salutations space bananas ---
so. sorry i've been super inactive lately, school and life and stuff. i think that today has been one of the days that goes on the "top 5 most emotional" and "top 3 most cry-y" lists. get ready for a rant before i go on with me being tagged.

-rant engage-

dan and phil. daniel and philip. danisnotonfire and amazingphil. today. this friday. help me. when dan had posted on his instagram story about the video which they were editing, the first thing i saw was the star wars box. they were just using that as a tripod. i was dissapointed. i looked closer at the photo. in the frame, you can see the dvd. i saw the dvd and literally started crying. then came the twitter posts. i was crying even more. why, you ask?

-rant intensifies-

alright. i'm ten. please don't report me. i was born in 2008. dan and phil met/started making videos together in 2009. my brother had an ipad. i went over to his house frequently (my brother's 24 years older than me). not even two year old meg decides this little app called "youtube" looks interesting, and downloads it. i made an email account. let's say i was...and am...an electronically advanced child. this is when i discovered something that little did i know would change my life. a video called "phil is not on fire". after watching, i was hooked, and came back for more every time i went to my brother's. no one knew about this. i wasn't supposed to watch things with cursing in them. I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A SHIT, BITCH.

i didn't tell anyone about this magical world full of skateboarding cats (vloggers, filmmakers and some big-headed twats) until tatinof. now, i haven't seen dan and phil, gotten any merch from anything (except one sanders sides poster). my parents- scratch that- FAMILY barely know me AT ALL. i tried so hard, so much for them to let me go to something such as interactive introverts, tatinof, or ultimate storytime. they never let me go to anything. every single time, i cried the whole day. seeing people that have watched some youtuber(s) like dan and phil for two years, getting to go to tours, buy merch, etc, just hurts me. i'm happy for those people, and good for them that they get to go. it just hurts. and i know it's bad, i'm being so extremely selfish, but i grew up with them. i started having symptoms of depression around 4 years ago, AS A SIX YEAR OLD. now i won't tell you a lot of what i've been through, a. because i don't like talking about myself b. because it's kind of personal like family stuff, but it's been rough. never really having any friends, family always trying to keep secrets which lead to arguments, stuff like that. youtube is...my happy place. youtube is my one escape. it always has been.

i was crying about this, one, because i was happy for them, and everyone that would be able to get it, two, because i knew my parents wouldn't buy it for me. as soon as they posted that dvd, i begged. literally begged. willing to give up my phone for a week. pretty much anything if they would buy me this. i took a break (and got away ((get it cuz philip n' stuff (((no ((((ok)))))))))) from crying to my parents about this to watch the new video, and started crying even more. how just, real they were in this. like you were sitting down and just watching them talk. as real people. you all have seen the video, you know what i'm talking about. so after this half-hour video was finished, i was ready to keep asking my mom and dad for this. i. spent. four. hours. convincing. them. and after they said they would buy the vip, the website was sold out. i was done. because i got kind of mad about this, my parents said they wouldn't buy it at all. i completely broke down. end of story. now, i think i convinced my sister to get the regular one for christmas, so i am so fucking over the moon.

-end of intensified rant-

this has been a day and a half, oof. i feel bad for talking about myself for so long. it really sounds like i just did it for attention. i promise i didn't! i just kind of felt like i needed to say some things, i don't know, just please don't think i'm being mean. please.

-end of rant-

_EmoKiddo tagged me so let's go BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *continues for another 8 minutes*

1. straight but i support the lgbtq+ community

2. female

3. haa...peee...? what is happp...iiiiieeeee?

4. the moon (ducktales)- gentle love prescription for sleep

5. dirty blonde

6. aquarius and it kind of suits me i guess

7. my cat...?

8. galaxy or if you won't count that navy blue

9. chicken nuggets

10. 97%

11. too many

12. solanum tuberosum

13. so dark brown that they're almost black with specks of yellow. hufflepuff eyes.

14. 10 1/2 women's (usa)

15. youtuber...or broadway actor...something like that...

16. whew let's go
fleur4224
DontBeSherlocked
GlassWolf48
roro0phoenix
THREETHIRTYSIX
TheSammel
death-of-a-phangirl
ionlyspeakpoptarts
imhungrybitchhurryup
StayAliveForRee
Darknessllama
wellIliveintrash13
Im_Dead_Inside3
FandersSides
Pixi-potato
dan_is_kinky
phandildanphil
Abby_readz
LoganIsRelatable
amazingdannie

oof

well

sorry for all the ranting and stuff

i just really felt like talking to someone and i don't have anyone to do that to in real life so why not tell it to my internet friends

why is this the longest thing i've written?

no idea

quote of the day: "embrace the void and have the courage to exist." -daniel howell

meme of the day:

so funny yet so true

stay introverted

--thewizardingporg🖤🖤🖤