Have you ever cried so much that u couldn't stop not even when u were sleeping?

Well I did last night and I couldn't stop tbh honest with all of you I am still crying but I am ok.

Who am I kidding

I was crying so much that I wanted to do that but I promised never to do it so what I do would is that I find something near me and repeatedly start punching it even if my hands starts to hurt and even if I am bleeding I do it so I don't think like that. I am sry because Ik I still hurting myself but at least it's not going worse

Today I didn't speak to anyone irl I was so angry and sad that I didn't say anything (also don't ask because I not going to say why)

I try and try to finally go to sleep but I can't not ever since that day I haven't been able to sleep, (I changed the subject but if u wanna know what I am talking bout just ask in pm but be pacific on which one u r asking because the other one I won't tell u)

Yea look at that a fake ass smile like I always do to make sure no one knows I am upset. She is sad so she hides under that mask how she really feels just like I do. I wear a mask 24/7 to hide how I feel.

Everyone tells me to break the mask I wear or to take it off but I am sry I can't I will take it off a bit for some people but not all.

I feel like I am alone (not literally because Ik all of you are here for me..... Well some of you)

How do u feel bout me? How do you look at me? Am I just a lil kid to you? Do I look like I don't care? Do I look like someone that just does stuff for fun? Do you hate me? Do you actually care bout me? What is it? I want you to be honest because Ik that most of you don't care and if you did then prove it.

*sighs* you dont know how much of a lose you are once I lose you all as my friends. You don't know what I would do for you all. You don't know how it feels to lose everyone you actually care about and feel Alone for eternity. I don't want to lose any of you. And if I did you don't know how much pain I would be in if I did lose you.

You have no idea how much you all mean to me, how much I would do, how much I would do to protect and help you all. You have no idea how badly I will go so I won't lose you any of you. I almost lost my best friend for something someone did. (If you know what I am talking bout don't say anything on here say it on my pm) I felt terrible, I felt hatred to the other person, I felt sadness to my best friend and I just wanted to end my life right then and there. (Dont comment anything Ik what I just said and I not going to kill myself ever like I promised)

I never really opened my eyes to see that, that person that almost made me lose my best friend, I never opened my eyes to see how much that person really hated me. That person hated me to the point that that person even judged me, called me names, tried to fuck with me, tried to do anything that person could so I could get hurt and make you all hate me. I didn't open my eyes until last night. And I apologize to you all especially to my best friend for not opening my eyes sooner and for everything else. Ik I am just some stupid kid saying stuff but this stupid kid actually wants to make things right again and make things go back to the way it used to. Also I know sorry is just a word but to me it's more then just a word when you put all your heart into saying it and actually mean it.

I am sry.