Now, remembering more shit, I'll tell more because why tf not.

So, it started in Skvaderon where I got a female friend and crush called Sivora (I'm hoping I didn't type that incorrectly) and she was cool, though as soon as a new girl named Vanessa started at the school, Sivora tried keeping Vanessa from getting to know me. I only got to speak to Vanessa once and that's it, though I saw Sivora and Vanessa chatting at least 3 times. I wasn't necessarily jealous, but it hurt that Sivora ditched me for the new girl, adding to the fact that I liked her romantically though didn't realize it at the time.

I tried asking adults for help, though even though they said they'd come in a little, they never did, so I basically had to deal with it. I didn't tell mom about what was happening until a few weeks later in which she confronted the teachers and got them to finally do something.

We had that type of meeting twice, though nothing changed despite Sivora saying she'd change. Eventually, mom had enough and got me out of that place. Few weeks or months or something later and I got to Elvkvarn where I met another female friend and crush by the name of Jamila. It pretty much turned out the same except instead of a new girl, it was Jamila's all-time best friend, apparently having been friends since kindergarten or something. (I forgot the friend's name)

It started out okay, we'd hang out all three, but after a while, Jamila began ignoring and avoiding me more and more and when we did speak to each other, it felt like she was angry at me. Eventually I distanced myself from everything and everyone, going into the school's mini forest during recess, going to a spot rarely seen and barely speaking in class, scared of being judged if I spoke. (maybe that's when my SA started. Idk)

I didn't try making many friends due to fear of losing them too.

I rarely raised my hand in class and when I did, I always has to keep it held up for like 15 minutes until the teacher came to me and it felt like teachers were excluding me too. I cried in class once and nobody did anything, just watching, not a single one going to get a teacher.

I had joked about having dated a guy crush of mine and told my friends not to tell anyone, especially said boy, still joking though also not because I didn't wanna be humiliated if they so happened to not understand the joke.

Both girls promised not to tell, but later one of them comes and asks why I lied, saying how she asked my crush for the truth.

A few weeks or something later, I met a boy a grade beneath me and played air hockey with him or whatever it's called (board game thing). Later during recess, I stood a few millimeters outside the mini forest and got waved at by said boy, him being the only one who ever noticed my existence during recess, others only noticing when I spoke to them, them never approaching me.

Due to him noticing me, my crush on him only grew. (I know his name, but I don't feel like revealing it. Unless I've already revealed it and forgotten all about revealing it) I eventually got taken out of Elvkvarn by mom because of Jamila. My self-esteem plummeted as I began calling myself crazy, a freak, ugly etc.

I met the boy a few years later, though i didn't speak due to nervousness making my voice not cooperate and keeping me from even opening my mouth to speak.

That all I remember.