Often times I am very suddenly so emotionally overwhelmed that I must stop what I am doing and clamp my eyes shut as if to block the wave of feelings and memories while bracing myself against a wall or sitting down because I am so physically weakened by just thinking about or being reminded of myself. I am that much of a monster if the subject of me makes me feel that ill then I can't even begin to imagine how my presence affects those around me, those who claim to feel happiness when confronted with the thought of our friendship but I know they're lying, they're always lying, lying about how they like me, lying to everyone because they know nothing more. and they are not to blame but society, who teaches children they must please and deceive to feel welcome. I can't seem to fathom how some manage to find themselves believing the twisted "truths" of affiliation.

Sorry I can't grammar