"You just don't try hard enough"

Do you ever think why I don't try anymore? Maybe then you'd come one step closer to understanding me.

"You should be more like your sister"

You made a loving relationship between siblings turn into pure hatred. You made me hate her when she was the only person I could ever love in my entire family. When she was the only person I could remotely relate to. When she was the only one who'd look back for me.

"It's all because of your phone, give it to me before I break it"

Is that what you tell yourself to make yourself think you're not a bad parent? To make yourself feel like you deserve children? That you're right? 
My phone is an escape for me. It distracts me from thinking about killing myself all over again.

"You're dressing up? Which boy are you trying to impress?"

I'm my own person. I want to be able to look in the mirror and find myself beautiful after your repetitive reminders about my weight. I want to like even one thing about myself again.

"What you read isn't anything. Read Classics"

I read what makes me happy. It isn't my fault that I have a different taste in books than other book-lovers. 

"Your music is so sad and depressing"

Why? Why is it sad? Did you ever think about that? 
Wait. Don't.
You'll just think I heard being depressed is a trend nowadays. You'll think my friends told me. And then you'll just take my phone away again.

"All you should do is study 24/7"

Yeah. So that you can brag about how your child is a genius. What do you think? Passing our exams will make me happy? Sure. The day you go to collect the results, you'll most probably find me dead when you come back home. Because depression and stress would finally get the best of me.
Because grades aren't everything to me.

"Don't argue with me!"

You mean tell you you're wrong? Something you never want to hear? Because it's embarrassing to be wrong in front of your children? 
We're human, we can all be wrong. Unlike you, we understand that.

"Nothing's wrong with you"

I can't sleep at night anymore. My headaches are getting more and more painful everyday. My hands and fingers twitch for no reason. Sometimes, I feel like I can't breathe, almost like a huge weight is resting atop my lungs. I feel dizzy whenever you're around me, to the point where I feel like I might pass out.
Yeah. Nothing's wrong with me.

"I beat you because I'm trying to help you"

I don't want that help. I don't want help that leaves scars and bruises on my body. I don't want help that has me limping at school and tell everyone that I fell.

Nobody falls that much.

"I scold you because I love you"

That 'love' has me crying in my room, questioning my self worth everyday. It leaves me even more broken than I already am.

"Talk to me, I'm your friend"

No. MY friends, are the ones who I can call at 3 am and cry too, and they won't neglect me or tell me I'm being dramatic or I'm faking it.
So no. YOU are not my friend.

I'm sorry I'm not the child you wanted. I'm sorry I wasn't born a boy. I'm sorry I don't have amazing grades like all the other children my age. But is it that hard to love me? Is it that hard to give me some appreciation?

I see other girls my age, and they can sit there and brag about the expensive makeup products they own, while I take a week to pluck up the courage to ask you to buy me a book. And no matter how many times I ask, I know you'll never say yes. So why do I even bother?

"As long as you live in my house, you follow my rules",

I never asked to be born. It wasn't my choice. You could've killed me when you had the chance instead of killing a piece of me everyday.

"You aren't allowed to lock your door, nothing good happens behind locked doors"

I hide behind locked doors. I hide my tears and my grief, just so that I don't get judged by you. I hide my fear and bottle my screams, and swallow it down silently.
Every night.

"What are you doing in the bathroom so long? Get out!",

I'm leaning against the door, crouched on the cold floors with a blank look on my face. I look as senseless as a dead body with tears running down my face and my mind numbed by desolation. I can hear you.
I just don't want to listen to you.

"You've gained so much weight, you can't even live without food can you? Go search the signs of obesity! They'll match you"

Please don't say it. I can take it when my classmates say it or when the aunties gossip about it. But when you say it. They sting.
Go google the symptoms of depression. 
They'll match me too you know...

You've made me a criminal. Someone who hides their entire life from you. Because they know you'd never understand. Talking to my friends feels like a felony. Having them...feels like a murder.

You put limitations in my life. But you didn't make me a disciplined child. You made me the liar I am today. Because I realized that lying, was the only way I could ever survive long enough to live my own life.

Why can't you love me? For who I am?

Why are you the reason that I can't look in the mirror anymore? Or smile in pictures? Or even take pictures of myself? Why do your words circle my mind in the middle of the night? Why are you my worst nightmare now?

I hate you for all that you've done to me. But I thank you too. You've raised someone who'll grow up to be a great parent. We'll know how to love immensely with our broken hearts. And we'll heal the ones around us.

We might be the most depressed and tired generation. But we're also the most loving, understanding and caring generation.

And we swear, we will never tell our children that one phrase that we assumed was just you, losing your temper.

"You cannot be my child"

~I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad.

But I don't love you anymore.~