You know, in the past, there were times when I felt like I couldn't do anything. I was too scared to go to concerts, new schools, school trips, to go on trains on my own and basically just everything that was a new situation to me or a time where I had to be independent.

It all started at a concert where I had my first panic attack. From then, I experienced them in every new situation I had to go through. I almost went to a college rather than staying on at my school but I didn't because I was too anxious. I almost went to the theatre with my school but I didn't because I was too anxious. Really, it just stopped me from trying anything new.

And it's stupid. I'm aware of that. What's the worst that could happen if I go on a school trip without friends? Nobody talks to me? That's my life at school anyway. But for so long this was how I felt and it really made me feel... trapped, I guess.

But in the last two years, I've done myself proud. I came out to my mum, I went to see Dan and Phil, I went to a few interviews, I started work experience, I did my AS level exams... all without panic attacks.

I'm yet to go into a new city and live on my own but that's coming in September next year (I'm terrified but I believe in myself) but this is like... a giant leap for me in the world of confidence.

I know my mood and the social side of things isn't doing great and may be getting worse (is it normal to just be silent in school unless you're spoken to or in a class when you have to answer a question?) but I'm really getting there with the confidence and independence.

So the purpose of this long ramble was to say that you can do it. You may feel trapped and scared but one day, you won't feel that way. It does get better.

Just look at where I was and where I am now. In 2016, I did my GCSE exams and for the entirety of the two months they were spread across, I barely ate. I cried every morning and was sick almost every day. It was honestly some of the worst two months of my life because I just wanted it to end. In 2017, I did my AS levels and smashed it. I didn't get the As I was hoping for but I managed to eat a little bit in the mornings and get to the exams without having been sick or cried once. How amazing is that? It may be obnoxious but I'm proud.

Obviously it isn't all gone and I still get nervous a lot but that's fairly normal. Maybe I'll have more panic attacks in the future but for now.. I'm doing okay. I've had a long streak of new things without panic attacks so go me!

Honestly I feel like I could conquer anything (I know I can't but I FEEL like it).

So yeah

Fuck anxiety/worrying.