Trigger warning: depressing stuff ahead.

Another day, another hour, another minute and another second. Time keeps flying, while all I do is I sit and wait.

I let it flow. I let the turbulent waters of time flow through my hands; I am aware but unapologetic. I am conscious but unmotivated.

I know how I should be feeling: I should be regretting all of this. I should be ashamed; I should be guilty. I should be doing something, but I am not. I am wasting my young years.

When will my state of lassitude end? When will these torpid currents of nothingness turn into a vibrant storm?

When will I feel again?

Will I ever feel again?

♡

I sat in the unlit room, my phone in my hands; my fingers hovered over the keys, but I couldn't call (friend's name). I couldn't bring myself to do it.
They were probably busy, and I did not wish to burden them.

Another Saturday, I had let go. I hadn't met my friends in weeks.

I wiped at my eyes, even though I wasn't crying. I couldn't ever bring myself to cry.

Why couldn't I cry?

It felt as if I were constipated, this feeling. There was this knot in my stomach, and with each passing thought in that cursed head of mine, the knot grew another turn. All my friendships were crumbling; I wasn't emotionally energetic enough. I couldn't fake a smile and laugh at everything my friends said.

And one does come to realise, as time passes, that if one does not have much to contribute to a friendship - smiles, gossip and energy - it slowly crumbles and begins to fade. And I did not have much to offer.

I was shaken out of my endless train of thought by my phone.

Levi Ackerman was calling me. My friend. Someone I admired with every inch of my soul.

I stared at my phone weirdly. It was 23:01. I put my phone on silent, ignoring it.
He could simply text me whatever he wanted to say.

Immediately, my phone lit up with a text.

It was from Levi.

LA: hey (y/n)
LA: i know you're awake

Y/N: hello

LA: hah, knew it.
LA: Are you free?

LA: I can see you typing. Please hurry, brat
LA: smh

Y/N: you mean right now? Uh

LA: I'm coming over

Y/N: I'm not home, sorry.

LA: your car is parked outside your apartment. smh (y/n) pls learn

Y/N: i came to burger king. Public transport. Also how do you know?

LA: I am outside. Open up. I brought donuts. It was raining and I'm cold

A part that was not-so-dead inside of me smiled.

I opened the door to see my friend standing in front of me, looking as vibrant and breathtaking as ever. His clothes were drenched head-to-toe and I felt another knot in my stomach.

"Hey brat," Levi walked in.

"Levi-"

"Here-" he handed me three huge bags - "donuts, ice cream, pasta and brownies."

"What-"

"You're sad, come on. I know you well enough. Let's eat and watch a movie."

I stared at him, unable to formulate proper sentences.

He grabbed the bags from me and set them on the table.

"Why don't you sit down for a bit, yeah, (Y/N)? I'll draw a bath for you in the meanwhile. How does that sound?"

"I showered yesterday. Are you saying I smell?"

He gently pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

He was standing so close, so close, so close. I could see the grey of his irises and how they contrasted with his thick dark eyelashes. I couldn't breathe.

"No. You don't smell. But showering is known to help one feel better. Now come on. Please?"

I looked into his eyes and I could find nothing but warmth in them. The fact that he cared for me made my heart hurt.

I sniffled, "Okay."

Levi gently sat me down on the sofa and pressed a gentle kiss to my scalp, "Thank you."

-

When I returned from my shower, I found Levi to be sitting on the sofa, skimming through random programs on the TV.

As soon as his eyes met mine, he gave me a huge smile. "Looking very fresh, (Y/N)."

I sat down next to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"The same," I meekly mumbled.

"It's okay. Let's eat?"

"Okay."

♡

The next morning I awoke in my own bed, even though I had fallen asleep on the sofa whilst watching Dead Poets Society with Levi. Had he brought me here?

Another knot in my stomach.
-

The door to my apartment opened and in walked Levi.

"Morning, (Y/N). I brought you coffee," Levi handed me a cup.

"Thank you, Levi."

-

Levi had cooked me lunch. He made sandwiches and salad.

He stood in my kitchen, his back to me and I felt another knot in my stomach and a flutter in my chest.

I walked to him and hugged him from behind. "Thank you."

Levi turned to me, his eyes bright."I am always here."

"Thank you, Levi. I don't deserve this or you. Thank you."

"I will always take care of you whenever you need me."

"No, Levi. I don't deserve-"

He gently cupped my cheeks, "I will always."

A tear fell from my eye. And another, and another and I broke down.

He gently wiped my tears, "It's okay."

"I-I am useless. I feel like shit. No one," I choked, "no one likes me. I am unattractive. I am stupid. I hate myself-"

"(Y/N)-"

I looked into his eyes, "I never feel anything. I am an empty vessel. I can't ever contribute anything to any relationship ever. Not into my friendships, not with my family."

"That's not true," Levi wrapped his arms around me.

"I am worthless."

His lips brushed against my scalp, making flowers grow in my barren head. "You make me feel things, (Y/N). You care about all your friends and you care about everyone around you. You work hard, and sure, you're an idiot sometimes, but that makes you even more adorable."

"Don't say this to make me feel better."

"I am not. I only want to tell someone who I've had a crush on since forever that she's so much more beautiful and wonderful than she gives herself credit for."

He pulled back, and as he looked at me, another knot grew into my stomach.

"I love you, (Y/N). I love every single thing about you. You're strong and you will get out of this phase, I promise."

I gave him a small smile, "I've never seen you this soft."

"Exactly! You make me all soft and mushy! I want to tuck you in bed and pepper your face with kisses and just hold you! Can you imagine? Me! Levi Ackerman who only ever wanted to make out with people to forget the worries of this world? I love your soul, one hundred percent. You make me feel like a man."

"Levi-"

"I love you. I love you wholly."

He gently cupped my face and pressed the faintest whisper of a kiss to my lips.

"I never thought you'd kiss anyone this gently," I mumbled, already out of breath.

He kissed me again, this time even more softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Levi."

"I'll make sure you get better, I promise. You're my everything."

♡♡♡♡♡

Okay, yes, he was very ooc. But!!! This is how I imagine he'd deal with his SO if they were depressed. Please be nice to people. Especially if they're depressed or sad or going through a rough time. It really kills them from the inside when you're harsh. Thank you!!!

If you're sad or depressed, pls stay strong, ok? ily and i hope better days come asap.

Please vote and comment so I feel like less shit ahhh.