I'm sorry if there's bad grammar or anything. It's midnight and I'm so tired oops

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Tonight's a bad night.

I had a decent day, pushing great. I completed a game I've been playing for a while and that made me really happy. I went food shopping with my mum and that was pretty cool.

Yet here I am, at midnight, sad again.

It sucks because it's my fault. I decided to read some one shots and they ended up being sad but I ignored the trigger warnings, thinking I could handle it. I could to an extent but now I'm thinking too much.

But it's okay. I'm trying to focus on the future.

Tomorrow (well today because it's midnight) it's Mother's Day. I'm going to make sure my mum knows how much I appreciate and love her. Because I do appreciate her and the rest of my family so so so much. They're amazing and I'm lucky to be able to call them my family.

We're also going shopping. I'm going to try and buy a new game for my PlayStation since I finished the other one. That will give me something to do, considering I complain about being bored all the time when in reality I'm just lazy. Relatable I know.

At the moment, I feel crappy. I'm thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in my life and all the things I hate about myself. I'm writing this in attempts to make myself feel better. I'm going to make a list of things I like about myself and you don't need to read it! I just want to see if it helps.

So firstly, my eyes. I love my eyes. They're a really nice blue which looks pretty in certain lights.

Secondly... hmm... this account. I love this account. I'm proud to be the owner of it and, to see people read my random stuff... it just makes me happy. So yeah, people on the internet care about me (I'm pretty sure they do at least).

I like some of my writing I guess? I mean, I really hate a lot of it but some of it's good! Some of my books I can read back and kind of enjoy? (Not trying to be cocky here.)

I like my hair sometimes. I mean, I wish it was a little shorter but it's still short which I like. (I don't like the colour much though.)

Uh I'm struggling here

...

Okay so the things I dislike heavily outweighs the things I like but oh well. I like some things which is always a start.

Now I'm going to list things that make me happy and make living worthwhile. Maybe I can help remind someone life's worth living? I hope?

YouTubers. They're a blessing to the Earth honestly. If Dan, Phil, Mark, Jack, Ethan... didn't exist I don't think I'd be here. Their videos never fail to cheer me up and make me laugh. They help me forget about my problems and they're just generally awesome.

The internet. The internet is an amazing place. Just think, there's so much information at your fingertips! You can learn anything you want here! You can make friends! You can be entertained! You can show off your skills! It's just great! Most people are super friendly too so there's always someone out there to remind you you're not alone.

Music. If you choose to stop living, you'll never hear your favourite band's new album. (Unless your favourite band is MCR or something :/). And you'll never discover any new bands.

Family. I love my family. Admittedly, my dad annoys me sometimes but like I still love him. And I especially love my mum, sister, brother and doggo. They're just funny and always listen to me babble on about random things they probably couldn't care less about.

Animals. Honestly, if you don't carry on living, you'll never pet another doggo.

Writing. Writing is an amazing way to vent about emotions (what I'm doing right now oops). It's just a great coping mechanism and all you need is a pen and paper!

Gaming. If you give up, you'll never be able to play some amazing video games. Even if they do frustrate you sometimes, they teach you to never give up. I got really stuck on a part of my game and I gave up. I walked away for a while to clear my head, came back to it and defeated the boss I couldn't do. You can do anything if you persevere enough.

Books. Great escapes. Get lost in another world.

Nature. Sometimes all you need to do is go for a walk and observe. Listen to the birds tweeting or the rustle of the leaves. Just stop and watch the world for a moment, appreciating its beauty.

Food. You can never eat again if you give up. Food is delicious so who'd want to give that up?

Sleep. Sleep's nice.

Love. One day you'll fall in love with someone who loves you too. They won't break your heart and they'll always be there for you. This day is yet to come for me but I still have a tiny glimmer of hope. The hope is small but it's definitely there. The love doesn't even need to be between you and a significant other. It could be the love you share with your best friend.

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Okay I should really be getting to bed now. I'm sorry this was so long!