tucked rose's head under my chin, the white stuffed puppy reminding me of Cassia. It had once smelled like her, and I had breathed in that scent every night, but she had faded and know all I smelled was myself.

I shook my head at how stupidly animalistic they thought sounded, before I realized that I could see the room. Everything was some shade of gray, an effect I knew well. My breathing slowed, my body calming as fear overtook me. I knew what was happening, I knew who was doing it. She'd be here soon. I was so grateful for my bodies habitual physical calming when I felt fear, it made the stuff easier to ignore. If /she/ was going to be here soon, I had too act fast. I got off the bed, shivering as the cold air moved across my bare chest, almost as cold as the metal key and chain I always wore. I hated my nighttime habits, especially since I had to share my room, but I had to indulge my brain. I slept poorly enough as it was.

It was too late to get a shirt, I wouldn't be able to touch the cloth in this mental world, so I simply walked out into and then down the hall. The door was solid, untouchable, but the knob was metal. In this mental world, metal flowed like a beacon; it shone with power and I was reminded of the reason why that was. I smiled as I recalled the book series, pulling open the door and stepping out into the frigid outside air as the door closed behind me. I whined slightly as I felt the cold, my body shivering and goosebumps appearing immediately. I shivered, clutching myself around the middle. Then the wind blew. I writhed in the cold, but I sighed as the wind danced across my skin. I loved the wind, and I normally would be all too willing to freeze as it caressed my skin, but I had to protect my family.

Teeth chattering, arms rubbing up and down against each other in a futile bid for warmth, I crossed the street; my feet, hypersensitive in the cold, felt every piece of gravel I stepped on and sent sharp jolts of pain up my legs every time. Finally, I stood in the grass, the frost biting my feet and my body shivering. I knew she was coming, but I didn't know why she hadn't shown up. She should've reached me by now if she had already cast the spell. Unless... my eyes attempted to widen in horror as I understood the implications of what she'd done, but my body was already shutting down. I forced a warning through my mind as her spell and the cold worked together to send me to sleep, a glowing, pale blue figure stepping out of me and almost flying down the road in his bid to escape.

I grinned sleepily, knowing shadow could help, before I collapsed into the warm bed of frost beneath me. The last thing I saw was Suki's bare feet crunching through the frost before my eyes shut and peaceful sleep took over, banishing my fears and sending me into a blessed void of nothingness.

_______linebreak. Why not? :3___________

I stared at the boy, biting how small and fragile he looked in sleep, then a formed a chain out of my magic. It attached itself to the inside of his chest, wrapping around his heart and forcing his body to obey me. Even in sleep, he stood and began to follow me. I would return Em as soon as we weren't out in the winter air, I couldn't harm him in any way. The world shifted and bent around us, the world dropping away beneath my feet before sending me into a terrifying, exhilarating drop into a suddenly warm- no, hot- temperature as the air filled with the smell of smoke, Ash, and sulfur mixed with ozone and the distinct twang of pain. So much that even a human would notice it.

I landed in front of a large manor house, Victorian styled, colored all blacks, deep violets, and bloody reds. I stepped inside, Shade and Em at my heels, the door slamming shut behind us. I smiled, breathing in the scent of ozone, suffering, and a faint amount of vanilla, the other smells trapped outside. It was good to be home. I turned yo the boys in front of me, probably the first ones who visited without being immediately treated to some very active hospitality. I grinned, knowing just how soon Shade would get his due. And how close my child was. "Soon, dearie~ I hope you suffer~." Then I began the process of forcing Em back into Shades head.

This was going to be a /loooong/ night.