fail·ure

ˈfālyər/

noun

1. lack of success.

"an economic policy that is doomed to failure"

2. the omission of expected or required action.

"their failure to comply with the basic rules"

Most people this of failure as not winning a game, or failing on a test, or failing their parents expectations, or not making a deadline and so forth.

By the definition of failure that is failing. Many things can be classified as failure, of course, we all have different ideas of failure..

But with those you always have a another opportunity to succeed the next time.

If you fail a test, yes that is bad but you have a chance to fix it the next test and studying. You can strive harder, learn what you failed at and make it better, it isn't a failure where you can't turn back. You can, you just got to try.

If you fail your parents expectations you can always make it up to them. You can meet it, yes it will take lots of time, but you will get there soon. It might be hard, yes, you it is doable.

If you fail a game, yes that isn't the best, you might not go on to the big game, become a pot all-star, but you do have a chance at achieving it. You can make it there, you might need to work a little harder, you can win the next game.

If you fail at cooking, you can always try again, yes you may waste some ingredients, but it's not the end of the world, you always can keep trying.

There is always a next time in most failures, like the ones I had said, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world, it's just a set back, one you can get over.

But one thing leads to the worst failure to those who have experienced it, mainly trying to stop or help.

Depression, it's something no one can cure. You have to cope with it. You can take medicine to get it away, though it may help manage it, it won't take it away.

No matter what you say, or what you do, nothing can change what it is. There are many things that can't be changed, though most don't have deadly consequences.

The one this that I count as a failure is: Not saving someone from suicide.

Now I'm talking for experience.

You may say you tried, you did your best, you couldn't do more, you said everything that could be said, did everything you could. Don't beat yourself up about it. You have to move on, dwelling on the past won't help.

Wrong.

I could have tried more. I would have did more. I could have did my best even more. I could have said more things. If I would have seen it sooner I could have helped more. If I get pressing when I knew they were lying about how they were feeling, I could have saved them. What if I spotted it sooner. What if I made more effort. What if I just did more than I had. What if I would get on a plane, fly to here their at and physically be there for them.

There are all the what if's, if's and could have's, replaying in your mind. You go over everything that had happened and seen where you went wrong.

You can learn from it, but that is one thing that is bad to learn from the "failure" you had did.

The sad thing is, we can do everything in our power to stop, we can only pray and show love to everyone. Tell others we care about them, that we are their friends, even if they done think we are, we are.

Now you can say, oh Tayla you're not a failure and say the things of could have and what's if to me. I would say you're lying, I know I was, and it would go back to those scenarios.

But in the end it is their choice on what they choose to do. Death is not an answer. Death never helps. It may end the pain, but it always puts more pain on the ones you love, it is more of a transfer, if. You think about it some think it's selfish, which at times the reasons are, but not all the time, some can't see or believe it will be better, but it will. 

You can become a conquer of the trials, of the downhills, of the detours of the dark long tunnels. You can come out victorious, you can over come them.

Even if it doesn't seam like it at that point. Things will get better. We are put through trials to make us stronger, better people to help us help others who are in out same spot.

God is always there to help us, I know most are not Christians, don't believe in God, but I do, and many do. So many things have happen to prove he is there watching over us, protecting up, he said he will never leave us, he is always listening and having angels say what we have no words for.

But death is not an answer, not is self harm. It doesn't help, it makes things worse.

I know many would disagree, I'm not putting you down if you do, that is your choice.

But, there is always going to be troubled, bullies, people who don't care, cruel words. Its a fact of life.

We can only choose not to let those things affect us.

We can tell ourselves it's not true.

Because it isn't.

But it's hard not to believe something that everyone is telling you. Especially if it's the same thing. I get it, I am short, I was bullied for being short, I knew it was true, but the words still hurt. 

They don't know you, they say things to hurt you, because they're hurting and don't know what to do other than makes others feel worse than they to make them feel better.

Yes, I may not know you personally, I may come across it on your message board, but just because I don't know you, doesn't mean I don't care. I care about everyone, no matter who they are, or what they believe in. Everyone is created equal by God.

Now, please don't take offense if at the mentions of God, I a a Christian, I personal am not trying to offend anyone in any way. I'm just speaking my thoughts on what has happened to me. It isn't directed at one person, no, it is for everyone.

But no one needs to take their life because it feels like it will never get better. Believe me, I was at a place in my life where I didn't think things would get better stall, things just kept getting worse day after day, I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I kept it to myself. I was depressed, I didn't know what to do, I kept trying to be happy and act like everything was okay, but it wasn't I didn't want to tell anyone. 

But I didn't choose to end it, I knew that things would be okay, things would get better, even though they aren't that good, my life is still good. I knew that alot of people had it worse than I did, I had a house, I had clothes, I had food. I saw that my problems may be bad, but others had it worse than I did, and they are still around. 

But I sometimes still do feel sad, upset, hurt, but I know it doesn't matter what others think, it is what I think that matters, and what God things too, but yeah, things will get better. It takes time, which is a process, but it is achievable. You have friends, talk to them, let them help you, never turn down help. 

In the end, everyone and a friend, even if you don't meet them right away, you will, sometimes the people you think aren't you're friends are, even though you don't think they are, they count you as a friend. 

//So, this was going on in my head last night aka 12 something am Monday, April 2017, I kinda wanted to post this, because last night I was feeling like a complete failure, I mean I tried everything I knew to try and help. But for now, things are better, but I really don't know, I mean, she just said hi, that was all this morning, I don't know if she left wattpad or died, I just don't know... I had never felt like a failure until last night and how I felt. It was a horrible feeling, it made me sick just thinking about what was happening or going to happen and not being able to stop it, I cried myself to sleep, because I couldn't help her, be there for her in person. 

But yeah sorry if it is a little rough here and there, it is just my thoughts and so forth, it's just a small talk, not rant, just a talk I was having with myself that I wanted to share. 

But if you ever feel like ending your life, please message me in pm, I am willing to listen to whatever you will say. I will never judge you, if you don't want me to say anything, I won't, but I will listen. So please, I'm here to talk if any one reading this needs to.

It's what friends are for. To be there for you no matter what. I love you guys, in a platonic not creepy way :3