Requested by: MrsHalfBloodPrincess :)

Trigger warning: mentions depression, anxiety and suicide.

7: "I love you." "I know."

Entry 1. March 8th.

Dear diary,

Why do I feel so empty? Why is this feeling of nothingness taking over me? I don't feel anything for anyone ever anymore. I have become an empty vessel devoid of empathy and love.

The blues of his eyes still strike me, they still remind of the sun's gleam on a clear ocean. His smile, ever so rare these days, still reminds me of a good luck charm; a bonanza.

Looking at him makes me realise I haven't really died, after all.
-

Entry 2. September 29th.

Dear diary,

I hung out with Hermione in the library today. We talked about life and emotions - it was wonderful. I regret not befriending her during our earlier years here at Hogwarts. On the topic of emotions, I mentioned my feelings of perpetual unhappiness and feeling severely lugubrious most of the time.

After giving me a thoughtful look, she mentioned reading about something like that in a muggle medical journal. She mentioned something the muggles call "depression"? Her descriptions of the symptoms were spot-on. I felt everything.

Also, mum sent a letter.

"I'm taking your dad to France in the Christmas holidays, darling. He needs a break. You can stay over at Hogwarts, right?"

Guess I'll be staying here.
They've given up on me, after all.

-

He closed the small journal, grinning to himself.

Depression, huh?

After locking the diary, he tucked it safely under his briefcase.

(Y/N) (L/N) wouldn't be able to walk with her head raised anymore. He had her diary and that power over her made him feel elated. He could control her.

He would read the rest of it later.

♡

"Hermione! My diary. I can't find it!"

"Have you checked your common room?"

"I have! I never left it out in the open! And I always wrote it in bed, when everyone was asleep! Oh no! Where could it have gone?!"

Hermione ushered her friend towards a chair. "Try to breathe normally, (Y/N). Slow. Very good."

"My diary," she panted, face red.

"We'll find it, I promise."

"What if someone took it?!"

"No. Don't worry. I promise we'll find it."

♡

A blue-eyed boy stood in front of her - his dark circles ever evident - but a disturbingly vulpine smile gracing his beautiful lips. "You aren't going back to your house in the winters?"

She stared at him, her heart beating too many beats per minute, "Hello Malfoy." She couldn't help but notice his eyes that were bloodshot and fatigued.

"Staying back, huh? Tch," he clicked his tongue. "Have they finally disowned you?"

She swallowed uneasily, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, look at you-" he gave her a dismissive stare - "you don't seem like the heir of the (L/N) household. You're withering."

Her eyes narrowed, "Go away, Malfoy," she shoved him aside.

He grabbed her wrist, "You're a disgrace to them, aren't you?"

"No," her voice shook. "Shut up."

"A family of Hufflepuffs. Their youngest an evil girl. A slytherin! Look at you-"

"SHUT UP, MALFOY," she gritted out.

"But really. Have they given up on you? Not letting you come over for Christmas-"

"You- you've got my diary!"

He gave her a smirk, "You refused to become my friend, (L/N). I will ruin you now."

Her breath clogged in her throat, "Because of your silly little ego- no. You can't read it, Malfoy. Please give it back! Please-"

"Depression, huh? You're turning into your mud-blooded friend. Disappointing, really. A talented pure-blooded slytherin like you associating with her."

"I hate you, Malfoy. You're a git."

♡

He had her diary. He had it.

He'd tell everyone her secrets. He would find out about her love for him. Life was trudging downhill and she couldn't face it. She didn't have the power to. She'd have to let go. It was time. All she had ever wanted was a reason. This was it. This was what her life had led to. The fire in her chest was long gone, and the beating heart, the only sign of life within her, was now too plagued by the gelid and treacherous waters of despair to hold on.

Tonight. Tonight it would be it.

♡

The more he read, the more his heart fell.

She did like him, after all. It was pleasant news, very pleasant. He had been annoyed that she'd refused to be his friend all those years ago. He had always been bitter about it. More so, when she had grown into a charming young woman in front of his eyes. She was exceedingly breathtaking and every second he had spent gawking at her made him more annoyed. She never remotely showed any interest in him!

But the way she had transcribed her feelings of melancholy shook
Malfoy to the very core. Some wretched corner of his chest sighed in relief - someone else felt like he did! It was cursed, and very selfish.

But he was relieved.

(Y/N) was just like him.

♡

Dear Draco,
I'm sure you know all my secrets by now. And you probably know that this hollow vessel loved you.

I'm tired.
One last wish: please take care of yourself. Something tells me you don't sleep enough and it makes me sad.

See you again, in another life, perhaps.

Thank you for making me see colour in a black and white world.

Yours,
(Y/N)

Something in his chest collapsed as soon as he read those words. And he didn't know what was happening, but he ran. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The world was a mess - a blur, fluid.

Something he had amassed in his time at Hogwarts was the fact that he, did, in fact truly hold her close to his heart. He had been a terrible person and sucked at showing it.

But he couldn't bear to lose her.
He would collapse.

He jumped over the last few steps and was out into the gentle moonlight.

"(Y/N)?" He panted, his voice breaking.

-

"(Y/N)!"

-

"I haven't died yet. Leave me alone," a small voice broke the bone-chilling silence.

His legs gave out, and he fell to the floor. "A-are y-you okay?"

He heaved out a shaky breath as she walked in front of him. And then he broke down.

"Don't cry yet. I still have to go for my act-"

"Damn it. No. No. (Y/N), please! I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person and I'm selfish," he grabbed her hands, pressing them to his face.

"You- you're everything to me! I can't live without you. I never show it, but you're very important to me! I s-stole the diary because I... I wanted to know you more! I wanted to feel close to you!"

"Malfoy-"

"No! Please hear me out! You- you're the girl I admire! I look up to you! You make me smile on shitty days. You make me forget how utterly doomed I am! You have so much power over me! You do that just by existing!"

"I-"

"You don't understand! You're suffering, I know! But you should look for better things! If you give up, I will lose all hope and jump off with you-"

"No. I came here to die-"

He stood up, legs shaking and tears streaming down his face, "No. Please. You keep me going. All I ever wanted was to be able to be close to you-"

"You were rude to me for as long as I can remember."

"I suck at being a normal human being, that's why."

She snorted, "I agree."

"Please, (Y/N). Give me a chance. I've been fantasizing about being with you ever since year three."

"That's my line," she muttered, sniffling.

"Mine too," he wrapped his arms around her. "If these muggles are what treat depression, then I'll stand by you. We are in this together."

She pulled back, looking at the eyes anchoring her to the world of the living, and smiled. "I love you."

"I know."

And with that, he swiftly pulled her into a soft kiss.

♡♡♡

A/N: I hope you liked it! So sorry for taking eons to complete it :((

Also, I didn't use two of the prompts because I couldn't fit them. I'm sorry and I hope you don't mind.

Not my best oneshot, I'm sorry. :/
I've been giving my A Levels and losing my mind,,,, so please bear with me.

Stay strong, readers. I love you all.

Big love xx