"I'm gonna write a book! All My Friends Are Slaves!"
-Friend 2017

"Is my pony gay? She has rainbow hair..."
-Tiny Eleanor probs about 2008

"I have never felt so wise from watching a black male get into disagreements with his noble family about butlers."
-Brother 2017

"So then I said- tHERE'S THAT TRACTOR THAT WAS IN THE GARAGE!"
-ZakkuIsJustTrash 2017

"Oh no. Tayto crisps."
-Friend/Zakku's sister 2017

"I wanna tell you something but I'll just wait until Thursday."

"Aww now I wanna know..."

"You can guess."

"... THERE'S MONKEYS IN THE PANTRIES."

"... nu..."
-Actual conversation with Friend about 5 minutes ago.

"So yeah... Albert and Temple taught me half the things I know in my life and I owe them for helping me see- HOLY SHIZ IS THAT ALL STAR PLAYING?!"
-Me 2017

"Some people are a real pail in the ass. Wait... I MEANT PAIN."
-Cousin 2015

"I'm sad because the RNG goddess is a troll, but happy because I have also been a troll with this new wig."
-Cousin about 2016

"See this is why I am the stalker friend..."
-Friend 2017