Boys, girls, it’s all the same to me. I can hardly tell the difference in myself. I tried feeling like a girl and had no idea what to feel. And I tried feeling like a boy, but once again hit a wall. It was found that I had no idea where I fit, I’m just there sitting in myself. It never really came to my attention that I didn’t feel right until I was asked. I just ignored anything I may have felt before that because I felt that it didn’t matter. But when I was told that there were other things to feel aside from ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ it just clicked. My general apathy to the gender that was granted to me made so much more sense. My distaste for the way I was shaped and looked. My non understanding of the point of gender and their roles. I didn’t get it all because that's not what I am. 

I am not a boy or a girl, that I understood. But if not that then where do I fit. I’m mostly apathetic towards what my gender is, because I simply don’t care. I don’t care enough for it to have meaning. Even with this realization there is a large point in being put into a box that I’m confused further. Because with each and every box I tried to put myself into, and every label I slapped onto my face it got even more confusing. There is no box or label that fits me quite right. There is no generality of a feeling that I can use. It all crumbles and breaks apart as I attempt to fit once again. 

I know what I want to be called. And I know what I want to look like. That is all easy. But the placing of a label and the entering of a box is hard and confusing. There is nowhere that fits quite right. So now not only does boy and girl feel all the same to me, but so does anything that one might consider non binary. I can’t tell the difference nor do I care to. Why should I after all, it just doesn’t fit me anyway. But to fit into somewhere I still try, even with the confusion and strife it may cause. 

Feelings are all different, all of them unique. I can’t quite place my finger on my own but it’s fine. I found out that boy and girl are out of the question, out of my mind. Anything else doesn’t fit either. So why not be me, why not be me in the weird way that I fit into this dizzying world.