It's been a long month for me. Truth be told, my life outside of Wattpad has been in turmoil, but I solemnly swore to continue to do something on Wattpad. The result of that has now become this thing.

This is just me typing away before I call it a day and go to sleep. It's funny. I'm usually tired, but I just can't will myself to sleep tonight. So, yeah.. I decided to just type randomly on Wattpad. It's been a while since I've done one of these "type until you drop" things. In a sense, it's fairly nostalgic.

I started Wattpad reading fan fiction for fun after exhausting my school's library sources. I encountered Sword Art Online volumes, thinking that it was fanfic. It took me about a year later to realize it was simply copy pasted from a translation website. Now I know how the rest of SAO is going to be haha...

SAO was the anime that truly sucked me in. Before, I would casually watch episodes of main stream anime whenever it comes. DB, Naruto, Bleach, etc. I wasn't super indulged into anime yet. When SAO came along, I became completely immersed in the world of anime.

Around this time of my life, I was juggling one too many things. Before, I would arrogantly state that I was incredibly talented. Compared to my peers, there was no other way of putting it. I juggled around competitive sports, constant A's, demolishing the library's stash of books within weeks, a pianist, a martial arts student on the way to getting a black belt, completing top notch essays within 30 minutes, and so on and so forth. Even now, I can't figure out a way to describe my past self other than "talented." I did not know defeat. I assumed failure was nonexistent. I had no reason to be unhappy with my life. I had plenty of friends that I could easily chat up with. Teachers adored my dedication to work. Bullies were rarely ever an issue. I was typically seen as the easy going guy. I was fairly fit being in the sports department. My parents were happy with me. I was happy too.

Then shit went down. I experienced my first taste of loss when I lost a friend. Then I continued to keep losing.

I didn't know what to do. I never "lost" before. Helpless, I could only continue to spiral down to where I originally came from. From something, to nothing. From the skies, to the ground.

I couldn't keep up with the competition of sports after suffering constant leg cramps in water polo. I participated in track more often as a result, but the teachers feared for my health. The work load in school increased, and I lost time for hobbies. I voluntarily quit martial arts. I started to panic every time my grade would dip below 93%. I would blank out when writing essays that I would normally complete with the given amount of time.

It didn't take long for me to recover. However, a small voice of doubt constantly nagged me.

Who am I?

I began discovering more of myself that I've never bothered to look at before. My limits. My humane qualities. My personality. My feelings.

By the end of it, I felt nothing. Nothing but tired. I felt empty, worthless, and fake. What have I been doing with my life? Was I really happy in my previous situation? Was I truly happy? Yes.

So why?

Ignorance.

I had no true sympathetic emotions towards others. I held them at arm's reach. I refused to allow myself anything below an "A" in all classes because I feared failure. I did not know what it was. I was constantly reading because I was scared- I wanted a way out of my nightmare. I did competitive sports to take my mind off of all that mess. I was happy because I didn't know anything.

So. I changed.

I dropped most of my honor courses the following school years. I dropped my completely dedicated attitude towards everything and replaced it with a more slothful one. If I need to do it, I'll do it quick. If I don't, I won't.

I learned to respect others for who they are. I learned how to care for others, understand them to some extent, and help them.

I learned to enjoy myself more.

Then, I started slamming myself into Wattpad in a more positive way. It's around this time when 927 Murders, 1 Confession was written. I had a lot of fun writing that story (despite the psychological darkness I had difficulty writing).

In a way, that story symbolizes how I've moved on in life despite spiraling down into despair. It's not a motivational story. Like the story suggests, (my) progress was mostly coincidence. It just happened that I moved forward. The hard part was choosing to start moving in the first place. As for the conclusion of 927 Murders, 1 Confession, the little text with Koko reading "you owe me..." in reference to the hellish nightmare that seemed to have never happened was a symbol of my need to further reflect upon myself.

Now, leaving that all behind me, I just wanted to have fun. So the timeline finally arrives to the point where I'm like: let's make a romantic comedy harem story with a crap ton of OC's from other people.

I planned it out.

I threw out the plan after Day 3.

I rewrote the plan.

And I threw that one out too.

I have a lot of fun not sticking to my own plans.

So, I decided to make the middle chapters of A World to Understand open ended so that I could freely manipulate it as I pleased. The goal was to have fun after all. That goal has been achieved to some extent. I shall continue to pursue it.

Now that I mention it... A World to Understand is currently my biggest hit haha. Well, all my other stories have been unpublished for the sake of revamping them later, but still. I didn't think the numbers would inflate to such. I only have around 30ish followers after all. To be honest, I like having such a small group. It's more... cozy I guess?

The bed also looks pretty cozy...

Anyways, I'll probably have another burst of ideas and be inclined to start a new project during June or some time during the summer when I have time. A World to Understand will still continue to go on at the same pace of 1 to 2 pieces of content per month. What should I write about then?

I've been inclined towards trying out a Nisekoi-like novel. Don't know how that's going to work.

I'm also considering on typing an extremely confusing genre full of flashbacks and time traveling mixed together- similar to the previous Story Time thing but more complex with audience interaction and whatnot.

Also on my list is a ReaderXCharacter that I've considered. Not completely leaned towards it but yeah.

Or I could simply revamp my old books and improve upon them.

Ideas sort of just come and go. It's incredible yet really annoying.

Speaking of annoying, I really don't know how to make a character "annoying". Other than use of dialogue.

Come to think of it... I think my favorite character is Narrator-San. He doesn't beg for much
characterization, but he fulfills his role in the story without breaking the plot completely.

As for the character I hate the most, it's Erika. It's hard to shove her into a story if she's not the center piece.

I sort of like Joe. I feel bad for kicking him around but yeah.. it happened. Speaking of which, "Joe" was based off a person I know in real life. Or rather, an incident that happened. There was a dude with a complicated name. Jokingly, I called him Joe. Then I continued calling him Joe as a little nickname. Then it spread. Now, the guy is permanently known as Joe.

Alright enough of this cheese for now. I'll be publishing another legitimate chapter for A World to Understand in  3 days or sooner.