I'm not going to explain- if you have questions I surprisingly remember most of the things I was thinking or reading about when I wrote these down

Oh and swearing warning 😬

Teacher calling role: Alan
"Here"
Teacher: Jackson
"Here"
Pffft there is Alan Jackson guys~

Watney doesn't say anything, just hunches over in his chair slightly. In an instant he ages a million years, eyes crinkling and eyebrows drawing together just slightly, enough to remind them of exactly what happened to him.

"I'm sorry guys, I can't do this," he struggles to say, but he sounds genuinely sorry.

He thinks that given what he went through it would be a war crime for anyone to deny him a hug.

He's looking at me now, searching for some sort of acceptance. I want to give it to him, I will, but I can't help but think that anyone looking for support and stability from me is looking in the wrong facking places.

Your comebacks. So witty. So clever.

Them: talk to me
Me: no
Them: Dude really I'm here for you talk to me
Me: really no

When my theme song came on, I even told them, sang it in their faces at top volume. Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive! They covered their ears, acted like my voice wasn't a gift.

Vogel's peering at his own bag, trying to thread the ties together. "Fudge," he says to himself.
"Look, I understand that this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language," I joke, trying to tie delicate strings of my own.

It's been a good day. Why is this happening? It's been a good day! I got work done (a tiny amount, but work nonetheless)

Sorry, Newt, but you're not sexy. You're cute

None of that changes the resounding echo of a gunshot meant for him.

Boy that bright shouldn't look so dull

She snaps, regretting the harsh tone when Phillip's stride stutters and he drops his gaze.

a highly developed sense of self preservation

But he also bought me a double chocolate smoothie, so I won't hold it against him.

desperate inferiority complex

Plus, it's super rewarding to give people their shit back because they're so grateful and as it turns out, Brody likes hugs.

let's make a baby with the bluest eyes in the whole damn world. (Don't ask I just like the concept lol)

he's a reckless idiot with impulsive self destructive tendencies

It was like being tapped by a kitten.

equilibrium

This is awesome. Look at me, talking to the cool kids in the parking lot...

Admit that his quirks were kind of adorable

Holy crap on a cracker. What do I do now?

She's in therapy so her children will stop having a collective nervous breakdown every time she publishes a paper

Que the puppy face

I learned a long time ago that since I would probably always be the smallest in the room, I had to learn to be the smartest in the room.

Don't worry I did such a good job of holding the couch down it didn't move an inch, not all weekend.

That's so sweet! You think I have self esteem!

A good Christian would've turned the other cheek, then again a good Texan would've shot em so I guess I got the in-between...

https://youtube.com/shorts/nTX71IR07DI?feature=share

Yeah, I have caller ID. What do you want?

I'm not good at accepting compliments, but I always appreciated it.

His social skills weren't really what he was known for, but he was trying his hardest not to come across as too quirky.

colloquialisms

If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer....

He may be a dashing rapscallion, but he's still a gentleman.

So sorry. Good morning Lucifer, how are you today? Would you like to join me in solving a homicide?

Even in his sleep, he was the classic epitome of touch-starved

It was hard to believe that anyone could possibly feel this happy without simultaneously bursting into flames

Now what kind of monster could say no to that ?

A self-assigned task of feeding them

omniscient

His tears were always silent

He was such a dork, but he was their dork

Guys, I honest to goodness just wanted to write a fluffy uncomplicated sick fic but of course, me being me, it had to turn into a complete emotional angst and hurt/comfort fest. I swear I haven't been traumatized, I'm actually a really happy person so idk why this always happens.

This is ridiculous. Next time I see him, I'm putting a GPS transponder on him. I get one of those 'find a pet' ones, stick it under his skin, and tattoo 'if found, please scan here

larvae

Snoring? Oooh, blackmail material

Of course he lived on sugar

"Mum! – Mum, help me! Please? – Don't let him do this to me, Mum!"

"I don't want to be a monster... I don't want to be a monster... I don't want to be a monster..."

https://youtube.com/shorts/8iglvBcsPI0?feature=share

"Please make it stop. I can't bear it. Make it stop."

And maybe smash his own face into a wall while he was at it

"I resign from the internet, send"
-David Tennant

M: You've never had an appreciation for humour
H: Or maybe you're just not funny
M: Impossible
H: Arguable

I can shut off my phone if you'd rather vent into the void again

"How was the drive?"
"Almost ran over a deer."
"You what?"

You're a strange person

I know, there are so many better reasons not to employ me

I'm just here because you summoned me

It was just a heart attack, I was fine

"Shh."
"Don't shush me."

"Don't test me."
"I would never."

I don't need coffee I live on the adrenaline that is insomnia

"You're cute."
"That's news."

"I don't want to crush you."
"You weigh nothing, you couldn't possibly crush me."
"That's rude."
"It's true."
"Still rude."
"Get over it."

I can hear my pulse

Don't look so surprised. I can be bloody inspiring if I want to be

If you kill a mosquito that's sucking blood from your arm, do you despair because you haven't killed all the mosquitoes that may someday possibly suck blood from your arm or anyone else's?
No, you smash that bloody mosquito, wipe up the mess, and say, 'I got the bastard!' Then you celebrate the fact that there's one less blood-sucking mosquito in the world.

Me: *listening to music absently*
Music: *hits a frikin groove*
Me: *doing this weird dance thing without even realizing* wtf just happened-?

Come on, do you think that we could spend as much time together as we do, work together as well as we do, yet not wish a slow, painful death on each other at the end of the day if we weren't friends?

For god's sake, stop asking questions, and just follow me!

Would you just bloody relax? I'm too tired to deal with your misplaced modesty bullshit right now.

Remind me to base a character's backstory on Between The River And Me by Tim McGraw btw

Inevitably I decided to write one anyway because who the hell am I to tell myself how to live.

On threat of death, I assure you

I take comfort in knowing the amount of caffeine and sugar I give some of these pricks will end up damaging their health in the long run

When he didn't give her more of reply than those sad puppy eyes of his when he knew he was out of his depth in a social situation

She deliriously wondered what everyone at work would say if she told them he was like a pet cat when he was tired

"Did you-"
"No."
"But-"
"I didn't-"
"But you-"
"Stop-"
"Dinner-"

Everyone here is a nutcase

I disagree

No frown lines, no grumpy expression. Just a pretty face

Somehow you can explain all of the things I'm experiencing and that people who you barely know are experiencing, and yet you're too unempathetic to realise you're supposed to hug me back, you mug.

I swear to god, you're flip-flopping between extremes today and I'm not liking it. You were so close to being helpful just now.

"Stop that."
"If you stop being grumpy."
"I'm not grumpy."
"You're so grumpy."
"I'm tired."
"Go to sleep then."
"I would but you keep talking."
"Because you keep answering."
"Shut up then."
"You shut up."

Awfully attentive for a guy who liked to pretend he was constantly not listening to you

"I'm not sweet. I'm deceptive."
"Sure you are. Criminal mastermind."

"Do you want to keep walking or go back home?"
"I want to sink into a hole in the ground."
"That won't happen."
"Shame."

You're loyal to a fault, it's so precious!

"I think you need to check the definition of 'fine', because yours is very far off."

I never thought I'd say this, but be less nice and reasonable, please!

Debating? Really? That's worrying. A teenager who's learning how to argue?

Clearly aware that a) – he wasn't alright and b) – he wouldn't say so even with a gun to his head.

Can we get going now, or do we need to weave matching bracelets?

Could be platonic but I personally ship TF out of these two

Was it electrified before you started yanking things?

"You'll never miss a chance to watch David Tennant in a suit." I-

We had a tiff about whether I should walk home or not and we moved to your bedroom to argue about whether or not you slept in a coffin.

Been alone, by choice, for a while, I've been talking to myself all the time, it's started giving me earaches.

Okay so we aren't really close friends and these conversations are pretty dry, why on earth are we still conversing.

Yes, I know that's not my usual frame of thinking but I'm tired and I want to go home so let's just shut up and go on, yes?

Oh, and you do have the resources here, do you? 'Brad'?

Water may rot the body, but air does it so much quicker!

She probably still loved him more than chocolate, but it was one of those times where she wasn't sure how much more.

Ta, mate

Did you think I just inherited the accent, or what?

Bloody hell – maybe being a grumpy Scot was contagious

That from the man wearing his jammies outside, looking like a grumpy echidna.

First of all – none of your business. Second of all.... No, still none of your business. Now, please get out of my way.

Too lost being 'broody and Scottish'

See? He could behave responsibly!

Life tended to look less insurmountable in front of a Tyrannosaurus.

What? They don't have ice-cream in November? What stupid rule is that?

There's a zucchini omelette, drink the freaking tea Alec.

For the love of God, couldn't anyone keep information to themselves in this town?

More distant than his usual 'I'm a bloody misanthrope so don't talk to me' distant.

You need to learn to take a compliment.

Just- freaking- let- me- hug- you- hold still- *hugs*

You're the little bird on this team. Are you talking to yourself again?

C'mon, kiddies, up you get. Follow me.

Their puppy eyes are legendary, be scared.

Yep, loveyoubye.

Ha! No.

I. Am. A. Genius.

Panic. I would say panic is my reaction.

идиот

I'm relieved to know they at least understand what a head is.

Did you- Did you just lick my hand?

When someone calls my name it'll be like;
Them: Shelby?
Me: wish I wasn't. What?

https://youtu.be/6zljpuSDTLU

That's my superpower. No one knows I'm here. *waves hands weirdly*

https://youtube.com/shorts/vsi960vbyQM?feature=share

......Which made you spiral and go crazy.

https://youtu.be/WwkZD3MbPjw

A legit shark tank.

Um- I'm American, but you don't like me.

Apotemnophilia

Embarrassing hyena cackles

Hey! I am a fucking delight!

I love electric locks. They make me happy because I can poke them and make them go boom.

We didn't have spaceships back in my day.

"You've been to jail."
"I told you that in confidence."

"Yeah we know who you are! ...Who is she?

Well, he don't know talking good like me and you. So his vocabulary is limited to "I" and "am" and "Groot." Exclusively in that order.

I'm in trouble, aren't I?

I forgot you had those.

Was that the drugs or was he just losing his fucking mind?

mahogany

Stand back! I'm going to try science!

Anyone touching Bruce's tea will be fed to Natasha

If you could grow up to be marginally less paranoid, that would really help me out.

Starting fires

Been trying this new motto out. I. Am. Not. The. Victim. ... I'm the killer :)

https://youtube.com/shorts/Q7uxCahn7FE?feature=share

https://youtube.com/shorts/PAsHls_zRm0?feature=share "We're comin, bitches"

https://youtube.com/shorts/iiCx-7fTIuU?feature=share

Bullshit! Really?
Bull. Shit. No way!

Yeah, he was bitter and vindictive, so sue him

When did I become the parent here?

Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

I told you. I don't want to join your super secret boy-band.

Me with my friends with someone I don't like walking towards us: *whispers* My least favorite person in the world... *louder* Hi pal!
My friends: *walk away*
Me: *whispers* don't leave me ;-;

"What are you about to do?"  "Something stupid."
"No I gathered that, but what is the stupid thing?"

10/10 explanation

I think I did okay' Explosion. That is the most you thing you've ever said.

Logic

Good morning. God has let me live another day, and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

I swear, if you tell them I will make you talk in nothing other than Harry Potter quotes for the rest of the year.

Reading files... is... my hobby...?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/melodi-dushanes-alleged-mcnugget-rage-caught-on-tape-after-shes-denied-golden-goodies/#app

I thought I deleted my notes and almost had a heart attack and now I've made a backup note that I'll update with this one... oh crap that was so freaking close... geez...

https://youtu.be/7TC0F-RV9wA

https://youtu.be/Ii6LYmVdRmA THIS IS SO FACKIN CUTE I FREAKING MELTED

https://youtu.be/xrWmu2NbaDs

https://youtube.com/shorts/o0Gc9vn8gSc?feature=share

боже мой

My timey-wimey machine... goes ding when there's stuff!

It only took a few near-death experiences for you two to get your shit together.

Ooh, and pancakes! I haven't had pancakes in so long, we have to make pancakes.

I think I have permission, under the circumstances

Who knows, perhaps it's Stockholm Syndrome.

I'm trying to stop you from getting arrested on account of public disturbances. Or exhibitionism. Or both.

Wha –? Wait. What year? Evil aliens have stolen our months, Pepper. We have to get them back.

That is – my foot.