I know I've made two other chapter of these that were kinda the same but this one is a bit different... it also has a little bit of a vent in it because I just... I have a lot of feelings right now.. more than usual..

Suicide. It's a hard and stressful and terrible thing... Lately, a lot of people I know are either saying their last goodbyes, saying they'll do it or they're taking breaks from all the heart wrenching things that have happened as of late..

I, myself, have never dealt with suicidal thoughts. And, before yesterday with Lilly, I've never dealt with a friend about to commit suicide or anything of the sort... so yesterday threw me for a loop... after she said she'd stay with us, I felt a bit.. drained. It was a lot, but hearing her say those words were worth it and I was able to go to bed and sleep... but today, it seems like that joy was temporary.... two people I kinda know, Birb and Demi, were saying they were going to commit suicide, causing Lilly to become upset and say she needs a knife and.... it's a lot... it Sucks that it's happening at all but the fact that it's happening all at once...

A lot of people are taking breaks and I'm debating with myself about taking a short day break, 2 or 3 days at the max. Lately, I've just been feeling kinda... like I'm not really helping or I could do more to help... like most people have.

Part of the reason why I feel like this is because... well... I don't want to say this but I really need to get it off my chest...

Before the whole Lilly thing yesterday, someone else I know posted a suicide note, saying they were gonna do it and I didn't really know this person so I didn't try to help...

Hate on me all you want about not helping.

I didn't know if that person was still here and I... I kinda felt like they were dead and it was partially my fault, even though I know it isn't...

But I have some good news... I recently found out that person is still alive! Demi is still alive! A lot of people thought she was dead but she's still here! I'm so relieved. But at the same time, I still should've helped...

Lilly is still here and I'm so freaking glad she is!!!

Birb... I don't know if Birb is still with us.... and I think I feel the most guilt when it comes to this person in particular... I don't know Birb. At all. We met at Rose's "wedding" and that was that... I didn't know until a couple hours ago and sTILL I DIDN'T TRY!

If anyone has concrete news on Birb, please let me know...

Now that all that 'news' is cleared up, I wanted to tell you that if you need to take a mental health break from Wattpad, do it! Mental health is extremely important. I know you may feel like 'Oh, but they need my help' and that's very true, but if you're burnt out or running on low power, you won't be doing them any good...

So please, take breaks when you need them... I'm still debating with myself about taking one.

And thank you for reading. I love you all, please stay safe.. and stay alive <3