Some times I wait, wait for a reply. As time goes on I begin to think I did something wrong which is why I never get a reply. Then I begin to feel really bad and guilty wondering what I should and shouldn't have done. That snowballs into the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that just lulls over you. I then keep waiting, waiting to hear from that person. Waiting to see if they care about me as much as I care about them. That time sadly not always comes, which breaks my heart. I begin to feel not that important, that I don't really matter as much as other people. I begin to act differently, I become more stand offish and quite. I feel that is I speak a word I will mess up everything again.  I begin to feel that people only want me to be happy and anything else is a weakness. That if I am not happy, people don't care about me. That if I have anything other than happiness people don't want to deal with me, give me no encouraging words, which drives a person deeper into that black pit they so tirelessly try and get out. The pouring of your emotions to someone seems to that person like the most personal thing to ever do because they trust you. Then to not get a message begins to make them rethink all they ever said or if it was a mistake to send what was sent.

If you ever feel this way, please know you are not alone. This is my life every day. I want people to understand me, of course, like I am sure you are feeling it is a waste if time. It may be for some people, but always know there are those who will always have your back. I hope I can be one of those people if you are going through what I am.

I'm not doing it for pity or guilt tripping or being toxic. I am pouring myself out to tell others they are not alone, that I understand, that they can come to me. So many people feel lile the way I do but never say a word because they are too scared to loose the people they care about so freaking much. The thought of mere abandonment by someone you love dearly is a horrible thing. I am just speaking my personal experience.

All I want, what most people want is someone to listen to them. Not fix their problems or life. Just listen and be encouraging and just be there friend. That isn't to much to ask right?

{ This is not directed at anyone so please don't take it personally }