Found a cool vent piece. Thought I'd share.

Nothing is emptiness.

Nothing is the feeling you have when you're about to go to bed. You think about sleep but your mind is too preoccupied with getting ready for bed to think about anything. Nothing always leads to a something being a much more painful experience. Nothing always leads to a heavy something falling onto your shoulders and weighing you down until you're nothing but a sad, stressed lump on the floor. That something usually comes in the form of a memory once you've just tucked yourself into bed. Maybe, on the worst days, it comes in the form of a dark shadow that looms in the depths of both your dreams and your nightmares.

Nothing is when you do the same routine day in, day out and it's like your life is a broken record that you just can't stop. You can't even skip the track or replace the record for something better. You just continue with the routine, your actions becoming almost robotic as you succumb to becoming a puppet of the external forces. You don't get to choose what you do, it's all the same and that's why it makes you feel nothing.

Nothing is that fraction of a moment after you've been told dreadful news before you breakdown. It's that millisecond where you just don't know how to feel before it all hits you like a giant tsunami. Before you fall to your feet and feel a giant load of everything.

Nothing is blackness, like you're floating in and out of existence. You're there but you're also not. Maybe physically there but mentally you're just walking through this universe of nothing but black. You don't love or hate. You aren't afraid, happy or sad. You're just there. You don't know where you're going or how to escape the nothing but that doesn't matter. You just keep walking forward like someone is above you, holding your puppet strings and telling you what to do; where to go. Puppets don't have feelings so maybe that explains the emptiness that constantly envelopes your body. When you don't have control over your life, is there really a reason to feel? Should you waste time connecting with objects and other people when you know they'll be gone in a blink of an eye?

Nothing is having no purpose. You're just a particle of dust in this gigantic universe and what you do has no affect the world. You're just the quiet whisper against a loud shout and there isn't anything you can do about it. You don't care though. You don't care about anything because nothing comes without any emotions. That's why somethings always hurt so much worse and they're so much heavier to you. You aren't used to them. You aren't used to feeling; you wonder if you will always feel nothing. Maybe you will but is that necessarily a bad thing?

Nothing isn't sadness. Nothing isn't happiness. Nothing is sitting on top of a tall building, staring down at the people below you who look like ants. They're all scuttling away and getting on with their busy lives. They're rushing to work or home or maybe to the park with their family. You're just frozen, stuck watching. Everyone is moving on whilst you're standing as still as a statue. You can't even long for a something. You don't want something anyway. You don't want nothing either. You don't want anything.

Nothing is exactly what it says on the tin: nothing.

What do you think nothing is?

Also, a sad thing happened today. In one of my lessons, we were asked to go into groups of 4 or 5. I just looked so lost and confused because I have no friends. My teacher literally came over and told me to go in another group as the 6th person. Yay for having a teacher sympathise with you!

On the bright side, I did a mini presentation to the group and thrashed it. I was good and the group even complimented me about it. I talked about my proudest moment (seeing Dan and Phil at their show) and it got kind of personal with my anxiety stuff but yeah. Have I ever mentioned that I actually like presentations?? Talking to normal people terrifies me but talking to a group and presenting isn't bad to me. I'm so weird.