Okay I'm going to be completely honest with you guys
I feel like crap.
I mean, sure, it's been a great vacation! But I want to relax... I don't want to go go go or have a perfect attitude. I don't want to always go to bed with an un full stomach. And I don't want to feel bad for texting the person who's helped me through my darkest hours.
That's not it though
I went to camp for a week.
Home for four days.
Came here for two weeks
Home for one week after this with my grandparents and cousin both over for a visit
You know what I found out this morning?
My parents are leaving the week after for a weeklong trip. Right before my birthday. I already know they're going to be too tired to have anyone over or do much. But I can't say anything because they'll say "They've been planning this forever" or "I didn't think you'd miss us that much."

Yeah, because I know I'd slow you down if I cared. I'm falling back into the hole I was in two years ago. Pretending and convincing myself I care less and less to protect myself from disappointment.

And here's the KO shot

My grandma. I love her to pieces, she's an amazing woman and loves God with all her heart. But... She doesn't get it. She keeps telling me to be nicer and have a better attitude. To be happy. To think of everything in a positive way.

Well I'm sorry my parents don't want to spend time with me. Sorry I'm not my sister. Sorry I bring everyone down. Sorry I'm not the perfect granddaughter.

Sorry I'm not perfect.