I'm weak

I can't last a week without internet

I lasted 2 days and cracked twice during the two days. I cracked last night because I was feeling extremely low and also today because we got really lost and needed directions.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I thought I could do it. I'm embarrassed to admit I couldn't tbh XD

I still won't be updating though so sorry! I'm a failure!

What I was feeling low about was that I have two friends at school. One doesn't talk to me much anymore and the other is definitely moving schools (I found out yesterday). So basically this year in school I'm not going to have friends. I was so upset because I don't talk in school except to the friend who's moving so I won't talk to anybody anymore. I'm already really lonely and miserable and I know it's just going to get worse from here onwards. I was worried about how I'd cope. I know it's so freaking selfish of me but still.

I guess wattpad is going to be my best friend from now on :p and my internet friends of course! I'll stop going outside but why does that matter if I can talk to the people who I love online? Maybe I'll start writing a lot again (because I typically write more when I feel lonely and sad).

Last night I couldn't stop thinking: who wouldn't get over me disappearing? My mum has other children. My sister has a boyfriend and the rest of my family. My brother has a girlfriend and the rest of my family. My friends all have other friends. I'm no one's go to person. What importance do I have in these people's lives? Who would miss me without getting over it in like a week?

But I can't disappear.

Not yet anyway.

As much as I want to, I can't.